Hate photographs and don't know what to do

posted 6 months ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 2
279 posts
Helper bee

My mom never used to like taking photos, I always thought she was beautiful but she never did so she never took pictures. Then she passed away when I was young; I wish I had more photos of her. My point is that even though you don’t like how you look in photos, others do and others want those memories. You don’t need to go back and look at the pictures or hang them up, but they’re nice to have around for memory. 

Post # 3
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

The photographers job is to be put of the way so you barely notice them. There is not much you can do about family and couple portraits though.

However, I agree with PP – try to focus on the fact that even though you do not like photo’s – other people will. Your children will want to have them and see them. Your loved ones will appreciate them as well. Like PP – my mom hates being in photo’s and it bothers me so much because I know when she one day passes – I will have so few of her. I actually force her to take pictures with me so I know I will have some. They don’t have to be shared online or with anyone, but theyre important for me to have.

Post # 4
862 posts
Busy bee

Tori-Ilana  Go with a photographer. I tell everyone about how I hated myself in photos when I was younger, and now I look back at my young self and I love my photos. Take the pics for your future self, and to preserve the moments. You will regret not taking them more than taking them. One day you’ll be so happy you have the memories. Trust an “older” Bee on this one. 

Post # 5
1260 posts
Bumble bee

Do you like the way you look in general? Is it just in photos that you don’t like or do you just don’t like how you look / don’t feel confident in general? I think that’s important to distinguish.

I love photos but when I was a pre-teen, I used to feel awkward in front of cameras and don’t know what to do. So I used to do this massive super goofy smile. Even when I got older and stopped doing that, I still found my smile to look really goofy in photos. What really helped was to practice smiling in front of a mirror, in private. Try different smiles and find your best smile, then practice doing that in your day to day. You’ll get muscle memory and you’ll remember how to smile (but still be natural) when the camera points at you. It takes time and practice, which seems like you have a whole year to do.

Also I looked up online tips on how to pose in photos, or dos and don’ts. Also try that in front of a mirror, and practice. 

Some things to remember about the day as well, the photographer will try to give you tips and tell you how to pose on the day so that you look good in photos, which I bet no one has ever done before. When he takes action shots (during the ceremony for example), you would be focused on your fiancé and everything else that’s going on, instead of the photographer, this will give you natural looking photos. 

The thing is also, when you hate photos, you’ll look like you don’t want to be there in your photos, and you look at those photos and think, see? I told you they would look bad and they do. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. 

Post # 6
9435 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you really don’t want to see them then I’d just have your Fiance deal with the photographer.

I would 100% recommend having a photographer though.

Post # 7
1989 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Tori-Ilana :  you might hate every single photo of yourself taken on your wedding day. But the photos won’t just be of you. The photos will be of your friends, family, your new husband. The photographer will capture so many moments, some including you but some including other people. I absolutely think it’s worth having a photographer, even if you only do so to have those photos of others. Most of my favourite photos don’t include me (and some don’t even include my husband).

I’m not a huge fan of having my photo taken either. I felt really self conscious. I’d recommend meeting any potential photographers in person at least once. I’d pick a photographer that you are comfortable with, ask questions of their style, look through their work and find someone who fits your style. I would also recommend doing a engagement shoot or similar. I know you’re probably shaking your head in pure fear at that thought, I was too. I didn’t share our engagement shoot with anyone and the photos you can tell I’m really awkward and uncomfortable. However, it gives you a trial run and that really helped me relax on our wedding day. On the day itself, you have the hair and makeup done and the magic and you do feel pretty special. Maybe you’ll relax on the day. If not, remember you’re getting all those photos of your loved ones too. I was too wrapped up in what was happening to really notice our photographers. It was only the odd occasion I noticed their presence. They did bridal portraits of me and I was really aware of them then and I look super awkward in those photos. Even my mum and husband don’t want those photos! So I’d maybe talk to the photographer about not doing bridal portraits and look for someone who does more photojournalist style, so they capture moments rather than focusing on formal portraits and poses.

Post # 8
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Could you try meeting with a photographer to do a short trial shoot and see if you like their style? Perhaps for engagement photos? You may find someone that makes you feel comfortable and has a photography style you like.

Post # 9
9688 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

A lot of my favorite wedding photos aren’t even of me.

We went with a photographer who does more of a photojournalist style, so we have very few formal, posed photos. The vast majority are candid shots and there are a lot of awesome moments with my friends and family caught on camera and I truly treasure those moments. For example, we have a beautiful picture of my husband’s grandparents dancing at the reception. It was just them on the dance floor and it’s a great shot. A few months later his grandpa has a stroke and lost pretty much all his mobility. That picture is now even more special as it’s really their last dance together. 

If you don’t like pictures of yourself then just don’t look at those but I promise there will be pictures of others you will treasure and other people (like your husband) will be sad not to have the pictures/memories of you. 

Post # 10
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

I am not keen on cameras either but I know I want to be able to look back at those memories. So even if you do not take a lot I would suggest you take some. Another thing is maybe you can figure out ways to be more comfortable in front of the camera. For me, I have been looking at various poses and props that I would prefer. Honestly you are going to look beautiful 🙂 but sometimes our insecurities may make us think other wise. But I agree with what other members said – you may want to look back on this one day. My friend opted out of a photographer and she regrets not having many photos or memories captured of that day. I also have a friend who never even looked back at her photos and videos but she still took them anyway knowing that her family would. 

Good luck. Congrats.

Post # 11
11456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

You very likely will look better on your wedding day than you will on most any other day of your life.

If you don’t have a photographer, you can never go back and recapture those images. And, as only one-half of a couple, I don’t think it’s fair of you to deprive your FH of having a photographer there when it’s important to him to have those memories.

If you ever have children, and later, grandchildren, they are going to want to see your wedding pictures. Your parents are going to want to have these keepsakes also.

I am someone who also is not a fan of seeing myself in most photos taken of me. When I find one I like, I am very thankful. I didn’t like some of my own wedding photos, but, with my photographer capturing more than 1,000 images, there definitely are some that I love. Beyond that, I am not even in many of the pictures, since there are family photos, photos of the venue, photos of important details.

Please work hard to put aside your nervousness about this and get a photographer. If, in the end, you decide you don’t love some of the photos, you don’t have to look at them. But please don’t allow your fears to stop your FH and family from having these precious, once-in-a-lifetime images.

Finally, as someone who is probably more than old enough to be your mother, I can say that photos that I didn’t like of myself in the past (when I thought I looked fat or awkward 20-30 years ago) look very different to me now. I wish I had not always shied away from having photos taken or wasn’t always hiding in the back of groups of people at the beach. “Flaws” that seemed big to me then are nothing today, many years removed from those circumstances, and after I’ve gained more weight and have watched myself change over time due to age.

Post # 12
1827 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Photos will be so treasured by the people who want them, and maybe even yourself later on.  I think you should at least do some.  If they come out badly, just don’t display them or post them.  But chances are there will be at least a couple you like.  And you are probably going to look better in the professional photos than anything your guests inevitably be taking thag day anyway without your consent.

Practice posing to cover up whatever you perceive to be a flaw.  If your hips look big, put one foot slightly in front.  If you get double chins, lean forward and keep your head straight and pushed slightly forward.  If your eyelids droop, tilt your head slightly down.  If you have a tummy bulge, put a bouquet in front of it.  If your arms look big, rotate them slightly out away from your body.  There are a million little tricks for every body type, and if you start doing some of them naturally, you are more likely to enjoy your photos.  You can even do a practice or engagement shoot with a photographer so you go into the wedding knowing they are able to take good pictures of you.

Nobody is so attractive that they never look bad in a photo, and nobody is so unattractive that they can’t look good in a photo.  It has so much to do with lighting and angles and posing.  Also- tell the photographer your hang-ups about your appearance and they can probably give you advice to minimize them and also use that to inform the types of photos to take.

Post # 13
1298 posts
Bumble bee

I would find a photographer and explain. Get a trusting rapport first. If you do not want pics taken at your wedding, you can advise guests that formal photos  will be provided later. 

You could have a private session with just the photog and your husb and yourself, for a few simple formal photos. The photographer can help you Alot. Then you can pic one fab one or more, to post, print or send out.



Post # 14
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I am very self-critical and don’t like how my face looks in photos, and I don’t like to prioritize photos over the experience of an event. I am willing to have a photographer and am fine with candids, but I am not willing to put a lot of effort into posed photos. I don’t plan on sharing or posting photos myself, but I also don’t use Facebook, so if other people happen to post photos it won’t affect me. 

I’ve already shared my preferences with my SO and my mom when it comes to photos:

1. I don’t want to do a first look. For me it would not be an intimate moment with my SO if there’s someone else there snapping away. I’d rather just have my entrance at the ceremony. 

2. I don’t want to miss cocktail hour taking photos. I’ve already told my mom I will do 30 min of photos after the ceremony, but when those 30 min are up I am walking away.

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