(Closed) Have any of your close friends done this to you?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

on the other side of seeing things, I would decline a wedding with no guest for me, even before I met FH. I’ve never heard of inviting someone without a guest before WB. I’d be offended. I guess if the bride didn’t bring her plus one either, it’d be alright with me.

I would rather suggest trimming the guest list than telling them they have to arrive solo for a wedding.

Post # 4
Member
8471 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d be pissed too!  And I’m glad you put your foot down.  I would have done exactly the same thing.

Post # 5
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

lol, I’m like you – I used to love going to weddings alone when I was single!  It’s a great place to meet a guy  =o)  I think you did the right thing.  You decide on the guest list, the guests don’t decide on the guest list.

Post # 6
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with the bee above me.  I was actually invited to a wedding where I was a friend of the groom.  He knew I had a long term bf – yet when the invite showed the RSVP was just for 1.  I was floored especially because the groom KNEW I had a bf and that I was living with him.  I choose not to the go to the wedding.   

I would trim down the guest list and allow your friend to bring a date. She can decide if she wants to go stag or not (instead of being forced to).

Post # 7
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

Good for you!

I’ve been to weddings before on my own. Why is a +1 considered a friend, but your mutual friends who will be there aren’t?!

What a load of BS.

Post # 8
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

@coolbride125:  she decides if she wants to go stag or not, by deciding to either GO or NOT GO to the wedding.

Why should the OP remove a person she wants to be there, so a person she doesn’t know can go?!

That’s ridiculous.

Post # 9
Hostess
16196 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It’s one thing when someone is upset that their long-time SO didn’t get invited along with them — that’s more understandable. But to simply not want to attend a wedding alone… It’s not her place to decide she can automatically bring a guest.

We had several guests who were all friends and came to the wedding together, and we put them all at a table together, etc. That’s certainly not going to a wedding “solo.”

Post # 10
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t take it personally.  So many people have no sense of what weddings cost or how RSVPs are “supposed” to work.

Post # 11
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

At $200 a plate you have every right to decide who gets a plus one.  It’s BS that eveyone should expect a +1.  I don’t think a bride should be responsible for feeding some flavor of the month (or day since I know many people who bring a +1 they just met.)  It’s not like you are singling her out and punishing her or anything since there will be other single friends that she knows attending the wedding solo.  If she chooses not to attend your wedding then it’s her loss for being unreasonable.

Post # 12
Member
9672 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t like going alone to weddings either.  But I don’t understand if there will be friends of hers there.  I think you tell her you can’t afford to have every single person bring +1s and that the other single people were asked to come alone as well.  If she brings a guest there will be no where for him to sit.  Then she can either come alone or not come. At the end of the day it is your guest list and your wedding.

If she is that catty and petty about it and doesn’t want to come I would say good riddance to her as a friend because that doesn’t seem like a true friend to me.

I’ll also add I really had no idea how RSVPs worked and this type of specific wedding ettiquete or how much $ it really cost until I started planning one.  Maybe that’s because I’ve been to a lot of weddings without any formal seating plans.  But if you would tell me your situation, as a friend I would certainly understand.

Post # 13
Member
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I played it on a case-by-case basis.  One long time friend RSVP’d for her and a guest, even though the invite was in her name only.  Because she didn’t know a single other person attending the wedding (except for my sister-in-law, who she met at the shower, and got along really well with), and because it was her birthday, I allowed her to bring the guest.  What was annoying was the fact that I had to keep on hounding her up until a few days before the wedding to find out who she was bringing for the placecard.  Ultimately, she ended up bringing a guy who she’d been on ONE date with prior to my wedding – normally I’d be pissed, but since they’re now engaged, I guess I can’t be too angry. 

If anyone else had RSVP’d for a guest, I would have said no.  Literally everyone else knew at least one person that they were seated with at the wedding – they didn’t need to be bringing a guest as well. 

Post # 14
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

There has been one wedding I was invited to where I was in a long term relationship and I didn’t even get a +1 for him to the wedding since I would know a ton of people there and the B&G didn’t really know him. I wasn’t offended. It’s really no big deal. None of us in the group got plus ones although I know at least two who asked to bring a date. I didn’t because I think it’s rude. That said IMO your friend is out of line and rude for not at least asking before RSVPing with a date. I feel like if you are close enough to be invited to someone’s wedding that you should be close enough to ask these types of questions. *sigh*

Post # 15
Member
3150 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@meraklu:  I think these things should be case by case.

1. in a relationship? yes guest

2. doesn’t know anyone else? yes guest

3. room full of people she knows at $200/head? NO GUEST

Post # 16
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

One of FI’s oldest university friends has replied to our evening reception with her boyfriend (we’d only put her on the invite), but she is travelling the length of the UK just for our evening reception (our wedding breakfast is very small) and we do have a little sway with the venue as to a few extra numbers in the evening so I’ve let it slide.

But I do think it’s a little cheeky when you’re paying $200 a head!  If she is a little catty, I’d say the guest can come but you want $200 upfront before they get there!

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