(Closed) Have any ladies asked their own parents for their blessing before SO proposes?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I didn’t want my Fiance to ask my parents either, but I had kind of asked for their blessing a bit beforehand. I basically just asked them if they had any concerns about us getting married (they didn’t). It might not hurt (especially given your situation) for you both to sit down with your parents and ask if they have any questions for you all, if there are any fears they have that you all could talk about, etc.

Post # 5
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We talked to them together. 

Post # 6
Member
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Cedar Lake Cellars

I never asked but they gave me their blessing all on their own.  They like him and they’re thankful that I’ve reverted from my teenage opinion of never wanting to get married.  Smile

Post # 7
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Fiance and I are young but have been together for three years.  We always said we wouldn’t get married until after school but would like a long engagement.  After my second year of college we really started talking about getting engaged and decided it would most likely happen before we went back to school in the fall.  When this was decided I decided to give my parents a heads up. We were in the car and my words were “FI and I have been talking and we decided we will be engaged by the end of the summer.  How do you feel about that?”  I made sure to give the idea that this was happening no matter what but that I also wanted their oppinions on it.  They took it very well, asked if we really thought it through and all the typical parent questions but three months later Fiance asked Dad for permision (more of just a formality to show my dad respect) and he said yes so Fiance proposed with my parents fully supporting us.

Post # 8
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I didn’t talk to them, they probably knew it was coming since we had been dating a while before that. I also didn’t want him to ask my parents beause I really feel  like this decision should be up to us, and didn’t want anyone feeling they were giving us permission.

Post # 9
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Our situation was a little different than yours.  We mutually decided to get married (no proposal), and then in person as a couple talked with our respective sets of parents.  It was just a brief “We’ve decided to get married and would really appreciate your blessing of this. ” They happily said yes. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Iam very independant and willful myself. I dont beleive in men surprising me with a ring, I feel pressured and annoyed at the presumptuousness of it. I don’t like feeling cornered or on display so public proposals are out of the question….I’m also iffy on being approached with jewelry or money from men. I’am fiercly against being bought or ‘kept’.

That said, my fiance had to be VERY careful of his approach to me. Gosh I sound like a female mantis huh? lol Actually he was very sweet and understanding of my feelings on the issue and took baby steps every bit of the way. He even explained that the proposal was HIS way of saying he was committed to ME, that I was under NO obligation and that his expectations would not change once we were married.

He let ME pick and design my ring.

That said, I’am still hopelessly traditional in many ways. It was his idea to ask for my hand from my father, he took me for my birthday to see my dad in California. It meant SO much to me that I did not need to prompt him to ask my father. I see asking for my hand as a show of respect to my family, not ownership or treating me like chattel but it depends on the man in question. I believe even when dating that if a man does not show up to your door or want to meet your parents that most of the time he has no interest in respecting YOU and that extends to marriage as well, only a thief or a dishonest person sneaks!

I was extremely flattered that he wanted to ask for my hand. I also respect my father deeply, he has NEVER tried to tell me what to do, he believes in letting me make my own choices BUT he also beleives in letting me solve my own problems and he supports me in that as well. Dont get me wrong, he will help me if I ever need it but he has never ordered me around past my childhood years or babied me.

That said, my fiance planned a day out for all of us and while I went shopping, he went with my dad for coffee and showed him the ring and told him that he loved me deeply and wanted to take care of me and asked him for his blessing.

My father told me later that he had to keep a straight face over how earnest my fiance was about it all but that he was serious when he told my fiance that it was not his blessing so much as his expectation that I be treated with respect and taken care of because of how special I’am to him. However, he also respected the fact that my fiance behaved like a man with honor. My dad is also old fashioned as well and respects chivalry for what it is, a deference, not a condescension.

My fiance gave me pretty much the same story later on and all I know is that by the time they found me, they were both happy and making a fuss over me but not mentioning the reason.

I was so nervous about what my dad would say and I was so releived when they came back. In a way, it was better than a proposal. I was deeply moved. I had nothing to do with that moment, I trusted my father to speak his mind and act in my best interest and for my fiance to respect him and in so doing, respecting me as well.

NOW, if my dad had said ‘no’, I would have gone with that and he would have told me why. I would have told him how I felt and why but if he stuck to his guns then I would have gone home, WITH my fiance, waited another year and tried again. Beyond that I cant say what I would do but I also thought my dad would approve. I would not bring home a man who I felt was not being genuine or good for me. My dad mentioned that as well.

SO, thats my story and I’m sticking to it!

 

Post # 11
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m glad to see this because I’m going through something similar right now. My Boyfriend or Best Friend is proposing soon and I’ve been trying to maintain some level of surprise and romance throughout the process, though we have been pretty open about it and it’s obviously coming soon.

Wanting to do the right thing, he asked my stepmother if my father would want him to ask permission first. My stepmother then asked my father, and he said he wants to talk to both of us because the traditional way is so “old-fashioned.” So now I have this potentially awkward conversation to look forward to and I’m SUPER nervous about it, I don’t know why. 

I guess I’m kind of thrown by the whole thing. I mean, are we asking for his blessing? His approval? Maybe this conversation should have come after the proposal? I have no idea. But I figure the point is to show respect for the parents, so I’ll go with it. 

Post # 12
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I already knew my parents loved my Boyfriend or Best Friend, so there was really not point in getting their blessing since we already knew we had it. 

Post # 13
Member
4929 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Neither of us asked, but my family considered us engaged/him part of the family so it didn’t seem necessary. 

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