(Closed) Have any of you ever been "the other woman"?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 106
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

I was one. 9 years ago and didn’t care AT THAT TIME. When I started this rebound my ex boyfriend cheated on me and got married while we were still technically together. Also I found out that all my then friends knew and my ex was also cheating on me with hookers. So I had to make friends which is where Rebound Guy enters. 

Rebound guy was “there” for me and I slept with him once while he had a girlfriend. I felt terrible so I told him to choose and he chose me. In my young mind it meant he cared about me, why wouldn’t he, he was THERE FOR ME. Young me was dumb. 

When Rebound Guy wanted to be done with me, he alienated me away from our friends. The last time we slept together he rolled over and told me he wanted to sleep with another mutual friend of ours! Which is what I get for being the other woman knowingly.

That time in my life was extremely dramatic. I learned a billion lessons that year, 1) NEVER be the other woman 2) NEVER sleep with a friend 3) NEVER EVER sleep with a coworker because he was a coworker also. 

It was a mess but weirdly enough, I became friends with his ex and best friends with a friend of his ex. 

Post # 107
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

You know, life is really funny.

I was probably cheated on, in fact very likely. She would have been the other woman. It nearly broke me. I’m pretty sure it has damaged me forever in terms of trusting and my views on love.

And yet, I’m really battling with myself over NOT becoming the other woman (he’s not married and no kids). Nothing has happened yet, I should say. And yet here I find myself seriously tempted. I do hope my battle of morals wins out and I don’t do that.

All I will say is that it can happen to anyone, you can never say never. But at the end of the day we all have choices and we CHOOSE to act in a way that disrespects and hurts another, whatever the reasons may be for making that decision. I don’t think infidelity is as straightforward as it may seem. I even think it is justifiable in some situations, but not in most cases.

 

At the end of the day if you can look at yourself in the mirror and be OK with what you’re doing that’s what should guide you, but you are responsible for your actions and the consequences of them.

Post # 108
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception/The Gallery

I was. And I knew it. It is the quintessential “other woman” story. 

We met, we had an instant connection and started a friendship. I was 21 and in a dead-end realtionship with my high school boyfriend (living with him) and looking for a reason to leave and break his heart. I found someone 13 years my senior, successful, handsome, and made me feel incredibly special. I upturned my whole life, left my boyfriend (before anything past a single kiss happened), and fell fast and hard. 

I knew he was married but he told me they were separating, that it had been over for years, that the only reason they had stayed together that long was because they’d had their fourth (!!) child as an oops in an act of desparation for their marriage. We began the sneaking around, the late night calls, the meeting at his office (he owned his own business); we took trips to be together.

He was a business partner of my mother’s boyfriend at the time and she found out. This affected my relationship with her for years. This contributed significantly to the end of her relationship. Months went by, he moved out. Then back in. His wife found out about me, confronted me, but we didn’t let anything or anyone deter us. He moved out and in a number of times. I met his children. We traveled. We planned a life together. 

Over the course of four (yes, FOUR) years, we broke up and got back together countless times. I developed severe anxiety and depression. So did he. We were absolutely, positively in love. But he, at the end of the day, couldn’t–or wouldn’t–leave his family. I finally stopped seeing him when I met my fiance. I knew he was special and I didn’t want to mess it up. And I haven’t. 

My Fiance knows about this (well, the highlights, anyway). He’s had to deal with this man’s wife harassing me in public on more than one occassion. It was a hard thing for us to get past. It’s been even harder for me to get past. I have terrible, horrible guilt about it. But I also know that we really did love each other. What we did was horrendous and unforgivable. I wouldn’t do it again. But we were stupid and in love. And I, at least, was young and naieve. I thought we could actually make it work. 

But we couldn’t. Because relationships built on lies and secrets and pain never work. I will always love him, a little. But it was never right–and it never existed in the real world. What I have now is real and wonderful in so many other ways. 

I don’t think I am a horrible person because of this. But I hurt a lot of people–many of whom I love– and I truly messed up a lot of relationships. It’s a no-win situation, and something I will always be embarrased about.

(And… I can’t believe I just wrote all of this…)

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  DrunkInLove.
Post # 109
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My BFF was.  He left his wife and married her.  It lasted about 4 or 5 years.  He’s a loser.  No idea what she ever saw in him. 

Post # 110
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee

I was.  I knew he was married with kids but I didn’t care because I wasn’t looking for a relationship.  I ended up getting pregnant but lost the baby.  He has actually met my current SO and SO knows the whole story.    

Post # 112
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Post # 113
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception/The Gallery

View original reply
gogglefruits:  It’s absolutely tragic, really. It was so sad for everyone. Me. Him. His wife. His kids. My friends and family. Especially because our relationship wasn’t just physical or fleeting. We really did love each other. I think we both have a bit of regret it didn’t work out–our relationship, the two of us, (which, of course, was never real-world tested) was pretty amazing, to be honest. 

C’est la vie. 

Post # 114
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

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gogglefruits:  

 

I don’t plan to pursue him for a serious relationship. I’d never be able to trust him.

It’s a bit complicated. We have slept together before when we were both single and it was….completely incredible…I didn’t know it could get that good. He doesn’t really do monogamy. His perfect situation would be a wife and a mistress. He’s always been like that. His previous gf’s were in that sort of arrangement. Not an open relationship so to speak,  but they allowed him to take a mistress. He is complicated. He is a truly wonderful man in many ways, except he doesn’t do being faithful to one woman. He doesn’t want to get married either.

Problem is his current Girlfriend doesn’t know that. He wants a family now, so he’s settled with her, but she wants total faithfulness.. I’ve told him time and time again he needs to be honest with her, but he won’t because he doesn’t want to start over again.

We are good friends and he knows I’d never be with him because I believe in monogamy from my partner and I want to get married. But we’ve never been able to forget about that one night. He would regularly message me about it when I was attached, but I just cut him off in a friendly way. He’s pretty persued me relentlessly since I’ve been single.

 

It’s the most bizarrely ironic situation I’ve ever been in.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  footprints.
Post # 115
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

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footprints:  

I don’t believe that being unfaithful can “happen to anyone.”

It’s not like you can trip and fall into another person’s bed. 

Just as you mentioned, life is about choices and cheating is a conscious decision. 

 

Post # 116
Member
6039 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

Yes I was the other woman. And I did know it. But not until it was already done. At that point I justified it by telling myself that I was single and didn’t owe any strangers anything (I was 18 and a total bitch. smh). it was very short lived but I am so embarrassed that I was “that person”. not my finest time that’s for sure. It was during my selfish, wild, party days. We worked for the same company. I was a dispatcher, he was a security guard working for the same security company. We both worked midnights and he sounded really cute over the phone. So I pulled his file and saw his photo and from then on I would flirt with him in really subtle ways everytime I had to deal with him on the phone. One day I had a get together at my house and invited some coworkers including him. We ended up hooking up and exchanging numbers to keep things going. It happened a handful of times and it wasn’t until we had been seeing each other casually for about 2 months that I found out he was married. In some fucked up way, it was like a thrill to me to have someone’s husband. Like I was this evil villain out of a movie and some how that was exciting. I almost had him over one more time but thought better of it and ended things. So in my defense, once I knew I did stop things. But still… 

Post # 117
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I know two people who have been the “other women.”

Woman one, an acquaintance, and I personally feel like she has major issues. She’s a repeat offender, and does not see an issue with the fact that she serial dates men who are either married or in committed relationships. I think she likes the “out” and in her eyes can never truly hurt her. Which isn’t true. She’s gotten hurt. 

Woman two is someone I’ve known for a long time. While, as far as I’ve known she’s only been the other woman is one “relationship,” she has a tendency to go for men who are emotionally unavailable to her, for whatever the reason. She a smart girl, and pretty, but she always picks guys who don’t really have an interest in being with her long term. 

Which brings us to the “incident.” Both these women were at a wedding. Woman one brought the man she had been seeing, who was married. Woman two, her time as the “other woman” was with the guy that was brought. Let’s just say there was major drama at the wedding. 

Post # 118
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
mrswhitecat:  It can happen to anyone in terms of you can find yourself wanting to cheat/be the other woman even though you never thought you would. And you can go through with it. You can never say never, is my point.

 

But if you do. Own it. It is what it is.

Post # 119
Member
309 posts
Helper bee

I was, for a week. But I didnt know. 

 

Met him out dancing, he told me he was 6 years younger than he actually was

 

Spent every day together for a week, he was SO sweet, made me laugh, very affectionate, had a great job. Even took me to meet his family!!!

 

He followed me home one night, and was right behind me, but didnt get to my place until 20 minutes after I did.

 

When he arrived, he appeared very shaken up, distraught. I asked him what was wrong.

 

He told me his ex girlfriend called him, and told him she was two months pregnant, and its his.

 

He almsot cried, told me he understood if I never wanted to see him again. Being young and stupid ( I was 20) I said that it didnt bother me, and we’d figure it out

 

Found out two days later via FACEBOOK that this was actually his CURRENT girlfriend, they had broken up, and gotten back together when they found out she was pregnant, TWO MONTHS prior, and she was actually 4 months pregnant!

 

and that she was MOVING IN with him later that week! They had pictures all over facebook of them with the sonogram, little onesie saying “its a girl!!!”

 

I was sick. Cussed him out and blocked him.

 

He reached out later on, and and apologized. Said he was lost, and unhappy. We’ve chatted since. Hes no longer with her, and his little girl is 4 now

 

He’s mentioned several times that hed like to date, but I told him I dont trust him as far as I could throw him. He recently dated a girl for a year, and still talked to me during. Sad

Post # 120
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee

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footprints:  I mean yeah, temptation happens to most people, but I definitely agree with mrswhitecat in that acting on it is not something that could “happen to anyone”. I’ve been in a position to become the other woman and didn’t, and it was a pretty easy decision to come to even though the guy was mega fine. Idk, like I often want to punch people in the face, but I’m pretty certain I’ll never act on it no matter how great the temptation

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