Have a boyfriend but crushing on his bestfriend

posted 8 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5758 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

The truth is you can control feelings if you want to. You can stop yourself thinking about this guy if you want to but you are choosing to entertain these feelings and allow them to build. 

Either stop allowing yourself to fantasize about his friend or end the relationship. 

Post # 3
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Confessionsofauntie :  His bestfriend is super respectful to me, listens to what i have to say and cares about me.

I’m confused, does your boyfriend not do these things? Because these are very basic things that you should expect from a partner in a relationship. 

Post # 4
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

I can’t comment on crushing on the best friend, but it isn’t that unusual to start questioning a relationship that began at age 15.  Do you think that could be part of it?  Have you simply grown apart and this guy just seems super appealing to you?

Post # 5
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

I think you need to try to stop those feelings (redirect your mind to something else when you think of the best friend) and if that doesn’t work leave your boyfriend.  If you leave your boyfriend, don’t go to his best friend. Leave their friendship alone if you care about them.  I have witnessed terrible pain and betrayal occur in these sorts of situations. They scar people for life.  Confessionsofauntie :  

Post # 6
Member
6546 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

zzar45 :  I agree. The idea that a person cannot control their feelings/fantasies/thoughts is false. If you mentally crossed the best friend off your list, you would stop thinking about him in fairly short order. But you ENJOY fantasizing about him, so you don’t stop.

And you should cross the best friend off your list. Even if things don’t work out with the boyfriend, moving on to his best friend is in really poor taste and the two of them could end up losing a long-time friendship. Not worth it at all. 

Perhaps this is an indication that your relationship with your boyfriend has run its course and you’re ready for something or someone new. Don’t stay just because you’re comfortable or afraid to leave. There’s a whole world out there, so if you aren’t feeling it, then move on.

Post # 7
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Is your boyfriend not kind or respectful? 

I’d say to control your feelings and stop seeing the best friend. If your boyfriend’s a good guy, why leave him just for the illusion that the grass is always greener? Are you bored in your relationship? If so, maybe you need to spice things up. 

Cut off all contact with that best friend until you figure out what’s really up. You need to re-evaluate your current relationship. What’s there and what’s lacking? What are your needs and how are they being met? 

 

Post # 8
Member
4603 posts
Honey bee

Break up with the boyfriend.  Cut both of them out of your life.  Find someone who does it for you that isn’t your current boyfriend’s best friend.  Or just be single for awhile.

I mean, “respectful, listen, and cares” is like baseline decent human being behavior.  I promise you the best friend isn’t some unicorn.  But if that’s all it takes for him to get you fantasizing about him and not your boyfriend, then clearly something is missing from your relationship or you’ve just not had enough life experience with people in general to understand there’s more out there in friendships and relationships than those two guys.

You’re 22.  Most people don’t live out life with the people they dated at 15.  Most 15 year old couples don’t grow to want the exact same things out of life and remain the people at 22 or 25 that they were at 15.  Maybe it’s an issue of you’ve grown to want different things or the relationship has run its course.  It’s ok.

Post # 9
Member
2887 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Confessionsofauntie :  These feelings are probably a good indicator that it’s time to move on from your relationship… you started dating as kids, and you’re still incredibly young. It’s perfectly OK if you’ve outgrown him and want to see what else is out there.

Post # 10
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Never mind that they’ve been together 7 years. If he was not a good guy, a break up would have already happened. 

I’ve read that some people become attracted to others for one reason or another, but they choose to starve that attraction and get over it. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with their relationship—it means that they need to focus nurturing their own relationship instead of fantasizing about others. Breaking up solely for the sake of a crush on a whim isn’t going to be the best response and the OP might be throwing away something good.  futuremrs2020 :  

Post # 11
Member
930 posts
Busy bee

sarandah :  I agree with you on this last comment. 

OP, try to redirect your feelings towards your relationship. Focus on what you have going on now, and make it a great relationship. If you dont see it happening with your bf, then look to move on and explore more. 

Post # 12
Member
1977 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

sarandah :  Just because he might be a good guy it doesn’t mean they are right for each.

OP, people grow a lot from 15 to 22. I can’t tell you that you and your boyfriend need to break up but whatever happens don’t act on the feelings you have for his best friend. 

Post # 13
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Itʻs obvi that you just have to sleep with both and rate them to see who you wanna be with duh wink

Post # 14
Member
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

annabananabee : 

I agree to every word. 

You probably love the comfort he gives you at this point. Real passionate and worth investing love doesn’t shatter with some attractive guy. It’s not a fault of course, it’s just people evolve and want different things.

 

Post # 15
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

 I agree with you too. The OP should at least try to make it workladama :  

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