(Closed) Hate the way I look and don’t want to dress shop

posted 7 years ago in Full Figured
Post # 3
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I weigh the heaviest I ever have.  I know how you feel.  But you know what I realized?  No one else cares about your weight or how you look.  They care about “the person inside”, your personality, your character, your kindness, your friendliness.

Besides, when you look at someone else, do you think, “Wow, what a huge double chin.”  Of course not!  You are the only person that thinks negative thoughts about yourself.  Promise.

Post # 4
Member
2542 posts
Sugar bee

*Hugs*

Honestly, I felt exactly the same way. I have gained a lot of weight in the last few years and I was dreading going dress shopping because I thought I would have a difficult time finding something I loved and didn’t feel huge in. 

Guess what? I had so much fun AND I found a fantastic, flattering dress that I love. I shouldn’t have worried so much about it. 

My advice would be to go into it with an open mind. Try on any style you can, even if it looks ugly on the hanger or it’s not what you imagined getting – some things look  horrible on a hanger and fabulous on.

Wear good structured undergarments so you can get a better idea of how the dresses will look on the day of. 

Try to focus on things you like about yourself and look for a dress that compliments that feature.

It will be much more fun than you think!!!

Good luck, and if you find something come back and show us!!

Post # 6
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I was in your exact same boat a couple years ago.  I think you should take the pressure off and hold off on dress shopping.  If you are anything like me, getting into sample sizes with the clamps, etc was embarrassing for me to do in front of people.  IF you end up going, make sure you go to shops that will have dresses you can put on.  There was one place I went where most of the dresses wouldn’t fit.

I didn’t start looking til March.  It only gave me a couple months, but I felt better in my slimmer body.  Ultimately, I lost 40 pounds and my end result ended up looking totally different (and I wished I had the figure during the initial dress shopping).

But, at some point, you just have to bite the bullet – no matter WHAT size you are.  Make sure you try on EVER cut of dress you can.  You will be FLOORED what ultimately looks good and what doesn’t.  In my experience, bridal dresses are different than regular special ocassion dresses and fit completely different.  

Also – keep in mind that your family and friends love YOU.  Not your body.  I totally understand the feeling of being sad about dress shopping in a size you don’t wish to be….. it’s hard.  There’s no way around it.  But, you can still find something you love – even though the situation is less than ideal in your mind.

If you stick with your diet and lose weight between now and March – your body shape will likely change (which is why I’m an advocate for waiting as long as you can).  Whatever you may like now may not necessarily be the case later…. 

Post # 7
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I lost 40 pounds a few years ago to boost my self esteem and get in shape. I gained every bit of it back over the last 3 years I’ve been with FH, literally being fat and happy sitting on the couch with him and eating chinese food. I don’t love the extra weight, and I’m working on losing it… Yeah, I’m on day 6 of my diet. But I went dress shopping this past Saturday and had an AMAZING time. I went to a store I knew carried my size (Davids Bridal, which honeslty, was a surprisingly great experience!) and I literally told my consultant – bring me something beachy and flattering. Thats it. I found a dress that I love, and am excited to look at more dresses! I told her I wanted to lose weight, but that I had no intention of buying my dress 3 sizes too small – but wait, and order in Feb/March. Be realistic and have FUN – the ladies in your life love you for YOU and will be excited. And I hope you are too! 

Post # 8
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Bostongrl25: Although my wedding is a little sooner, I’m pretty much in the same position as you (even down to dress shopping over the holidays), and it sucks. But I found a dress online today that I’m actually excited to try on, so I have a little bit of hope now. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I lost 40lbs and gained 20 back. I am waiting till i drop at least 15 before dress shopping. Then again, i don’t have family coming in:)

Since you’re wedding is a long ways away, here’s what i would do–Go shopping with them, pick out all the dresses for bridesmaids, maid of honor, mother’s dress etc. 

Try on a few wedding dresses but don’t buy anything yet. Just tell them you didn’t like any of the ones you saw but make a note of a few styles that you like.

When you’ve dropped enough pounds to where you’re comfortable then go back and try on again smaller size or some other styles. Make your wedding dress a surprise for everyone on your wedding day?

Post # 10
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I gained a bit of weight 6 years ago and am still self conscious of it. You’d think i’d either try harder to get in shape or get used to it. I’m putting off looking at dresses b/c i want to get in shape but we’re toying with the idea of a May/June wedding so I’d pretty much have to go by Christmas. Unfortunately I’m pretty sick right now so working out is not a priority (although ironically I have lost a little weight). I’ve whined about this to my partner and he says sweet things to me. One of my closest female friends knows that I’m expecting her to tell me if dresses are flattering or not.

Post # 11
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

send me a pic of you and send me the dresses you like and I can photoshop them onto you so that you can visualize wha you look like. 

Post # 12
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If you would like, I love all things wedding and I hated the feeling trying on dresses gave me cause it made me feel bad and sucked out my self confidence. 

I would be willing to help you by photoshopping some of your favorite dresses onto a picture of yourself.  Just PM me and I will give you my personal email address. 

Post # 13
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I understand how you feel.  I am a size 22/24 and I am dreading shopping for a dress.  I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life.  I keep telling myself that despite the size of the dress, I am beautiful.  You need to keep that in mind as well.  Also, like others have said here…no one is going to be thinking anything negative when they see you.  We are so much harder on ourselves. 

 

Post # 14
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Like the previous post said, we are our harshest critics. I am in a similar situation. However, I recently went to go shop for a dress and the experience went better than what I thought it would. While trying on the dresses with the clamps and the extra pannel, i repeated my mother’s words in my head: “There are no ugly brides.” And i have been repeating those words every day during this wedding planning process. You will find the right dress for you and you will love the way you look. 

Post # 15
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I understand completely when the fiance and I met I was a size four when he proposed I had reached a 14 which on a 5’2″ frame is a lot more than I was comfortable with. I made a deal with myself I wouldnt go shopping until I lost just 10 pounds. I did it in just over a month and went shopping and had an amazing time I had lost enough to feel strong and confident even if I wasnt where I wanted to be. Im down 15 now and hope to lose another 10+ before I have to order the gown (im an october bride too so we have some wiggle room left). Good luck and remember he fell for you and asked you despite whatever folds buldges or rolls plague you he will think you are the most beautiful woman in the world on that day, focusing on his reaction has helped me get past what I see as imperfections. 

Post # 16
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m in the exact same boat as you right now. I’m going dress shopping for the first time this coming Tuesday and I am terrified. It’s supposed to be a happy and exciting time but with me weighing the heaviest I’ve ever been, I’m not looking forward to it.

The only thing keeping me sane is the excitement of putting on dresses and maybe, just maybe, feeling like a princess despite my weight.

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