(Closed) Have any of you ever been "the other woman"?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 91
57 posts
Worker bee

I was the other woman. It never caught up to me till 4 years after the guy and I stopped seeing each other. The wife must of been snooping in his photos he was supposed to have destroyed and found me, she knew who I was. I ran into her in a store where I was confronted. To this day it’s something I deeply regret and have to live with for the rest of my life.  Worst thing I’ve ever done.

Post # 92
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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FauxPas2012:  I think op was meaning other woman as in a man is married of in a very serious relationship with another woman and atleast one woman is being lied to. Casual dating to try and perhaps find the right person is a totally different thing, but I believe if you are sexually active with someone full disclosure is a must for all parties. 

Post # 93
1011 posts
Bumble bee

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FauxPas2012:  haha. My mom, who is extremely old fashioned, has more or less said the same thing. When me or my sister would mention a guy we liked (as in we were younger so we just “liked” guys) she’d say “he’s not wearing a ring”. As in, until he’s married he’s fair game. I don’t think she meant to sleep with him though (again, being old fashioned, that was “for marriage only”). Which I always thought was weird, but again I’m her mind, you don’t have sex before marriage, you don’t live together before marriage, so it’s not I guess quite the same thing. I always thought her view was weird, but in a weird way kind of made sense. Then again, she was also used to people meeting and marrying almost immediately. My grabd parents (her parents) met, had a date, got engaged, and got married all within a few months. Were together 50 years. She and my dad met, had a couple dates, got engaged and married Within a year. They just had their 36th. So I guess with that mindset it makes sense. 


Other than the time I mentioned earlier, there was actually a time I was technically the other woman, but only on a technicality. I had an ex who was divorced. O knew his ex, e got along, she was dating this guy, everyone knew everyone so no secret. BUT…. 

she gets a call one day from the court where they filed their divorce. Due to an error of the court, their papers got lost, and they had to redo them. So even though no one actually cheated, they were still married for a few months while we dated. 

Post # 94
2330 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I have unfortunately been the other woman. Before I met my husband, I started seeing a coworker. He works at a different station but we both knew a few people from work and that’s kind of how we started talking. He was divorced “or so I thought” with 2 little kids. We hit it off right away and I started to grow feelings for him. We lived pretty far from each other and I lived closer to work than he did so we always hung out at my place.

One day I noticed he was getting a lot of calls from his supposedly ex wife but he wasn’t answering them. He told me they were trying to set up his visitations for that weekend. But he seemed uncomfortable and something seemed off (I got that intuition working overtime that day!). Right then in there I knew something was up. An that was the last time I saw him. I did some research online after he left and I came across his wife’s Facebook. My heart sunk. Of course the divorce was bullshit…..his scheduled was all over the place so I’m sure he would tell her he was working graveyard when he would stay with me… And he had no problem going out and make everything public because I lived far enough for her to not ever find out.

Our mutual coworkers didn’t know he was still married! He to.d them the same bullshit story as me. 

So I called him one last time and I swear his ear must have been bleeding by the end of that conversation….. I felt so betrayed! How low can someone get! With 2 precious little girls!!!!

Disgusting. Men that pull that crap disgust me!

Post # 97
9416 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

i know girls who have actively chased men in committed relationships, but none who have dated them.. always sex, mostly just once or twice.  Actually, the one I know best she slept with the boyfriend of her best friend/roommate–like they woke up each morning looking at each others faces.  And it was incredibly public when she slept with the other girls boyfriend–there was no hiding it, everyone knew because they were all at the party (and had repeatedly told the two of them to quit flirting with each other before they went off and had very loud sex).

the only girl I know of who was lied to was the girl who my ex cheated on me with.  It took a while for me to figure out that he had been telling everyone we had broken up for an entire summer before it happened, and I felt really bad for all the terrible things I said to her immediately after finding out. Her and I became amicable after some time, however–she was a very sweet girl and deserved much better than him.  

(Actually, after he cheated on me with her I dumped him … then he dated another girl he had been emotionally cheating on me with for some time … then after she and him broke up he tried to date the girl he physically cheated on me with, but of course by then she was over him.)

I once almost was the other woman.. again, not really dating, but I almost had sex with my ex (same one I just talked about above) when he was dating another girl (after the two I just talked about above).  A couple months had passed, we were trying to be “friends”.. he came over to my house and talked about how he was really unsure he wanted to be iwth her, he thought he wanted to break up, yada yada… then he started to make out with me (and I reciprocated) and tried to initiate sex.  I almost did.. I was in a really bad place and I wanted to break things.. especially other people’s happiness.. especially his.  But I couldn’t do it… I just couldn’t be that much of a hypocrit.  I told him to get lost, and that if he wanted to sleep with people other htan her he should tell her first (what I had always asked him to do for me..).  He and her have been together roughly 11 years.  They have traveled the world together, they are married, and expecting their first baby in 6 weeks.

Post # 98
316 posts
Helper bee

I was and I didn’t know it.

I had reconnected with one of my best friends i met while in college.  He had been deployed and we hadn’t talked years.  I knew he had been dating a girl for a few years and it was a rocky relationship.  According to him and mutal friends, she had cheated on him while he was deployed  and they were trying to work it out.  A while after we had reconnected he told me he couldn’t get past her cheating and broke up with her.  I had no reason not to believe him, so when he asked me out about 6 months later, I agreed to a date.  Two to three months after we started dating, she found out and went CRAZY on me.  It was terrible.  I had no idea they hadn’t actually broken up.  I believed him and I felt like an idiot.  I cut him out of my life and apologized to her, which was understandably not accepted. 

I never would have dated him had I known they were still together.  No guy is good enough for me to be willing to hurt another person just to be with him. 

They did end up getting married.  I know they struggled again with cheating, but it sounds like they are much happier now and I certainly hope they are. 

Post # 99
555 posts
Busy bee

I was. My ex-boyfriend had a girlfriend when we met, and I didn’t know that. Months later, when he and I were already in a serious relationship and even lived together, I found out that he was in a relationship when we met, and that he cheated on that girl with me, but that he broke up with his ex days later (I know that for a fact because it was confimed by a friend, plus I facebook stalked her and saw that she changed her couple profile pic just days after we met each other). So yea, I think many times you can be the other woman without even knowing about it. Fortunately, he didn’t do the same to me (replace me by another girl), but I broke up with him anyways for other reasons.

Post # 100
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I’ve been the other woman. I adored him at the time although looking back I have no idea why. Sadly his wife believed that i was a crazy chick who stalked him and they are still together. He actually pursued me and despite what he told her it was sexual. 

She was very smug that he “chose” her but she is married to a man who betrayed her at one of the most beautiful moments in life (she was heavily pregnant when it began and ended when their son was 6 months) and he continues to lie about it. 

We don’t work together anymore but my cousins wife works with him and he has cheated since. 

It still affects me to this day. I’m quite a sensible person who doesn’t stand for any BS but I believed him and honestly thought he was a decent guy. It scares me how he went from me to her so easily and without guilt. 

My Fiance and I were friends first and shared a social circle so I was pretty sure he was single. Don’t think I could have dated him otherwise. 

Post # 101
860 posts
Busy bee

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FauxPas2012:  Yeah i dont really consider myself the other women either but technically I was as he was still married, a thing my mom and sister liked to remind me off all time… lol. 

But yeah I was in the same boat as you, they were already unhappy and in the process of getting divorced before I came along so I dont feel guilty or anything about it. 

Post # 102
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I did some morally questionable stuff in high school – meaningless relationships and all that immature junk. I know I kissed a guy or two to find out later he wasn’t single. I would never begin an affair with someone that was taken as an adult  – that’s just a reflection of terrible morals to me. I left that hormonal insanity back in my childhood.

The only true instance of being “the other woman” that I know of: My sons father and I had a truly rocky relationship (on & off from ages 15-20) – at some point we split up and he casually started dating a girl I knew of. We somehow met up (I think at a concert) and ended up sleeping together, then he disappeared again. I messaged the girl over MySpace to let her know it happened and to apologize. He and I had been together more than a year on and off by then but I never wanted to do that to someone else, regardless of how early on it was in their relationship. I’m glad I told her, I don’t remember what happened but I know they were only together very shortly. We were young. Maybe I helped her out. I on the other hand am stuck with that trash can of a person for life, though thankfully never again as my partner. He hasn’t changed much since we were kids and he’s never been mature enough to face up to parenthood either so, there you go.

Post # 103
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Not that I’m aware of, but… I had some situations when I was dating that looking back on it I would be willing to bet the guy was married or in a relationship. I did a lot of online dating, so I was in situations where I didn’t really know the guy at all. There was a small handful of times where something seems fishy in retrospect. It never went past one date because I was clearly looking for a relationship and not just a good time. 

Post # 104
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

In practice, no.

But my best friend is a guy (he will be my man of honor at my wedding) and one of his girlfriends ended their relationship because she couldn’t stand how close we were.  We never said or did anything inappropriate, but his now ex was overtly jealous.  She kept saying how there were two women in the relationship and all.  

Fiance, btw, has no problem with him.

Post # 105
1183 posts
Bumble bee

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Mandy0721:  I’m not for one second saying it’s ok. 

There are clearly people who do chase after people and find the idea of taken people more fun etc and I have no words for that. Ditto serial cheaters. 

But issues of the heart are complex and people do stupid things when their judgement is clouded. You only need to read some Bees who’ve said they never thought they’d be that person, and looking back they can’t believe their judgement was so poor. 

It’s for that reason that I try to reserve judgment. 

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