Post # 1
I need some advice or maybe just a little cheering up. I’m hating planning FH and I wedding.
We were engaged April 8th and wedding day is November 5th. We always knew we wanted to either elope or have an intimate 20 max guest wedding. We went with the 20 guest to keep our families onside. We now wish we could elope but have paid too much money and flights have been booked by many (we live west coast of Aus, every guest is coming across from over East).
Our low stress intimate wedding is causing me ulcers (literally!) because of drama and people pushing their own two cents on us. Between my abusive sister saying she isn’t attending the wedding at all and pulling out my niece too (who was flower girl), my emotionally distant mother who is rewarding her behaviour with manicures and city hotels, to my Future Sister-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law who keeps trying to ‘suggest’ changes (read: demand) and additions by offering to pay for additions but not for things we actually need, to father of groom declaring he isn’t attending but saying to others he is but ‘dont tell the bride or groom’… Uhhh WTF. It goes on and on. I’ts a f*cking nightmare and there is still over 5 months to go.
I’m just trying to keep my head above water really, just wanting to get it over with. FH feels the same, but with me doing the bulk of the planning and dealing with calls from these 20 people every day, it’s affecting me more. Not sure if I am able to get excited again.
Post # 2
Don’t answer the phone. Screen your calls. Practice saying “Thanks for your inout/suggestion. Fiance and i will take it into consideration.”
Make a conscious choice to not let people push your buttons.
Post # 3
Remember that this day is for you and your fiance. Stick to what you want. Deep breath, if only 2 people show up then only two people show up. As long as at the end of the day you are married to your fiance then the day is a success!
Post # 4
If you are literally getting ulcers over planning/ family drama etc and the wedding has become a source of stress rather than joy, my first reaction would be to say ‘go with yours & FI’s initial option of eloping- BUT you say several people have already booked their flight, so this may not be something you feel you can still cancel. Soooo, the other option is for you and FI- as a united team, he has to step into the fray on this one, not leave it all up to you!- to put your foot down firmly and let it be known to all the wedding guests/ frequent callers etc that- no if ands or buts- “We are planning an intimate wedding and we would love you to be there to celebrate with us, HOWEVER please understand that we really truly don’t want this to become a source of stress or friction for us or for anyone else. If you are planning to attend, you are most welcome. If you cannot attend we understand and your presence will be missed. Please understand that, while we appreciate offers of help and suggestions, we have already planned our celebration in a way that is meaningful to us and within our budget.” Then let the phone go to voicemail, snuggle up with Fiance, and enjoy simply being together or watching DVDs etc- this is your celebration, not their platform for drama.
Post # 5
I cope by saying “thanks for that suggestion” when I am being polite, “I love that idea!!!” when someone gives a great suggestion, and “we’re not doing that (straight face)” when someone has been pushing too hard. Hugs to you, bee! It will be great!
Post # 6
Sending virtual hugs your way. I’m dealing with the same issues right now and it’s emotionally exhaustiing and I understand. This one wants this and that one wants that…the endless calls and booking of appointments and the money oh boy the money. I know some girls enjoy planning, but I don’t, not in the least. Maybe I will feel differently later, but right now I just want it all over with.
Post # 7
Wedding planning can be so stressful, especially when other people make things more complicated for you. Just remember that the most important part is that you get to marry your Fiance, and the other stuff just doesn’t matter that much.
Post # 8
Can the two of you get away for the weekend and refresh? People suck. Especially when it’s family during a high stress time. Maybe changing the scenery a little and having time so you can focus on each other can help get you on the same page, remind you of the excitement of marrying each other and just be over all relaxing.
Post # 9
Yep I have taken that on thanks
I wish only our two best friends showed up! Thanks
Thanks for reminding me that our day isn’t a platform for their drama, it’s been hard to untangle our day from their crap, that little sentence helped remind me their not one and the same.
Unfortunately most family don’t respond to normal replies like these, but I will keep trying!
I hear you snowball! I hope you find peace soon xx
yep, bring the focus back to us, my long walk today helped do that 🙂
what a great idea! Suggested it to FH
Post # 10
lit was the last thing I felt like doing but went on a huge 15km walk today (used to run 10km, so not overdoing it) and the exercise endorphins have helped put things in perspective. Not feeling perfect but I feel I can cope again. I’ll keep up the walKa and fingers crossed.