Post # 17
I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt; I would feel exactly the same way. We both laid down the rules on stuff like this years ago, but even if we hadn’t, it would make me sick to find out (whether he’d told me himself or I found out on my own) that he’d gone to a strip club. Maybe it makes me controlling or jealous or whatever, but the way I see it, the whole point of strip clubs is to use sex to squeeze money out of guys, and I have a problem with that. He would feel the same way if I did something similar.
The fact that he felt so bad about hurting you and has been apologizing is a good sign; he didn’t just write it off as you being irrational. As you can see from the comments, some girls don’t have a problem with their guys doing this, so he probably didn’t think much of it. But now that he knows that type of thing–and not contacting you all weekend while you worried–is hurtful to you you, he’ll keep it in mind in the future. I agree that all you can do is let time help you heal.
Post # 18
I’m going with KellyVon this, I don’t mind if my guy goes to a strip club. Most of the time, the girl could care less about the guy.
And my personal view on it, if you are afraid if your guy is going to cheat on you, he would do it regardless if there was a stripper or not. If the temptation is there, it will be there no matter what.
I’ve given $$ to my guy and his friends for a round of lap dances when they go. It’s just fun-I trust my guy and his friends. What if you were out with your girlfriends and everyone in the group wanted to go to a male strip club, are you going to be the only one to sit in the limo/car? Probably not, you will go with the group and just sit there-maybe you will enjoy yourself, maybe not. Samething with guys, they just go with the flow.
But at least this guy fessed up and didn’t lie about the incident. If he was honest about this, then you have a pretty great guy 🙂
Post # 19
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
I guess I should clarify that I’m truly not worried about him cheating on me…It’s just the thought of him getting a lap dance from some slut at a strip club makes me want to throw up…I didn’t expect to feel this way, as I wrote in an earlier comment, I was fine a few years ago when he threw a bach party for his friend with hotel room strippers…I’m still not sure why I’m reacting this way, I just feel really betrayed and hurt that he would want to do that at all….UGH, I’m still feeling pretty miserable about the whole situation…
Post # 20
I disagree with the “well, he’s with the guys, what’s he gonna do?” thing. I mean, really, how far does that go? If he can’t say no to the guys about lap dances, will he be able to say no about other things? To me, part of trust is knowing that Darling Husband wouldn’t bend to peer pressure.
Anyway, all I can say is next time, talk about expectations and what is and is not ok before the trip begins. GL!
Post # 21
I am going to have to disagree with KellyV on the whole “he couldn’t be the only one to not go” thing. Yes, I know it was a destination thing so he couldn’t go home, but I’m sure there was a hotel room he could have gone back to or another club or something – maybe if he spoke up there would have been another guy who didn’t want to go, too. Or, at the very least, he didn’t HAVE to get a lapdance. I dunno, I just think that our society has come to accept “peer pressure” too much, and I think that true friends should accept when someone feels uncomfortable or doesn’t want to do something instead of giving him a hard time about it.
As far as the OP’s question: I think that since you never really let your Fiance know how you felt about the issue, he didn’t technically do something wrong. However, I definitely think that you should make it very clear how you feel now and make sure that your Fiance is on the same page. If he isn’t willing to give up things like this and you’re going to react the way you did about it, then I forsee problems.
Post # 22
runrgurl – yikes. stripper=slut? I know you’re upset, but that seems a little harsh and judgmental.
Post # 23
I’m sorry your feelings are hurt. But I’m with Hawaii on this one in that it doesnt bother me. I’ve been to strip clubs and I dont feel threatened by anything there. I trust my husband and am really not worried about things going on if im not around.
Post # 24
Hey runrgurl. Sorry you’re going through this, it’s never pleasant to get into fights with your SO. I wish I have some saavy advice on how to make it all better, but unfortunately I don’t. There was a time when I was furious with Fiance (boyfriend at the time) after he and a few friends went to a strip club for a friend’s birthday. Yeah, I totally get what you’re saying; you trust your Fiance but it just sucks that he still went to a strip club. Since then there have been other occasions when he went to strip clubs for bach parties and for some reason, I’ve made my peace.
You mentioned that he basically disappeard off the face of planet during that weekend. This may sound silly to you, but if I were in your shoes, I would be more upset that he didn’t attempt to contact me. Might your anger be a result of the lack of communication? Whenever Fiance disappears for bach weekends, I really couldn’t careless what they do as long as he calls…it makes me know that he’s thinking about me amidst all the bachelor weekend festivities.
Post # 25
Runrgurl, it seems you are more upset about the lapdance than the stripper. is that because you see a lapdance as a more sexual encounter? i know this is going to sound stupid but try not to take it so personally, yes sex should be personal but what your Fiance did with the dancer was a drunken physical act in which he was just the participant and less of a emotional one – am i making any sense?
talk to him, make sure he knows how you feel and set some boundries for the future. this incident does not make him a bad guy or a cheater – in hindesight he made a poor choice but you 2 need to discuss this and move on
Post # 26
I totally understand why you would feel this way. I would be absolutely LIVID if I was in your shoes. So, hugs first of all.
I think the reason you have such stronger feelings today then you did a few years ago is that simply….it was a few years ago. Today he’s your fiance…there’s much stronger feelings there now. I’m going to assume he wasn’t your fiance back then…so it was a different time then.
Also in my opinion, regardless of whether or not you told him how you felt about it doesn’t matter. I think that it’s pretty much a given that a man set to be married shouldn’t have a half naked woman gyrating on his crotch…sorry but my opinion is that just really shouldn’t happen.
Post # 27
Now let me clarify my post real quick. I’m not saying the strip club is the horrible action (although I still wouldn’t want my fiance to go to one) it’s the lap dance that I don’t think an engaged or married man should have. And I know the lap dance is nothing more then the girls job but it’s the fact that it’s inappropriate in my opinion.
Post # 28
I happen to agree with the OP that stripper = slut. Anyone who waves their hoo-ha or boobs in a strangers face qualifies as a slut in my book!
Post # 29
lmao heathaah…hoo-ha! I just can’t Not laugh at that word.
You’re too funny! 🙂
Post # 30
Heathaah.. i have no issues with a working gal, just because their flashing their **** & **** around doesnt make them sluts. some are mums, uni students ect just trying to make ends meet, get education or heck, maybe some really really enjoy their work
as you feel so passionately about it, what about their customers? seeing a stripper doesnt make a guy a bad person either
we can agree to disagree
Post # 31
I just appreciate that no one is calling them “dancers.” As an actual dancer, that really offends me. Granted, some of them do have some talent, and if they’re doing ballet or something during the day, that’s when they’re dancers. If they’re taking their clothes off and dancing naked in a club, they’re just strippers. My two cents. =)