Post # 1
Member
10 posts
Newbee
I’m getting married in 2 months. I have the dress (alterations next week) but I am struggling with my body image. I have had 4 miscarriages in the last couple years and it’s taken its toll on me. We are actually having a service next week for the last beautiful baby boy we lost. I’m trying not to blame myself but it’s getting so hard to emotionally deal with. I look in the mirror and want to smash it. Feel like it’s my body that has killed my babies. I am seeking counselling but it doesn’t seem to be helping.
My mom lives out of town and she didn’t get to see me try on dresses so she asked me for a picture. I put on the dress and the veil and took a pic in the bathroom and sent it to her. She thinks I look beautiful….what else could she say….but I just hate myself right now, you can see the sadness in my face.
I want to be happy with myself but I’m afraid I’m never going to feel beautiful in my dress or happy with myself. I know this seems selfish but I want to forget everything that has happened just for a day and have a happy wedding. I am marrying the most wonderful and supportive man. I am so grateful in that way. He is the love of my life and we have been through so much. But it’s so hard to feel beautiful when you feel so sad. Any advice?
Post # 2
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE
I think you look beautiful. Losing a wanted child is never easy, no matter how far along you are. I would definitely suggest grief counseling for you and your Fiance if he wants it as well. Sometimes grief takes time, and you need to take all the time you need before doing anything else, including TTC again. If it were me I would put a hold on trying to conceive until after the wedding, not for any religious or social reason, but to reconnect with your Fiance in preparation for the happiest day of your lives!
Post # 3
Member
10 posts
Newbee
ElephantAndTheFlea: Thank you. We are waiting until after the wedding to try and conceive again. We do have one beautiful 2.5 year old girl who is our world…so that definitely helps. My Fiance and I have only gotten closer through these losses. He is my best friend and I can’t imagine my life without him. We were never the had to get married people but going through all this has made us realize how much we love each other and need each other.
Post # 4
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
I am very sorry to hear of your losses, it must be incredibly difficult for you and your Fiance. My best friend had three miscarriages before carrying to full term, and now she has four children. So there is hope!
I think you look incredibly beautiful in the picture, and you will make a stunning bride. Perhaps take this time to focus on yourself, your Fiance and your wedding instead of ttc, just for now.
Post # 5
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I’m glad to hear your fiance is so supportive and you have him to lean on. For what it’s worth, I think you look beautiful. But I can see the sadness in your face. I agree that grief counseling for you and your fiance together could be very very helpful. It may be easier said than done but try to set aside your wedding day as a day to celebrate and cherish all that you have with your partner and your daughter. You and your family deserve at least that one day. I wish you the absolute best!
Post # 6
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can relate a little. When DH was just my BF, we lost our twin girls at 5 months into the pregnancy. I had to go through labor and everything. I hated my body for how it betrayed me.
I remember looking at pictures of him and I together and crying, thinking we would never ever look or be that happy again. Going through that awful experience made us realize that we really wanted to get married. It actually made us stronger.
Prior to our wedding day, I remember thinking that I was going to be really sad on that day because I would be missing our girls. I had visions of them being flower girls. But you know what, I wasn’t sad at all. I thought about them of course. But, I kept thinking that they would have been really happy that their mommy and daddy loved each other so much and were so joyous on that day. It took us about 2.5 years to feel healed enough to think about trying again. It was petrifying but our beautiful son is 2.5 months now. I think about my girls a lot still. Some days are better than others.
You look beautiful. Honor all of your children by being filled with joy to marry their dad. Time won’t make your sadness go away but it will make it not as loud. Good luck to you.
Post # 7
Member
10 posts
Newbee
rosegoldgirl: Your post made me cry. I feel for you. I was 4 months when we lost our last little boy, I also went into labour. I think about him every day and I am so sorry for your loss of your girls. My heart breaks for you. I’m glad to hear that you are coping and that you were able to have a good time at your wedding. I am going to try and focus on the happy things in my life.
Post # 8
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
You look stunning! You really do. I am so sorry.
Post # 9
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loses. I can’t imagine the heartbreak you have gone through. You look so beautiful. I hope you can try to try to think of the good things you have in your life and have a wonderful day as a tribute to your angels.
Post # 10
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery
kayleeannsmom: Thank you, sweetie. So I’ve been thinking of you since I read your post. First off, I want to say that whatever you are feeling is right. Don’t try to feel any certain way. I have to be honest and say that I sat in my sadness for a while. I didn’t try to put on a brave face. It made me feel better in the long run I think.
Secondly, my mom mentioned my girls’ names the other day and it took my breath away. After 3 years, the grief stills rears its ugly head. I guess I’m saying this to let you know that you shouldn’t put a time limit on yourself. Whatever you feel, feel it. Don’t push it away and don’t shut out your strong Fiance. These are things I wish someone would have told me but I had to figure out myself. Sending you positive thoughts!
Post # 11
Member
5884 posts
Bee Keeper
You look GORGEOUS. You have experienced a lot of heartbreak in a very short amount of time and I would feel the same way about my body too/resenting it. It’s completely normal. But you can never ever give up hope. That’s all we have and with hope everything is possible and life can turn out the way you want it to. Congratulations on your wedding ☺☺☺
Post # 12
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
- Wedding: October 2018 - Inn On Broadway
kayleeannsmom: You look BEAUTIFUL!!!! Sorry for your loss
Post # 13
Member
7 posts
Newbee
I’m sorry. This is very hard on you emotionally and physically. I would suggest grief counseling. [content moderated]
As for the wedding dress, do what makes YOU feel good. Are you sure you want to do the whole princess wedding gown thing? Maybe you need a more low key event with a pretty dress that isn’t necessarily a bridal gown. After four miscarriages, I would be in no frame of mind to have a traditional wedding.
hope you feel better soon.
Post # 14
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery
fleurfairy: I realize that we are all entitled to our own opinions…BUT just because someone has had multiple MCs does not mean that they should stop trying.
kayleeannsmom: you deserve to wear the “princess” dress if you damn well want. Nothing about your wedding needs to be low key.
Post # 15
Member
12340 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
fleurfairy: Holy f*k. Are you serious??? So does that mean that anyone who has any trouble conceiving should just give up cause obviously Mother Nature is trying to tell the something cause they have been cursed with infertility. You couldn’t have said anything less sensitive if you tired. wow….
kayleeannsmom: I’m sorry for your losses. I think you should def see a RE when you are ready to try again and see if there’s a reason for the repeated losses. Have you had any testing and blood work done? Basic Rh type?