- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
i’ve been there for her for years, whatever she wanted or needed , whatever it took, i was always there for her. but now i’m getting married and she’s been less than supportive. she’s single and very unhappy about it, falling into all night benders and hooking up with guys while blacked out. some of you may judge that, but i really don’t because i had a lot of fun sowing my wild oats. but she’s not enjoying it at all, which means it’s not right for her in my book.
she’s six years younger than me (i’m 34), but thinks it reflects badly on her that i’m getting married and she’s single. i can understand how lonely it can feel since i’ve been there, but i can’t imagine showing that to a friend i care about, especially if i was in their wedding party. one of the first things she said when she found out we were engaged was “you have to understand how bad this makes me feel”. i’ve been living with him for 4 years (and am running out of fertility), so in my mind a good friend would be mad if he didn’t propose.
also, she’s good friends with my Fiance (we all used to work together). she’s withdrawn from our friendship, and constantly been upset with me for no reason since the engagement, and he’s gotten more distant from her, and upset with her for hurting me. for example, when i asked her (2 weeks before) to come to my first dress shopping, she never responded, and when i pushed it the night before saying it wouldn’t be the same without her, she said that she’d had a birthday party to go to for weeks and needed the day after (my shopping day) to relax before work. after spending a night crying and texting her, she agreed to come, but was so hung over the next day that she was late and lost, and i spent quite some time of my appointment on her.
my Fiance totally told her off for hurting me so much, then she talked him into meeting for a drink to talk things out tonight. i was totally behind that, except he ended up staying out until midnight (6 hours) getting trashed with her. she texted me while they were out with some totally un-asked-for advice on my wedding dress choices, to which i responded that i had already done what she suggested, but that it really wasn’t her choice (she worded it like “do this, don’t do that”, like orders). then when he finally got back, after 6 hours of drinking with her, the only thing he had to say was why i was so tough on her when she was just trying to be nice (with the orders). this is a girl he hadn’t spoken to in weeks, he was so annoyed at her for making me feel bad.
1. i hate her for being in my wedding party and keeping my Fiance out forever on a weeknight (and yes, she’s the biggest peer-pressurer of all time).
2. i hate her for texting me that she decided the dress i wanted wasn’t “trustworthy”, as if i’m not an adult with a brain (fyi she can barely get through a day without others’ advice, she’s so clueless). the last advice she gave me ended me up in a terrible place.
3. she said she was planning an engagement party for us, so we stopped planning one. only so did she, so now we’ll never have one.
4. i feel like she’s just manipulating me and Fiance as needed to keep her friends, without any real caring about what it’s like to be in my position. if you were a female friend of a couple, would you take the guy out all night and feed him shots? i’m not saying he’s blameless, but this post is specifically about my bridesmaid.
5. she obviously showed him our texts about my wedding dress to get him to side with her, and i was trying to keep all of that secret. is getting him to side with her more important than keeping my dress secret?
this girl is my only local, everyday friend, and we’ve been friends for years. does the fact that she makes me cry every other day mean i need to talk to her more, or that i need to stop talking to her altogether? she’s important to me, and it’s hard to imagine doing that. i hate that she’s sad and lonely, but i’m starting to think that she’d rather we all join her misery, than get on board with the wedding.
am i being overbearing, or is she being a bitch?