Post # 1
Has anyone moved in with their boyfriend/fiancee and he already owned his own home? How did you split things? What do you wish you had talked about before moving in together? What’s your advice for this type of situation when the guy owns the home you would be living in together?
What if the guy also has a tenant? What if the other tenant covered the mortgage? I’d love to get your thoughts- not necessiarly just fiancial, but also emotional concerns or issues you wish you had of talked about or issues you encountered after you shacked up that didn’t cross your mind before moving in together?
Post # 2
lolabee1986: I moved in with Fiance but he covers all the bills as I’m currently a stay at home. The only thing I can think of that I wish we had talked about before moving in together was how long we would stay at our current place, and whether we would be looking for a “forever” home.
One year, and probably several conversations later we’ve decided to see how we go on the baby front after the wedding. 🙂
Our situation is a little bit more unusual since only one of us works currently but most of my other friends pool a portion of their pay with their Darling Husband or FIs and use that money to pay for bills, groceries, mortgage etc. It’s what we intend on doing if I wind up working (but that’s not likely at this point.)
Post # 3
I’m on the opposite side of things – my SO moved in with me in a house that I own. We made the agreement that I would continue to pay the house payment (mortgage, insurance, and property tax), and he would pay everything else (electric, water/sewer, trash, cable/internet). We split groceries, and tried to make everything as easy as possible. Once we started talking about marriage, we decided to just combine our finances which makes things easier – but I understand that doesn’t work for everyone, just what we prefer to do! It’s helped us both out a lot.
I would say if there was a tenant involved that covered the mortage, I would want my SO to pay for the other expenses like he is already doing – my reason for that being because I put a big down payment down on my house(which most people do put some sort of down payment down), and did several improvements before he came into the picture. I think it would still be fair for a live in gf/bf or fiance to pay something unless you have had the discussion that you want to combine your finances or something.
Post # 4
Also, aside from finances, we discussed chores/household tasks. We decided he will take out the trash and help with laundry, and I will do dishes and keep things organized. In the summer it’s mainly me doing everything inside and he handles the outside and the lawn. We help each other with our chores if the other is out of town or sick or something, though.
Like PP said, I wish we would have discussed how long we want to stay in this home. I’m ready to move on to something bigger, and he wants to stay. Our house is already cluttered from us both having so much stuff, and I can’t stand it! He said he would be fine staying in this house long term, even after we have children, and I will go crazy if we do that. We will compromise when the time comes.
Post # 5
I moved into my husbands house. He still pays all the bills associated with it as he feels that’s his job (he’s traditional) and I pay stuff like groceries. The part that’s emotional is that even though I’ve lived here for 2 years, it still doesn’t really feel like mine. We bought some new furniture and my husband lets me decorate however I want, but I still don’t really have an emotional connection to the house.
No comments on the tenant thing since I’ve never been in that situation.
Post # 6
We talked about everything before moving in together, so there were no surprises or anything I wish we’d discussed ahead of time.
We have both joint and separate accounts (my idea). He actually earns more than me but I like the freedom and independence to do what I want with my money once the essentials etc are covered.
Adjusting to living full-time with each other has been easy- especially since our kids get along great (they’re college aged).
The one emotional hurdle I encountered, which I’m slowly getting past, is feeling like a guest in his home. I was worried I’d feel that way and I did, despite him being incredibly easy going and welcoming, wanting me to do whatever would make it feel like home to me. But even though I’m getting used to living together, it still feels like ‘his’ home and I’m a guest- a very welcome and well treated guest, like I’d be at my sister’s- but a guest nonetheless. I knew this going in though and it’s something I can deal with and hopefully will lessen with time.
Post # 7
I have an ENTIRELY different scenario, he owns a house which he pays for and we live in my apartment which I pay for
plan is either
1) he sells the house after he’s done renovating and we split the apartment 50/50 AND I get the $20K owed for covering expenses in our home over the last 2 years (rent, food, bills etc)
2) We move in to his house and I pay 75% of the utilities AND get my 20K back, until such a time as we get married at which point I go on the mortgage and drop my side of the “downpayment” on it to reduce
Post # 8
My Fiance bought a house while we were dating. Initially I was wary, it wasn’t the house that I wanted to commit to and I wanted to live together in a rental before being engaged. He had been renting for 10+ years and wasn’t keen on signing another lease when he was ready to buy a house. Its the best thing he could have done and really put us in a great position as he bought when the market was low. He pays the mortage and fixing costs (the house needed and still needs work) and I pay the household expenses (utilities, cable, groceries, etc). It works really well for us. I think we will keep finances seperate after marriage until we have children.
I would say if you are looking to split bills try and get as close as possible to what the finances will be to run the household before moving in. That way you know in advance what your commitment to the household is. Also you might want to consider how much he makes vs how much you make and if that matters to either of you. For example I make more than my Fiance but we pay about the same monthly when all is said and done.
Post # 9
My then Fiance moved into my house which I owned. I kept paying the mortgage etc as I did before he moved in. He pai for all of the food and some of the other bills. Since he was not paying as many bills he had larger chunks of money to pay towards the wedding. A Few months after the wedding we sold “my” house and bought a new house but all the money was combined at that time and what I made off my house went into our joint money. We share everything and communicate very frequently about money (what’s coming in and out) and it works for us.
Post # 10
I moved in with my husband (he was just my Boyfriend or Best Friend at the time) into a house he owned. I’ve been here 3 years now and it’s worked out fine. The only problem is I have never liked the house (it’s super tiny and old and just nothing I would’ve ever picked for myself) and both my husband and I are counting down the days until it’ll be ready for us to put on the market. He was young when he bought it and really wasn’t thinking long term. Anyway, we agreed to basically split all the bills 50/50. The only difference was that I pay less towards the mortgage because, as he pointed out, I didn’t pick this house and it’s not helping me build any equity, so I shouldn’t have to pay a full half. So I pay for more like 1/3 of the mortgage.
Post # 11
I moved into my husband’s townhouse when we were about 3 or 4 months into dating. He continued paying his mortgage, property taxes and condo fees, I starting paying for all the utilities and we would both pay for groceries.
We have been together for 10 years and married for almost 5 and we’re still doing the same thing. We’ve moved twice since then, but with both moves, I was included on the mortgage and the title of the house. We also still have our own separate bank accounts. When we actually did the math, we found that we each spend approximately 33% of our wages on our respective bills so it works out great for both of us.
We’ve discussed combining our accounts, but it’s not really a priorty and we haven’t actually made the move to do so since this has clearly worked for us for almost a decade. 🙂
Post # 12
I moved in with my bf who owned his house. It will be 2 years in September. We have a well and septic, as well as free trash. He pays the mortgage, electric and cable. I buy the groceries, which equals to about half of what he’s paying. We split our dog bills, and I pay for my cat. We have our own accounts so we don’t share any money.
We initially talked about chores, but honeslty, it never stuck. Usually I do the laundry and he’ll do the dishes but sometimes ill do both. We clean together. He does all of the outside stuff and i’ll help mow sometimes. We are both a little messy, and that defintely got worse when we are together. I make plans to have people over to the house 2-3 times a month so it forces us to really deep clean.
One thing I wish we talked about was upgrades and such. He lived a bachelor life. I would really like to get new furniture, but he doesn’t want to split the cost because he thinks what we have is fine. The kitchen needs repainting, but he likes the way it looks…etc. My brain is constantly thinking up new home improvement projects and he gets very overwhelmed and annoyed when I start talking about all my ideas.
It took me a long time to refer to it as home to other people, especially my mom. I moved from living at home to living with him. Its a great house, but sometimes it still feels like it isn’t mine, since I had no say in it. I think that’s why I want to change a bunch of stuff, so it feels more like I’ve had some say in how it all looks.
Post # 13
My now-FI bought his house a few weeks before we started dating. I officially moved in (had been basically living together before, but still had my own place) 11 months into our relationship, before we were engaged.
My FI’s house is a duplex, so he has a tenant on one side. His tenant’s rent pays for the mortgage, but doesn’t cover taxes and miscellaneous expenses that come up with owning a house.
Before I officially moved in, we talked it through and came to a solution.
I don’t contribute towards the mortgage, not only because he has a tenant but also because also because I’m not on the mortgage or the deed (I will be going on the deed after we’re married, but still don’t need to contribute towards mortgage and will be helping out with landlord duties). I do, however, contribute towards the taxes, the “emergency fund,” and utilities.
I don’t make as much as he does though, and I also have student loans and car payments I’m paying off unlike him (he’s already paid them all off). So we went through my finances and decided on a fair amount that I can afford to contribute, including utilities. Each month, we both put our contributions into our joint account (which we got when we officially moved in together), the same amount every month for each of us. This contribution and joint account includes money for taxes, random house expenses, utilities, and groceries. Sometimes we end up not spending as much as we contribute, but that’s fine, because that just becomes part of our joint savings for house expenses.
Post # 14
I moved into the house my husband (bf at the time) owned. How we split bills was that he continued to pay the morgage and I took over all other bills- cable/internet, water/sewer, electricity, groceries etc… it all equaled out pretty nicely. We are in the process of selling and buying a house together now that we are married, and will also be joining our bank accounts together (eek that stresses me out) so now all payments will just come out of our joined account!
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY
lolabee1986: My husband and I officially moved in together when we bought our house this January – we were engaged at the time. I’m in grad school and my husband is the sole provider right now. We bought a double and moved into the upper, while we inherited the tenants that were already in the lower. Their rent covers most of the mortgage. I contribute to the groceries when I can, but most of my contributions are around the house – I do most of the cooking, pretty much all of the laundry, and I have my rooms that I keep tidy and chores that I prefer while hubby does specific chores that I don’t like (vacuuming, taking out the garbage) and all of the handywork/outdoors work.
This isn’t our forever home, we plan to rent the whole thing out once we do move into our next home, so I compromised a lot of what I wanted knowing that this will be a great income property for us in the next few years. I think that you need to have a conversation about what you both want. If you’re moving into what looks like a bachelor pad, you may want to discuss getting a few new pieces of furniture and decor to neutralize things. Talk about what bills you’d like to help out with and ways that you’d like to contribute around the house. Emotionally, it’s been a real adjustment to rely so heavily on my husband because I’m very independent and I’ve never had a man provide for me until him. I know he’s glad to do it, but I’m still getting used to it.