- 4 years ago
Please bear with the long post.
I’ve posted previously about my relationships issues but I’ll rehash quickly. I was engaged a little more than 2.5 years ago. I broke up with my ex 2 months before the wedding because he had a one night stand with his ex girlfriend. He begged me not to end things but I did and had almost zero contact with him after that. About a month ago, his best friend contacted me because my ex’s grandparents were in a terrible car accident. My ex and I talked and went out a couple of times as he was looking for some support. I heard from several of his friends and family members that he never got over me and regretted every day what he did to end our relationship.
I thought my ex was looking for a way to get back into my life, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I think he was just looking for some familiarity in his time of mourning. We went on 2 “dates” and he never tried to kiss me or even suggest we get back together. We talked on the phone a bunch of times but the calls just stopped abruptly and I haven’t heard from him in 2 weeks (he was the one constantly calling me). I texted him one last time that I wanted to make sure he was OK and I never heard back. Even though I wasn’t sure I wanted a reconcilliation, I was so confused by his actions. Even his friends were confused. A lot of wounds were being reopened anyway so I don’t think it would have worked long term.
All this time, throughout my relationship(s) problems, I have been friends with “N”. N and I met back in PT school and hit it off right away. He had a long term girlfriend, and I a boyfriend at the time so we were never romantically involved but it was clear we had a good connection. He eventually broke up with his girlfriend, and me my boyfriend, but we were never single at the same time. We’ve been friends for 6 years and he’s been there for all my problems, giving each other relationship advice. He was upset when my ex Fiance contacted me (as all my friends were) and told me to protect my heart.
There was always a bit of fun sexual tension between us and we would flirt a lot. A lot of our friends would tell us that we should date but it’s not something that we took seriously, nor did we ever talk about. His girlfriends were always very different than me so I thought I was never his type anyway.
So last Friday, I was feeling particularly glum. We were all supposed to go out for pizza and I decided I was going to stay home. N called me when I told him I wasn’t going and he said he’s picking me up. I said again I didn’t feel like going; he insisted, saying I shouldn’t be wallowing in self pity that I always feel better when I go out with everyone, which is true. I decided to go and for some reason got excited about seeing him.
He picked me up and it was like something clicked when I opened the door. He looked unusually nice that day. I always thought he was good looking but I got butterflies in my stomach when I saw him. It took me completely off guard. He put out his arm like he was my escort and talked in this really bad fake British accent. We would always goof around like this. Then as we walked to his car he became serious and told me that I looked beautiful. I am sure I was ten shades of red as I dumbly said “thanks.”
We didn’t sit next to each other at dinner but we kept catching each others glances. It didn’t go unnoticed as my best friend asked me what was up. I said “nothing”. She looked over at N and said “y’know, N has always had a crush on you”. I said “no way!” and she said “ask anyone”. I noticed he got up and was gone for a while. I went to the bathroom and saw him by the bar talking to a girl and I instantly got jealous. Where the hell did that come from? I found out later that it was a girl he went to high school with and she was there with her husband, who he also went to school with.
My best friend offered to drive me home but N said he would. We chit chatted a lot in the car and I expected him to just drop me off but instead he ran out and opened my door. We walked up to my door and it got awkward for a minute as he looked right at me and brushed my hair away from my face. He got really nervous and asked if we could talk. Since it was drizzling, we went in my apartment. I asked what he wanted to talk about and I was shocked when he asked if I ever thought about us being a couple. I said we’ve never been single at the same time and he answered we were now. We talked a lot and he admitted that he’s liked me for a long time and he’s wanted to tell me several times but every time he got the courage to, I would start dating someone.
He asked if we could go on a real date together and I agreed. We went out Saturday night and it felt so natural, but a little weird as he held my hand. We’ve held hands for fun previously, but never like this. We had a really romantic night.
But I am scared shitless. I told N I am afraid of our relationship changing; he said he wanted it to change. I said I am afraid of losing our friendship if things don’t work out; he said not to think that way, that we need to take chances in life. My best friend thinks I’ve also always kind of liked him (and never wanted to admit it) but the timing wasn’t right for either of us and now it is and thinks I should take the chance.
Has anyone been in a position like this? Did it work out? I’m excited yet very nervous at the same time.