(Closed) Have any of you been completely emotionally detached from a dying family member?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

All the time.

Post # 5
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ve felt like this before. Not any disgust, but just not being able to handle it.

I was young at the time (in my teens) but my Aunt was in the hospital dying of cancer and I just couldn’t bring myself to go to the hospital.  I couldn’t bear to see it.

When I was older (about 20) I visited my Grandpa as he was dying of cancer and although I’m glad I saw him to say goodbye, I regret having that as a last memory of him.  Seeing who used to be such a jolly, funny guy just wasting away like that was difficult.  I’m sure he appreciated our visit though.

Post # 6
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have went though this. I honeslty think its a way some people cope. You dont let yourself be as involved in whats going on so you dont get hurt.

Post # 8
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Yes, I went through this with my grandfather.  I did visit him in the hospital when he was dying and although I felt sad to see him suffering, I did not feel any kind of personal loss at all when he died.  Similar situation where he was just an all-around horrible person and having him be family didn’t make me like him any more.  Interestingly enough, I am also a scorpio 🙂

Post # 9
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Yep. Both my Grandmother and Grandfather on my Father’s side.

They were both rich, entitled, drunks and my Grandmother had SERIOUS untreated mental illnesses. 

Grandfather was usually on his best behavior around us, occasionally he’d slip up…like when I was 9…He told me…”You have a beautiful singing voice, too bad you’re so fat.”. 

I watched my Grandmother take her last breath in a nursing home due to emphysema (I was 10). My Grandfather had a myriad of health problems. He finally fell over, broke his hip, refused to call 911 for 6 hours, got an infection and died (I was 18 and didn’t travel to his bedside to say goodbye. Because he disowned me at age 16 for asking him to politely stop talking trash about my Mom infront of my younger sister; he was bitter about my parents divorce.). 

They were both mean spirited people. They have irreversibly destroyed their family and I don’t feel sad about them dieing. They are a shining example of the lyric, “Only the good die young.”

 

 

Post # 11
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yes, my grandmother.  She has been battling scleraderma for 15+ years.  She practically raised me and is my mother.  We used to be extremely close.  Unfortuantely, as I grew up, I became a very angry/depressed person.  I became distant with everyone.  I feel absolutely terrible because I can’t seem to be the person I used to be towards her.  I used to live with her up til this past December.  Every time I visit her, she’s more frail, skinny, and weak.  It’s breaking my heart.  I’m so angry that she has to go through the pain and sickness that she is enduring.  There’s a lot more to it.  I am almost in tears writing this.  She’s my grandmother.  My mother.  My best friend for the longest time.  I love her with all of my heart.  I want her to feel nothing but comfort and relaxation.  I wish there was more I could do for her.

Post # 12
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@nontraditionalmiami: Personally I didn’t have that w/my family but my DH’s paternal family is like that. We didn’t find out that his Gma had passed away until we read the obituary in the paper–she lived in the same town as us and it’s under 30k people, let’s be honest–we should have known, but we are so detached from his family that they didn’t even think to tell us. We didn’t go to the funeral b/c he said it would just be obvious that he was just there b/c it was what was “expected” of him. They weren’t close at all…clearly 😛

Post # 14
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

when my dad died i sat there watching him and what i was feeling was “finally” and “this is your path”.

my dad was sick most of my life, was constantly in and out of hospital – i was more upset that he was conscious and aware that he was dying than i was about him actually dying.  when we got the call at 10pm i was halfway through boxing up all this stuff for donations and i was sitting at my desk hours later working because it was not a big blimp on my radar, i even worked the day of his funeral

Post # 15
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

When my Grandmother passed away it didn’t effect me at all. When I was 6 she moved to Florida. I maybe saw her once every other year growing up. When we did see her, she wasn’t like a normal grandmother. She was cold and pushy. She also thought my Mother made a terrible choice in marrying my Father and I remember hearing her say horrible things about my Dad. I never was close with her and remember feeling like hugging her and stuff was just an obligation. When she passed away I just felt bad for my Mom, but didn’t really have any emotional issues myself. 

Post # 16
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

I deal with emotional things by not dealing with them and accepting them. Both my great grandmothers passed away and I refused to go to their funerals. I was very close to both but I would have to face what I didn’t want to be true. I accept the fact that they have passed away, however I never ever think about it. I block emotions out that I am not ready to deal with. Like PP mentioned, I think it is a common way for people to deal with things that aren’t good at emotionally coping.

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