(Closed) Have any Bees moved in with a boyfriend/fiancee and he owned the house?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We had the opposite scenario. I owned the house, and Darling Husband moved in after we got engaged. We were committed and planned to merge finances on marrying, and I was able to float the cost of living there myself without his help. As such, I just continued pay the house and utility expenses. He tended to pay for stuff when we went out, so it evened out. We didn’t really talk about rules or expectations because we spent enough time together to know how to live peacefully together. We were just really lucky to be so compatible. 

In your hypothetical situation of an additional renter, I suppose the division of the cost would depend on whether cost is divided strictly per person or if you and your partner are considered a unit in splitting the cost. 

Post # 32
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Are you me?

My FH owns the house, we have tenants in our upstairs suite. As of right now, he still pays the mortgage and associated costs. Our tenants basically cover the mortgage though. I just got out of school and I’m not contributing to the specific house costs until my (very small) student loan is paid off. I do buy most of the groceries and other household things – as well as I own the Netflix account 

Our agreement is basically we will keep this house as a full rental (upstairs and basement suites) and then buy our own home together in a few years. When my loan is paid off (which won’t be long after the wedding), we will split costs as evenly as possible. 

Post # 33
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

My FH owned his house for about 2 years before we met, I moved in after 8 months…its definitely not a house I would have picked and it definitely needs work. He makes about 3-4x my salary and when I first moved in I was not in a position to be paying a lot of money. He takes care of the mortgage and all the bills…I give him about $250 a month and I take care of the groceries, getting the grass cut, and I do most of the cleaning and cooking. I buy whatever home decor myself but any projects we do around the house we split 50/50 but sometimes he pays a little more. Sometimes I feel like a guest in the house (ie: he HATES when I try to get rid of and replace his furniture) but for the most part, I feel like we are an equal team with things. When we get married we will both have our names on the house and will keep things as they are.

Post # 34
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

lolabee1986:  I moved in to the house he owned and we joined finances at the same time (i.e. all money going in was “our” money and all money going out was “our” expenses.  We had joint accounts 6 months after meeting each other (we were engaged by then).  We would have had them joint sooner but we couldn’t get to the bank, so we did some money shuffling.

He had FOUR tenants so it was six adults in a three-bedroom house.  I asked him to get rid of everyone by the wedding and he did (I moved in January 2015, wedding was December 2015, everyone was out by November 15th).  I expressed how important it was to me to start a marriage with just the two of us and he went along with it.

I never paid him rent because by the time I moved in (met September, started going out October, had wedidng date November, got engaged December) in January we were already an Us through and through.  He did joke to me that one of his friends asked him if he was going to charge me rent and I told him he was free to charge me rent if I could charge him for cooking for him lol

By November I was already spending chunks of time at his house though, I was then off Thursdays and Fridays so I’d go over to his house on Thursday afternoon and go back home with mom on Monday morning.  It was a nuisance to live off of a suitcase, since I was practically already living there it just came naturally.

I actually never moved in.  I was supposed to move in on a Thursday and that Monday morning we were both sitting on the bed and I was about to get ready to go back home and we were both like, why don’t I just stay.  So I never moved in, I just never moved out lol

He did lower the share of the utilities for the tenants, though, based on an additional person in the house.  Rent stayed the same because their living space stayed the same.

 

If it makes a difference we both have full-time jobs, and he makes about 20% more than I do.

Post # 35
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

This is different because I rent an apartment vs owning a home but i already had the apartment before he moved in. I make more money than he does. It was a significant difference when he moved in. I still pay the rent and bills (only electric for us) and he buys the groceries. This doesn’t bother me at all because I had no issue doing it on my own before adding him to the lease. It works for us because he is able to seriously treat me/us (we go to many concerts/comedy shows and build experiences together which is more important to us – we are CFBC so that is a factor too.) He is up for a crazy good job if he gets an interview and knows the dynamic will change and we are both prepared for that (his goal is for me to work part time and go back to school because he knows that would make me happy.) 

Post # 36
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My husband bought a condo when we were dating and while it wasn’t ‘mine’ in any way, especially at the time, I went house hunting with him and I think he took my opinion into account even though we hadn’t really been together long enough for me to have a super big say. I was finishing school in another city about 5 hours away as well, so while I saw him on weekends we knew it would be at least a year til I moved in. I’m a (graphic) designer and so I went with him to pick out furniture and help him arrange it and move in and everything, so I was lucky that it did feel like my home when I moved in.

Anyway, he obviously paid for it all, and we ended up combining finances fairly early (lets say when we got engaged, two years before the wedding, but I can’t quite remember) so it was kind of one big pot as opposed to ‘well, I pay for X and you pay for Y.’ We really like the method that was mentioned up thread where you see the % of income you both have and contribute accordingly, though it doesn’t actually work for us, unfortunately (more on that later).

Fast forward 5 years and we have been renting the condo out for the past three years while we live with my grampa and help him out with things. The rent money has actually been used to pay my personal bills (phone, car, student loan, etc) because it was dollar for dollar about the same, so it was super convenient, even though technically it’s ‘his’ money from ‘his’ condo.

We are, though, taking advantage of the insane market in our town at the moment and listing our condo for sale (should go on the market tomorrow!) and the money will be used where we can–together–best use it, including paying off my student loans, even though it was never ‘my’ condo. I certainly hope he buys himself a nice present once we close, but he’s not going to be keeping it all for himself just because it was his place and he paid the mortgage.

Going back to what I said about the %-budget not working for us, we realised that because he has a stable income and mine is super all over the place (I freelance and we are also starting a business together which is pretty variable) it makes more sense for him to pay the ‘set’ bills of day-to-day life, plus give us an allowance each week for fun money. So we live just about 100% off his income but my income is split between savings, travel, a sort of slush fund, and that sort of thing, basically the ‘envelopes’ where it doesn’t matter if there is 50$ one month and 2500$ the next month. Obviously car payments aren’t so flexible! I’m only really saying that because I think ultimately it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you both feel like it makes sense for you and you check in every once in awhile to make sure its still a good situation for you both.

Good luck!

 

Post # 37
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I moved in with Darling Husband after about 5 months of dating, he owned the house already. I was a full time student at the time, so I didn’t have much to contribute, but he wanted me to stay (had been living with my parents). I finished school about 5 months after that, and immediately started working (I’m an RN). He never asked me for money, but I made him tell me what the mortgage payment was, and started writing him a check for 50% each month. I also bought groceries and things like that. 

The whole thing felt easy and natural for us. We’re both pretty laid back people, so there were never any issues. We only recently opened a joint account after being married for a year. We also equally contribute to household chores without having to ask eachother. 

Post # 39
Member
310 posts
Helper bee

lolabee1986:  to make it feel more like home, I have bought all new bedroom linens. It makes me love the bed and getting in it at night. I also brought my cat, so that helped. Luckily when I moved, I brought a lot of nice furniture, but its too big to fit upstairs, so the finished basement really feels like me. And together, we got a dog. Luckily my Boyfriend or Best Friend doesn’t care about small changes, so wall art, shower curtains, garden decorations, are all me. My books are all displayed and when I finally break him down enough to help me paint a room, I pick the color. Usually if I decide to just do it myself, he’ll just jump in and help. He just hates getting started on it.  The big things are the problems, like splitting the cost of new living room furniture, or replacing the kitchen floor. I’ve learned to ask for home projects as my valentines day present. 

Post # 40
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

lolabee1986:  Having arguments about this right now actually.

1. I wish we had a more “solid” agreement of who pays what, sometimes he takes advantage of the fact I cover bills first then he never pays me back. He will pay for dinner, or fill my gas tank in return but in the end it annoys me.

2. Emotionally it was a big change. Lived with my parents my whole life, and I was used to being able to escape to my house and ignore him when I was upset. Now, I have nowhere to escape too although it’s wrong.

3. Issues that hadn’t crossed my mind, his inability to be clean LOL don’t get me wrong he’s not a dirty person but his perception of clean and mine are very different and he gets on my nerves sometimes.

Over all it can be a beautiful thing once you get used to being with them 24/7

Post # 42
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My Fiance owned his house and I rented. He bought his property and built his house along with his father when he was in his mid-20s. So it was pretty much a bachelor pad. I NEVER EVER would have chosen this property or designed the house the way he did. My Fiance and I met about 3 months after the house was finished :/

It was almost a deal-breaker in our relationship, I REALLY hated the house and had a hard time coming to terms with it. I wanted us to sell his house and buy a new home together. He refused to move because it has a ton of meaning to him and it’s only about 7 years old. Our compromise was a master bed/bath addition that almost doubled the size of the house (it was previously only a 20×30, the addition was a 20×20). Next year, we’ll be renovating the kitchen. I was so worried about the house always being “his” house. We did a couple things that helped and now it definitely feels like our house.

1. He acted like he was moving too, he sorted and cleaned out everything he didn’t need/want. He had to make some tough decisions and totally reorganized his belongings as mine were moved in. It kind of gave things a fresh start, like we were both moving into an empty house.

2. If we couldn’t compromise on something (like our dishes) we got new ones.

3. Knowing that we are saving a ton of money by staying in this house and we are not tied to it for life.

4. The addition really made it feel like it was ours. We got to make decisions together and both of our blood, sweat and tears went into building it. I now understand his attachment to the rest of the house. Home renovations together would probably have the same effect.

5. We both were really open to compromise. 

Financially, I contribute 40% to the household bills and he contributes 60%. After we are married in August (yay!) I’ll be added to the mortgage and we’ll open join accounts, while keeping our personal savings and checking. The 40/60 split will continue. 

Chores have never been an issue. We have similar clutter/cleaning styles. 

 

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