- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
If you have, did you do it? Or if not, how did you get through it?
I guess this is just a vent place for me, I’m sorry about that! I’ve had a really tough week! A lot of the things are on here, so I’ll try to keep it short for people who may have not read my other posts.
The stress of planning is getting to me. Like…..really starting to get to me. Over the course of this week alone, FI’s mom tried to take back the diamond ring that FI’s grandmother wanted me to have before she died (because it “means more to her”), and that hurt. So bad. I was devastated. Thankfully since then she has reversed her stance, but I’m still pretty upset.
On top of that, my mom sent me a gift..only she sent it to my old address, and up until yesterday I was given the runaround by UPS/USPS and was convinced that the person living there now had stolen the gift. Thankfully, that was also resolved, and the box was just hanging out outside of our old apartment (it’s vacant) for the last week. PHEW!
I also learned yesterday that the florist I placed my order and wrote my contract with is no longer at the flower shop, and I have to redo the contract and go over everything with the new florist on Monday. In addition, I have to go through the hoops for the venue and get three signatures notarized for the liquor license so we can serve our alcohol and have the venue sign off on it and take a day off to present it to the liquor board, etc. Fine, but stressful. More worried about the flowers.
Last weekend was my shower and none of my outside friends came. Literally none. The bridal party was there, and my mom, and my aunts. That was it. None of my friends even said a word to me, minus one, who only actually had a legitimate excuse for not coming and apologized all afternoon (her grandmother fell and she had to take her to the hospital cuz her parents weren’t in town. Totally legit, and she’s making it up to me). Another friend fell asleep on her couch and missed the party because she was asleep. Others RSVP’d yes and then just didn’t come. My aunts were really snooty and stuffy and antisocial (except among themselves) so it was really awkward…my family is the kind that does these things because it’s an “obligation” not because it’s exciting or they want to be a part of it. It’s just their duty, nothing more.
My MoH jumped up before people even started leaving to clean up and then go home to “take care of her parents” (which she might have done, Idk) and was then geotagged out to dinner with her boyfriend. = Fine, she has a life, but…If it had been me, I would have stayed longer and tried to socialize and actually hang out with my friend, the bride. I’ll probably get flamed for that one, but she has also done things like get upset about the rehearsal (doesn’t want me to start without her but won’t come earlier in the day, and the venue is outside, so we have to do it before dark when the park actually closes, but doesn’t want to drive over there to be there a short time but also doesn’t want to not come at all. Idk), rehearsal dinner (doesn’t want to drive to the dinner, requires a special diet – by choice, not by health reasons – that I accomodated with the caterer), stuff like that. Basically I feel like I’m inconveniencing her despite not having asked her to do hardly anything for me.
My mom invited people without me knowing, and thankfully they can’t come, but come on mom! She also wants to invite four of her co-workers (we’re trying to have a small wedding, 60 people or less, so we can really celebrate with the people who mean the most to us), and when I tried to say no she looked at me like I kicked her puppy and guilted me until I caved. FI agreed to it just to keep the peace.
FMIL practically forced me into a rehearsal dinner. Thankfully that has been compromised, but she initially wanted me to have it in a very expensive restaurant (yes, she was going to pay, but that’s not the point), which is not what I wanted because my grandfather has lymphoma and has had a knee and hip replacement and I want him to be comfortable (and we had planned to have it at a BM’s house pot luck style). I said no thank you to her request and she called FI and was upset that I said no and said he should convince me to say yes. I settled with letting her hire a caterer to have it at the BM’s house because my grandfather is my #1. He’s supposed to be giving me away and the man has cancer. I don’t want to have 20 people at a restaurant table in uncomfortable chairs shouting at each other around my sick grandfather. No thanks.
That’s another thing, my granddad is sick. 🙁 It’s really breaking my heart. He’s doing chemo AND radiation now because his first round of chemo didn’t work. Ugh, I am so sad and scared that he is going to get worse and miss everything. He has said a few times that he “might not need that tux after all.” It makes me want to burst into tears just thinking about it.
Yesterday was my first fitting and I almost passed out twice during the whole thing. I had to downsize my garments (yay) but my bodice needs 2″ taken out of it and it’s so elaborately beaded I’m terrified that it will be ruined. I also feel guilty that my mom is paying so much $ to have it altered (I tried to get her to go with a local tailor and she INSISTED DB do it because she “had heard great things about them.”) I love my dress, but I couldn’t get out of the damn heavy thing fast enough. Now I’m afraid I’ll faint at my actual wedding.
FI’s job is as a defense contractor, and his company’s customer is doing a deployment (not like you’d think about it with the military, but it’s what they call testing/reviewing the product) for the ENTIRE month of October, which FI will be out of state for the whole month (and he has all the $$ for the wedding budget) so I will be here all alone trying to finish everything. I am freaking out and I won’t see him except maybe on weekends and then right before the wedding. Horrible timing. In addition to that, he is working later and later at work and slowly starting to lose his weekends as well…and it will continue to get worse until he leaves the state. Ugh.
On top of that, the most recent thing, has been that we are getting our bridal party unique individual gifts. I have taken care of my side, and on FI’s side, two of his people are husband and wife, and I messaged them a couple months ago to ask them if they could give me ideas on what they might like as a gift. They ignored me. I thought since they were about to have a new baby they just didn’t see it. I asked again last night because the time is getting closer and I want to have that taken care of. They texted FI and said I made them uncomfortable and it was awkward for them to tell us what they wanted. I apologized, and was again ignored.
If it wasn’t for the fact that FMIL made it extremely clear that she must see her only son get married, and that the out of towners have paid for their plane tickets, I’d be so tempted to just hop a plane to Jamaica and elope. I don’t want to look at my snooty family who will only be there out of obligation (they talked shit at my cousin’s wedding a few years ago about how lame it was that they had to go to these things)…My cousin is getting married 3 weeks before FI and I are, and my aunts are totally offended that neither my cousin and his fiancee nor myself and FI are inviting the cousins (there are like 12 of them plus their spouses and their children, so more like 20…and the ones that would come would come because my aunts would force them – they’re 14 or younger. They’d be bored. I’m not paying for you to sit on your iphone and eat my food, sorry). I don’t want to hear FMIL’s rants and opinions, nor FSIL’s. I don’t want to hear about FI’s grandmother’s ring again or how I made a mistake by not having the rehearsal dinner at a restaurant. I don’t want to look at my mom’s co-workers while I recite my extremely personal vows to the man I’m going to make my partner and friend for the rest of my life.
Has anyone else just gotten so bogged down with the hoops and drama they’ve just wanted to throw ther hands up? I just want this to be over. I want to be married to my best friend. I want to get on with life. I don’t want to plan this wedding anymore.
I am so frustrated!! PS, Thank you if you made it this far!
TL;DR: Planning and drama suck and I don’t want to deal with it anymore. Hmph.