(Closed) Have any bees gone through marriage ambivalence?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee

Gosh, I am just slow today. I  reread the OP’s post and realized she is married already.

DONT leave. Try counseling!!!

Post # 62
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Butterfly6:  I like your initial advice for her, but did you read the latest update where he admitted to being bisexual? Still relevant advice but seems like you may have missed that.

OP these things take time. Take the time you need, but I think you know where it’s headed. Support him sure, but focus on yourself. And don’t lead him on. I agree with counseling, staying with parents to clear your head. You’re dealing with a lot. And don’t be scared, you’re as young as you’re going to be so when the time is right, get back out there and meet someone new. People do it at your age and much older all the time. All the best to you.

Post # 63
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee

 

Reign14:  Yes, reading is fundamental and I missed it on this one.

Let me reread. Thanks for pointing out.

Post # 65
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

ellieopie:  As much as I hate to hear what a difficult time you are having, I am so happy that you have handled this all with such grace and strength and are making the move to get the life that you deserve. I know you don’t need some stranger on the internet to give you approval, but I think you gave your marriage every possible chance (more than many others would have) and have absolutely made the best (and only) decision you could to move on with your life. I can’t wait to see what is waiting around the corner for you – it’s going to be so great. Even just having this weight of your shoulders and regaining your true independence to live how you want will be so empowering. 

I’m sorry you’re not getting the support you would have liked from your parents and I can understand why you would be feeling hurt. I agree with your friend that I think under these circumstances it would be reasonable for you to have an open (albeit limited) conversation to establish that the reason your marriage is over is connected with your husband’s uncertainty regarding his sexuality, unless you think this would somehow get back to his family. They are your parents and although I understand why your husband would prefer they did not know, keeping this ‘secret’ affects more than just him (as you are finding out right now).

Having said all that, I don’t think your parents should need this information in order to be convinced to support you. I would hope that you saying to them something like ‘I’m afraid there are some deeply personal and irreconcilable issues in our relationship that we have agreed not to discuss with others that are at the root of this decision. I hope you can trust my judgement and not ask me to betray [husband]’s confidence, as your support is so important to me right now’ that they might take a step back and rethink things. Maybe they just really haven’t considered that there is a legitimate and understandable reason behind your decision that you simply are not in a position to share? 

Wishing you the very best of luck, bee. I’ll be sad for you as you move through this difficult transition, but that will soon be overtaken with my excitement for your future. Hope you keep us updated. 

Post # 66
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

ellieopie:  

” For the next little while I will probably focus on selling our house and moving out, which I’m really really excited about. Men can wait. “

Glad to hear your attitude on this point.

As to your parents, I would tell them that while you two worked at resolutions for so long, in the end HE has chosen to leave the marriage and YOU have chosen not to contest his departure. Hopefully that can satisfy their curiosity and you can leave it at that for the time being. That’s what I’d imagine saying if I were in your position.

Best wishes, Bee.

 

 

Post # 67
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

I am sorry you are going though this. I would say DO what you feel is best for YOU. 🙂

I Hope you find the happiness you are looking for (with or without your DH), Best of luck!    

Post # 68
Member
6276 posts
Bee Keeper

You’re handling this all beautifully. sending you much love and best wishes for a very bright future. 

Post # 69
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry you’re going through all this, but you’ve got such a great attitude about it! Good for you.

I wanted to make a small note about your apprehension regarding seeing all the terrible relationships on forums like this one. Remember that if people aren’t having issues, they likely aren’t writing about them looking for advice! So don’t worry. There are plenty of people in happy relationships, and you will be one of them when the time is right 🙂

Post # 70
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m glad you’re taking this in stride and are ready to move on now that you know the relationship’s finally over and can’t be salvaged. Honestly, I would go ahead and tell my parents, at least a condensed, filtered version. It’s unfair that you don’t have their support because they don’t know the whole story. Are you planning to keep your ex in your life? If not, you have no reason to lie on his behalf to your parents, who likely will never see him again. Divorce is tough enough without the added burden of not being able to share everything with those you love, so even if you and your ex plan to be besties for the next 50 years, you don’t owe it to him to lie for him. Good luck!

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