(Closed) Have any of you ever been "the other woman"?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee

I haven’t been the other woman but a friend of mine was.

She was dating a guy for a year or so. They both worked at a hotel doing shift work/nights. She worked crazy hours and a lot of the time just slept at work. Most of their free time was spent hanging out with co-workers and at the bar. 

She was getting a little suspicious that she had never met his friends/family but she never introduced him to hers as she comes from a strict Indian family. One day while at work she walked up to her Boyfriend or Best Friend who was chatting to some guy and her Boyfriend or Best Friend was like “this is my cousin” and the guy was like “actually I’m his wife’s cousin”. She had no idea he was married.. Or that he had 2 kids.

This was 5 years ago and she hasn’t dated since. She just can’t let her walls down. It’s a shame because she has the most beautiful soul. 

Post # 3
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

I’m aware of 2-3 people who have. If always assumed that the ‘other women’ were manipulative home-wreckers etc until I saw friends get caught up in it. They’re nice people who made a few bad decisions. None of them got caught but one came close.

One ended terribly because she’d get attached to men easily and ended up hoping he’d leave his partner for her. he never said he would but she kept convincing herself that it might happen. That led to a lot of evenings with the girls helping her mend a broken heart. She was a friend who’s belive that someone (however bad the situation) was better than no one  it took years for her to realise her worth. He carried on with other women after and was a serial cheater. His partner must have known because his antics were common knowledge. Not sure why she put up with it  

The others it was flirting that got out of hand. Sort of fun whilst it lasted, nothing serious and ended amicably. One still works with the co-worker(!) And they’ve remained friends.  

The office rumour mill could probably add another 3 to that list but I Aim to keep out of rumours  

I’d never excuse their actions and they are totally responsible for their actions but my take on it now is that people are human and most people don’t set out to be ‘that person’. 

Post # 4
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Waldorf Astoria, Orlando

I don’t think the term “The other woman” is antiquated or sexist. I think it’s a pretty factual statement, but I catch your drift. It’s just weird to say, in general.

 

While I was cheated on, numerous times, by my ex… I have never been in the position of being “the other woman” but I have certainly known a few girls that have been.

My co-worker in college (an 18 year old, just graduated high school) was having an affair with her boss (38 years old) from her other job. She was a very sweet girl and had this delusion that the man was getting divorce, and that they were sneaking around so that his wife didn’t “win full custody of his son and take all of his money.”

 

I have a sneaking suspicion that that phrase has been repeated by cheating men before, because I have read about situations like that on other forums and in books.

I hadn’t had an issue with the girl and I genuinely felt bad for her. I knew she was being taken advantage of and that the picture he was painting for her was a fabrication.

She ended up with a life-long STD from this man (who took her virginity, by the way)… He never intended to get a divorce at all. In fact, the wife found out about her and came to her basically saying “He’s a liar. I’m not mad at you because you’re pretty much a child and he used you. Get tested for herpes.”

It really messed with her self esteem and trust. It was a devasting thing to witness.

 

I have also known girls in college who were sleeping with their friends or acquaintances boyfriends. While that is a totally different ballgame in terms of emotions.. I felt absolutely no sympathy for them when things blew up in their faces. They got all the drama they deserved for what they did. It was usually a purely sexual or self esteem thing, not romance… from what I understand, at least. I’ve even seen it done as a revenge thing.

To me, that is evil.

 

 

I think that being “the other woman” has a lot to do with both the self esteem of the people involved, in general.

Either that, or the man has lied to them completely and they have no idea. In those cases, I am sure it feels like they, too, were being cheated on.

Even if they came “second”.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  marynicole.
Post # 5
Member
697 posts
Busy bee

I totally agree and am in the same boat as you. I have never ever been the other woman, but my best and dearest friend (I love her to death but do not agree with her relationship decisions at all) is and always has been the other woman. Time and time again she gets shacked up (or tries to get shacked up) with a man already in a relationship (the current one she is talking to is almost old enough to be her father, still married but “separated”)… most of the time the guys have kids too.

But for instance the most recent one that she was actually in a 3 year long relationship with, did not go well at all. He cheated on her constantly, refused to work other than selling drugs, was in and out of jail, and in the last 6 months of their relationship (it probably started sooner we just didn’t know because she is out of state) he became physical with her and put her in the hospital 4 times. And through their relationship, he made her lose 2 jobs do to making her miss work by practically kid napping her and making her go places with him, and her house due to him stealing all of the bill money.

And like you said, she’s honestly not a horrible person, she is one of the few people whom I confide in about everything. So much so I want her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor in my wedding! She just makes really poor relationship choices but other than that she’s such a sweet heart and would do anything for her friends and family.

Post # 6
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
marynicole:  OMG that is so sad! 

Post # 7
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Simsbury 1820 House

Haven’t been or known the other woman, but I have known the other guy. One of FI’s ex-friends is a serial homewrecker. Right now he’s actually with a girl who’s married and the girl has him convinced she’s filing for divorce and they are going to move out west together. I doubt it will actually happens, but who knows. He’s been a serial sleep with married/taken women. Then he wonders why he can’t find a “quality” woman.

Post # 8
Member
1143 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I was the other woman.

My Darling Husband was in a LDR when I met him at work. He was terribly unhappy and in the last couple of visits to her had realised things were not right. Still he had made the decision to move to her country quite a while back and was in the process of selling his house, but kept stalling. 

We hit it off as friends and I developed a crush on him. May I add that his behaviour throughout was impeccable. I went on a trip by myself to decide if I was going to let it go, or tell him about my feelings. I decided on the latter, and when I came back I propositioned him. I told him I knew we could be happy together. 

He took some time to think about it, he then broke up with his ex, he then took some more time to mourn the end of that relationship, and then we started going out.

We got engaged a year after, and married on March 5th.

No regrets. Not even sure if I was the “other woman” now that I think about it, but I did proposition him while knowing that he was in a relationship. Do I feel bad? No. He was terribly unhappy. His family adores me because happiness has made him a completely different person (that is what his mum and longtime friends tell me).

So things worked out for us. I admit I would prefer it if we had met in different circumstances, but also feel that we dealt with our situation as well as we possibly could.

 

Post # 9
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

When I was young I was dating a guy and he would take me out everywhere & he let me know that he had a child with his “ex” but that things didn’t work out. Well, once we finally took it there (had sex) i did some snooping around (Facebook, Twitter) & I found his “ex’s” page ..  She proudly boasted about her wonderful boyfriend & i was so upset! He was two years younger than me but seemed so much mature (being a father & business owner) he tried to tell me that they still weren’t together even after that! He would text me “I love you” “I miss you :(” “can I take you out?” “could I just see you” & I would ignore him. Blocked him eventually & we haven’t spoke since. The guy was scum. And to make it worse we were dating for a while. Not serious dating because at first it was purely flirtatious & going out but once we had sex the game changed. with my husband I had reservations because of him having children by someone else but this situation was different .. She was still bitter and after him but he wanted nothing to do with her because basically he was the other man. Had two kids while she was married to het other’s child’s father who lived in another state … Sometimes the other person is innocent and sometimes they’re vindictive but really it just sucks that more people can’t be honest. I know I am and I’m glad I found someone who is now 

Post # 10
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Rossino Castle

I have been for a couple of weeks,but I had no idea.We were not together,just f***k buddies,and worked together.One or two weekends a month he would be gone,saying he was going home (his family lived in another city),and I had no idea it was a lie.After about two months of seeing each other he casually told me “I dumped my girlfriend this weekend”.I was shocked because I would have never done anything with him had I known,and because he thought nothing of it.He was surprised that I got mad.

I never went out with him again and kept our relationship strictly a work one until I left that job.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Comealongpond.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Comealongpond.
Post # 11
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Waldorf Astoria, Orlando

View original reply
mrsluong11:  I know! This poor girl came crying to me one afternoon and asked me advice about “bumps”…. I was taking pre-med at the time, so she felt like I was the only person she could ask ( I was her boss at our job, too. I can be kind of motherly).

Well, after I examined her in the bathroom I told her my opinion and stated she needed to get tested immediately. She sobbed harder and said she knew it was herpes and told me the entire story about the wife and what she told her. Horrible.

I was so mad at that irresponsible idiot I had to do everything in my power not to walk across the street, rip this jerk out from behind the counter of his job and beat him to death in the parking lot. I am NOT a violent person, but he RUINED this young woman’s life and destroyed her self esteem.

 

SO, so sad!

Post # 12
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I was once “the other woman”. No, I didn’t know. In fact, initially she was the other woman. Then we switched places. They got engaged whilst he and I were still together. Basically it was a mess. They are married now with at least one child. Do I regret it? Somewhat. The regret I have is mostly at wasting 6 years of my youth with him. I look back now and see that we were a strange match, and probably should never have been anything more than friends. I do also regret not walking away earlier, I wish I’d left them to each other a lot sooner. 

Post # 13
Member
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

He wasn’t married but I was the woman he cheated with. My ex cheated on me and after our relationship ‘ended’ we stayed friends. He told me that he’d briefly dated the girl he cheated on me with but had broken up and we started sleeping together again. They hadn’t broken up. I wonder if he told her the same thing when he cheated on me. In hindsight I probably should have seen the signs and read between the BS but I didn’t. I felt awful being the ‘other woman’ so to speak even though I didn’t know and she’d been the other woman to me (sorry this really sounds like a soap opera). Even now over 6 years later it’s still feel pissed for being lied to and put in that position of the other woman.

I don’t know if she found that he cheated on her but I distanced myself from my ex and decided to not pay any attention to dating and sex until the end of my degree. That didn’t work when I asked my now husband to lunch a few weeks later. It ended for them as she cheated on him a few months after.

Post # 14
Member
200 posts
Helper bee

I kinda have, when I was younger (around college age). A co-worker married for insurance reasons and he hated it. His wife was insane. They were the kind of people who called and cursed each other out on a daily basis, and it just never seemed like a real marriage because they hated each other from the start, but she had a son w/ another guy, who needed benefits. We were all young – me about 20 and they about 22-23. He and I and about 15 other co-workers were part of a group that hung out a lot and were super close.

There was a lot of work flirting – teasing and giggling, etc. I was single and had a reputation as a good girl. I think the allure for him was he felt that I WAS “innocent”, so he was somehow “corrupting” me, even though I was actively trying to shake that reputation.

Long story short, after months of build-up, we got drunk and had sex at a party. I decided that was enough of wildness for me, and we basically never talked about it again. We just kept working together as friends.

I don’t think “the other woman” is always bad. The dynamics of a relationship can be weird. In their case, they hated each other but divorce would’ve affected their benefits. In most cases, that person is having doubts, and it easy to be like “Well wouldn’t he be happier with me? What is life, if not to be happy?” In the end, I don’t feel guilt about it. Both parties chose to participate, and I dont think the woman should always be vilified.

Post # 15
Member
1323 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, once a long time ago and I knew it. 

I could come up with 1000 excuses but I know it was a shitty thing to do. The couple are still together though – she knows he’s a slimeball but wants to marry him anyway. 

I wouldn’t do it now; I was very mentally ill then, and I’ve improved and matured a lot since… I couldn’t really tell you why I made the decision to do it before. 

The topic ‘Have any of you ever been "the other woman"?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors