(Closed) Have any bees had an abortion? How do you feel years later?

posted 7 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
2 posts

Going incognito for this one.

Yep, I had one and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. Before this happend, I was in a long term relationship (6 years) and we were engaged. Things went downhill shortly after the engagement and we broke up. We decided to give things another try but there were too many hurt feelings and it was just the most painful few months trying to make it work. Needless to say it was headed for disaster a second time. Throw in an unwanted pregnancy at this point and it was a no brainer for me.

It doesn’t bother me one bit to this day and I’m happier than I’ve ever been with my new husband 🙂

Post # 4
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Yes, I did at 16 years old and I can honestly say I never lost one moment of sleep because of it. It did not destroy any relationships or ruin my life.  If a soul is meant to experience a life on Earth, then if that soul does not come through one person, then the soul will choose another. Humans can not destroy the soul and the body is merely a vehicle for that soul.


The important thing is how YOU feel about it. I can tell you many women of my Mother’s generation smoked, drank alcohol and took medications during their pregnancies because they didn’t know better at the time. Yet most of us came through with flying colors!


Post # 5
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would strongly advise you to get a confirmatory pregnancy test and  then see a genetic  counselor ASAP. A genetic counselor can help to tell you and your fiance about the risk  for genetic disorders in the pregnancy and the options you have. You can search by zip code at nsgc.org. It’s always difficult to come to the decision of termination, but it’s best to make the decision quickly as the price for termination increases with gestational age. There is no “right” answer in a situation like  this, but there is an answer that is right for you as an indivudual and a couple. And  that might be different than what is right for someone else. But what’s right for you only has to be right for you and your fiance. Nobody else.

Post # 6
86 posts
Worker bee

@pictureaccount:  I had one nearly 2 years ago when I was 26 and I can say I’ve not regretted it one bit. I was with my Boyfriend or Best Friend for 5 years at the time and we had a house together, financially stable and would have been able to afford it, but it really wasnt our time. I had it done at very nearly 12 weeks so had to be admitted to the hospital as a day patient rather than having the ‘at home’ tablet option but apart from being a bit painful (stomach cramp type) it wasn’t too bad and the relief afterwards told me it was the right thing to do. We’ll have kids one day but I do not regret it at all.

Post # 7
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Not me, but a close friend of mine said I could share her story.

She’s actually had two. One time she did the medicine, the other time the surgical. All of her sexual encounters had been protected both times. She’s just super fertile I guess?

Physical: She said the surgical was an overall better experience – shorter, she felt she recovered quicker, and she felt safer the whole time, creating less general anxiety and upset. Not as convenient, and more expensive, but less overall pain (more pain over a very short period, as opposed to still-siginificant pain over nearly a day.)

She had no complications either time, recovered to 100% quickly, and remains in perfect physical condition. She plans to have children in the future and her fertility is fine, nothing to stop her from doing that.

Emotional: This is why she wanted to put her story out there – to refute the idea that everyone gets miserable or depressed or feels loss.

When she got pregnant the first time, she was terrified, depressed, anxious, generally miserable. She reacted very, very badly, even drinking heavily because she didn’t want the baby. She went to a “crisis pregnancy center” near our university, not knowing what those actually were, and encountered awful people trying to sell her lies about fetuses and pregnancy to convince her to keep it. Fortunately she was too smart to believe that stuff.

Planned parenthood was much more helpful – reassuring and kind, understanding of her financial situation and able to render services for a reduced cost. She had a checkup to see how far along she was. She didn’t say exactly, but it couldn’t have been too far, because they gave her pills for her medicine abortion.

She said the experience of the medical miscarriage itself was stressful and hurt, but she didn’t feel guilt or depression, just nerves about the medical aspect and what could go wrong. She told me that if I talked about this I should mention, nothing recognizable came out. (Because sometimes you hear that it does from anti choicers.)

When it was over, she experienced nothing other than relief and gladness to get back to her normal life.

The second time was similar, but went better – the surgical procedure was unpleasant, but didn’t take as long, and she felt reassured by being in a safe medical setting the whole time and having it all over at once.

Again, after, she felt happiness and lightness and relief that her problem had been solved. She didn’t feel mired or sad afterward, she never thought about the fetus after, except when people ask her about it.

Years later, she does not regret either instance, would do it again if she had to (but notes that she hopes it never happens again because it’s expensive and painful and stressful) and is really glad that that resource was available and that her life didnt have to be ruined because of something outside her control. She’s said before that it would have destroyed her relationship and her life if she’d had to stay pregnant, but because she didn’t, she was able to move on and be happy. (They eventually broke up but it was unrelated.)

She has spoken publicly about her experience and given permission for others to repeat it, because she feels that many or most women are probably like her, not like the grim, depressed post-abortion woman that some people like to promote. (She is very political and was already passionate about choice, so it seems kind of natural.)

For more like her, check out imnotsorry.net


Post # 8
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I haven’t had one, but my mom has. I don’t know at what point in my life she told me, but I feel like I’ve known all along. She had an abortion between her first and second children, and she calls it one of the best decisions she ever made for herself

I also have two friends who had abortions. Both seemed to go into the abortion as emotional wrecks but came out with feelings of relief. One of my friends is actually a bit older (32), single, and badly wants to be a mom, but the circumstances under which she got pregnant were not what she had dreamed for herself. She thought she would regret it, but it’s given her the drive to reevaluate her life and make positive changes. She says she has no regrets!

Good luck to you, and I’m sure you’ll make the decision that is right for yourself.

Post # 9
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

This is one of the few times I have publicly discussed this, but yes. I had an abortion when I was 17 for obvious reasons (lack of support, lack of financial assistance, and just plain scared to carry a child). Contrary to other posters, I do regret it. I am 24 now, happily married, and expecting a baby girl in October, but live in constant regret of my selfish decision. I am pro-choice, but there were options available that I chose to ignore (a big one being adoption). I cannot say it ruined my life, and fortunately my husband is understanding of my past. However, it does haunt me – especially now that I am an excited soon-to-be mother. 

It should be a decision that is made after much thought. Good luck. 

Post # 10
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It was absolutely the right decision at the time, but knowing what I know now (and how hard it wouldn’t have been for us to conceive again), I wish I hadn’t. It’s not even that I wish I hadn’t of done it, because like I said I cant imagine where we’d all be right now if I hadn’t of gone through with it, I just always wonder “what if”? 

Post # 11
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’ve never had one personally, but I went with 3 of my girlfriends to get them. 1 was in HS, I was like 15 she was older but I went with her, I think she was fine with it. I don’t talk to her anymore so I have no idea what she’s doing. The 2nd is one of my best friends, she had 1 in HS right after turning 18, she struggled with it, but ultimately was fine and does NOT regret it at all. She went into college about 3 months after the abortion, she broke up with her Boyfriend or Best Friend right after he acted like an ass when he found out she was pregnant. She is now a very successful biologist and worked her ass off in school to get there b/c she figured she owed it to herself since she gave up the baby to basically have a future. The 3rd was also one of my best friends, we were 25 and lived together at the time. She was never the same afterwards. She changed completely and then planned a pregnancy with a loser she was dating for a few months. She has a beautiful baby now, but I think she did it to fill a void.. Either way, I used to be pro choice but my various trips to the clinics have made me pro life by faarrr. Not saying I care what others do with their bodies, but I sometimes think people go into it not really thinking about it clearly enough, and not realizing what a huge deal it is. I guess maybe for some it’s not, I just know for me it would be. I think it’s one of those things you may think you are ok with and later on down the line may not really be.  You’re the only one who can know for sure what is right for you. My ex bf’s sister also had one, her and her bf discussed it, and thought it was for the best, but in the end neither really was ok with it and they wound up breaking up after being together for 4 years. Just really really weigh every option and make sure you’re sure of WHICHEVER route you take! good luck OP! I hope everything works out for you!


Post # 12
923 posts
Busy bee

get the blood test, there are a lot of reasons for missing a period that aren’t pregancy. I haven’t had an abortion, but I did have a early miscarriage and I would have aborted if I hadn’t miscarried. I also had  my daughter when I was 22 and broke. it is really hard to raise a child when you are young and broke and don’t have any idea what you’re doing. I’ve gotten my life together since I had her, but it hasn’t been easy and It’s going to take me twice as long to finish my degree and get my career started than it would have. If you don’t feel ready then don’t beat yourself up, making the smart choice for your family is never immoral. I think that you will know what the right desicion is for you when the time comes, and having an abortion isn’t going to ruin your life or your relationship unless it’s already broken. most of my female friends have had abortions, and their feelings about them range from thinking it was the best decision ever to mild regret/sadness, everyones experience is different but I honestly do no know one person who’s life was ruined by having an abortion. 

Post # 14
923 posts
Busy bee

@pictureaccount:  you will feel so much better knowing either way. have you changed BC’s recently? when I went off the pill I didn’t have a period for 6 months!

Post # 15
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I did when I was 18.  I can’t say that it’s never bothered me or I never think about it, but it was absolutely the right choice at the time.  I was a freshman in college, and I knew I would have had to drop out and move home with my parents if I continued the pregnancy.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend at the time (who I dated for another year and a half, but then had a bad breakup with) and I were in no place mentally, emotionally, or financially to raise a child.  And it may be selfish or immature, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to put a baby up for adoption – if I went through with the pregnancy, I would have kept it.

Although I’ve occassionally had the thought of “What if I can’t get pregnant now that I want to?  What if that was my only chance?” I know that this is illogical, and I’m so happy with where my life has gone.  I would not be where I am, I would not have met my husband, I would not have the career I do, and I would not now be in the position to give my time, love, and attention to the children my husband and I very much want had I had a child as a teenager.

Post # 16
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m open about having had one. It was about a year ago.

The procedure was quick. I was awake for it. From start to finish, I’d say like 2 minutes max. It’s uncomfortable, but not excrutiating. Afterwards, I was wheeled off into another room where the nurses gave you juice and cookies to get your blood sugar up. I remember feeling like I was going to faint and then after about 10 minutes it went away.

Emotionally I didn’t care. I don’t regret it at all. I couldn’t have made a better decision for myself. It never crosses my mind, to be honest. I wasn’t in a position to be a parent at that point in my life.

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