- 4 years ago
ellieopie: I’m pretty sure I’ve said this before, but with few exceptions, nearly every single one of us goes into marriage with the expectation of forever. And on a site like this, geared toward people getting married, you will see a lot of ‘stick it out’ and ‘go to counseling’ and ‘don’t take marriage lightly’. That makes perfect sense, given the forum – a lot more beginnings than endings here.
This situation is impossible to convey to someone that hasn’t been through it. I did not go into my marriage expecting it to fail, and I didn’t have strong doubts in the beginning (but I should have). It it amazing to me now that I didn’t put everything together, but I didn’t. I thought we could work through everything. Some marriages end with a bang, a big blow-out situation that causes a scandal and rocks what you thought you knew of a person.
But I suspect many more of them end the way mine did – with a giant space in the middle of the couch, with silent car rides, and with the last thing you see before closing your eyes being someone else’s back.
I wouldn’t be on weddingbee at all if I wasn’t getting married (August 15th) and I wouldn’t be getting married if I didn’t still believe in it with my whole heart – and I truly do. I could say everything that CakeSniffer did, but she already said it too well. When you find the right person, the person who not only fulfills your needs, but anticipates them – it makes everything different. I’m not naive enough to think that we won’t have problems, and I will probably take the advice of every marriage counselor and book out there, when that happens. The difference is that I will be doing it with someone else, instead of by myself crying.
I love my Fiance with my whole heart, but I also don’t want to turn this into a ‘My marriage sucked and then I met someone who taught me the meaning of real love (and Christmas)’ story. My marriage sucked. I left the sucky marriage. I figured out that I deserved to leave the sucky marriage. Then I figured out that having a good, supportive partner was the MINIMUM of what I deserved, but really, I could reach for (and expect to get) a whole lot more. Now I have sky-high expectations and absolutely no apologies for that. And while I was mulling over all of this, I happened to meet a wonderful guy who agreed with me about all of the aforementioned things.
This entire process took a long time though. If you can, don’t lose sight of that giving nature. Going that extra mile, and putting time, effort, and love into everything you do is not a quality that makes you a sucker (even if it feels that way sometimes). Having a generous, open heart isn’t a fault; it’s an asset and a strength – one that only the best people have, and only the best people appreciate.