(Closed) Have any of you ever been "the other woman"?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 121
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yup. I was 23 and he was 10 years older. Married with 2 kids. I was in a long term relationship and bored. I liked the idea of no strings attached. But his wife found out (his mother in law caught us at a bar…awful), and when she confronted him they separated and divorced. I was with him for six years and pretty over it by year 3. Eventually I found his Ashley Madison account and had a good enough reason to leave. Never felt bad about it until I had a husband and child of my own 10 years later.

Post # 122
Member
447 posts
Helper bee

I was the other woman. I didn’t know it at the time. But..

he was a friend of the family, and our parents had always wanted us to end up together. I was young and stupid and infatuated and figured it would happen eventually. We kept seeing each other casually, slept together once.. Life took us in such weird directions but we’d always come back together without actually being together. It went on on and off for three years.

then i found out he’d had a girlfriend for that entire time. dropped him like the piece of shit he was and never spoke to him again. Not even sorry.

my last three relationships ended when my other half cheated.. In every case with women who knew about me, and about our relationship. My heart has been so broken by those betrayals and I couldn’t imagine doing that to someone else. It made me feel dirty and gross and like I had betrayed a woman I had never met.

Post # 123
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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aworldelsewhere:  OMG I”M DYING! Sorry to hear about your story but your choice of words have me rolling 

Post # 124
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

I haven’t been the other woman but I have had that done to me. I knew this guy for years before we started seeing each other (I was reluctant and he pushed saying how mmuch he really liked me). We got along great, I met his family and spent a lot of time with them and him. We lives 3 hours apart.

A few months in he started acting funny and broke it off. Turns out my best friend at the time (who lived very close to him) had been sleeping with him the entire time! Both of them are drama queens so good riddance! I cut them both off!

When I met my current SO (together 4 years now) he was in the process of a divorce and I made sure that was done and over before anything happened.

Post # 125
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I was but I had no idea! 

 We had tried dating a couple times but it never really worked out so we kinda just had this thing where we wouldn’t talk for a while and then sleep with eachother for a while. This had been going on for about a year, maybe a little more. 

One night we had gone out and after dinner were going to have sex in his car, i climbed into the back and found a pregnancy test box. I held it up and his face said everything. I got out of the car and started walking home with him driving next to me begging me to get in. 

a little later on I found out he had been with his girlfriend for about 4 years and had a child. She was pregnant with their second child (hence the pregnancy tests) when I found out. 

Needless to say I haven’t spoken to him since. 

Post # 126
Member
2770 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe?

I met him on a Wednesday evening at our mutual attorney’s office.  He walked me down to my car which was in an underground parking lot.  We talked a lot and he asked for my cell#.  He called me the next morning and asked my to dinner on Saturday.  I said yes.

I found out a couple of months later that he was engaged to a women he was living with but broke p with her that night when he went home. He said whether I areed to go out wth him or not he realized he could never marry her.

 

Post # 127
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

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footprints:  

I think we can all relate to feeling tempted.

However, not everyone will allow the temptation to lead them to cheat. 

Post # 128
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee

This started off as a response, but it turned more into a looong journal entry/reflection for myself. You have been warned 

 

I think that I may have accidentally been the other woman when I was 21. He lived 2 hours away from where I was attending university at the time, and he seemed like the perfect guy – he aspired to be a pastor, he had manners and a quirky sense of humour – and I was totally blind to what I should have considered to be red flags.

0. He demanded nude photos – and sent nude photos too – this from an aspiring pastor! And got mad when I did send him photos that were revealing and playful but not nude – and he wanted more than that (he wanted stuff on the phone too…..). This should have been a neon warning sign with alarm bells! 

1. He never allowed me to initiate contact after office hours. He got mad when I phoned him to check how he was doing after a can of benzene (or something) exploded in his hand that day.

2. During office hours, we could only ever chat on Facebook – he supposedly did not have any other chat programmes available on his phone – so it was either SMS, NNS, phonecall or Facebook chat. 

3. When he did make contact – it would be at the most random hours – like 3 AM on a Sunday morning! He actually sent a missed call which woke me up, and then called again to chat at that ungodly hour. (Like who does that if they actually had any respect?)

4. His stories did not add up – he supposedly got retrenched, yet he drove a nice car. He supposedly told his friends about me, but I should never contact him myself especially when his friends are around. He’s supposed to be godly, yet he was into porn, sexting and other stuff. 

5. He made these grand promises – that he would take me to meet his parents, that we should do the Fireproof relationship course together etc – of course nothing came of it because

6. He disappeared into thin air a couple of months after we started contacting each other. He moved to the city where his now-wife lives soon after he ghosted me, and they got married about eight months or so later. 

 

I am not doubting that it is very possible to meet someone, fall in love, get engaged and married within 9 months. But it doesn’t feel like it in this case – don’t think it was a coincidence that his wife and I studied the exact same thing, and that we both come from similar backgrounds and from the same city (although she and I are from different cultures). 

Oh, and the thing that should have been like a neon sign (without the warning bells) to me? He got mad when I told him that I told my pastor about him and the photo shenanigans (I wanted to come clean for my own sanity’s sake). He said that what was between the two of us had nothing to do with the pastor or with God – and this came from an aspiring pastor. And around the same time, he actually made a music video/love song tribute to another special woman in his life – someone in a different country (and not his now-wife or myself)

 

Looking back now, I think I should have known better than to get involved with someone who seemed “so nice”. I also think that I was just the temp replacement for the time he was away from his now-wife who was on the other side of the country – until I nearly busted him to my pastor – and that made him turn so mean. I doubt that I was the only person he had a fling with at that time- would anyone write a love song tribute to a platonic friend? Highly doubt it. 

Anyways, years have passed since then, he and I lived in the same city after I moved home – and thankfully, I never bumped into him. Last I checked, he did go to seminary, and I do pray that he will make a good pastor – not a pastor that will blow up at people, not a pastor who does not actually want to live by the word he teaches, and definitely not a poly-relationship pastor! There were times when I was angry that he took me for a fool, but as I grew up, I realised that all the stuff he had done will probably eventually catch up to him (unless if he really repented and turned into an angel now) 

 

Sorry that this was so long – this post reminded me of something, and I took this as a reflection exercise (don’t particularly want to write this in my journal, in case someone picks it up). If you read it, thank you, if you didn’t, it’s alright too 🙂

Post # 129
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

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timonandpumba:  Wow, thanks for sharing. What a crazy story!

Post # 132
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve never been the other woman. I only want to be in a real relationship where we are integrated into one another’s lives and can be together openly, and I wouldn’t have enough respect for a man who would do that to his wife/fiancée/girlfriend to enter into any kind of relationship with him.

I had a former coworker who was the other woman with our boss. He was a dick, but she always seemed like a sweetheart to me, and she and I were friends before it came out that she was sleeping with our boss. And even though he was a dick in terms of his personality, he didn’t seem like the type to screw around on his pregnant wife of less than a year and leave her for my coworker…but that’s exactly what happened. I was more upset with her, not because I think women should bear more of the blame for homewrecking than men, but because I thought she was a genuinely good person and it turns out she was an awful one. With my boss, I didn’t think much of him to begin with and had significantly lower expectations of how he would conduct himself, so it wasn’t the same gut punch to find out that he was a shitty human being as it was with her. The whole thing was of course made a million times worse by the fact that he had chosen to conceive a baby with his then-wife a few short months before he started screwing around with this 23-year-old girl at work. Anyway, they got married and had kids and lived happily ever after. Sad, but true.

Post # 133
Member
2011 posts
Buzzing bee

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footprints: “You can never say never, is my point”

I respectfully disagree. You can most definitely say never in this situation. Personally, it turns me off knowing someone is unavailable. Even if they are unhappy or even if they are in an open relationship and have an “arrangement” with their SO. To me, it is never justifiable and makes me sick to my stomach. I just think, “Ew!!” in that scenario. If you are with someone else, that’s an automatic no for me.

Post # 134
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yep. I found out when I googled him and came across his wedding registry, two years in. I kept seeing him for a few months after that, anyway. I felt like an asshole but I just couldn’t stop. 

Post # 135
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Not me, but a colleague…

She almost gloats about the time she had an affair with her boss, a married and much older man.  It went on for over a year.  She knew he was married and didn’t care.  When it became apparent he wasn’t going to leave her, she called it off.

I have also heard through the grapevine that she slept with her best friend’s boyfriend.  How could you DO that to your supposed BEST FRIEND?! Lowest of the low.

This woman, I have to say, is rotten to the core and has made my life hell on a regular basis ever since I started working here.  I swear, she has no soul, and cares not for the feelings of others.  It doesn’t help that she’s from a country which, shall we say, is known for its’ people being unabashedly rude. Not that that’s any excuse.  Having basic manners and politeness is universal especially now that she lives in an English-speaking country where people are NICE!

She’s married now, and she and her husband make an odd couple to say the least.  Apparently he has no idea about her promiscuous days of yore.  Hell who knows – she’s probably still doing it!

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