Post # 1
Good Night Bees,
Have Anyone had there father disagree with them getting married?
This will be my second marriage, the first one was very abusive in all forms.. I am currently divorce with 5 year old.. I got married at 23 year old and i thought he was it, but i got a rude awaking after getting pregnant with my daughter. It’s was the worst i ever experience, donot wish that for anyone..
Praise God, I got out..
I am now 29 yrs and I have gotten my life on track, gave my life to christ, I know who i am and what i want for my life, more mature etc.. I have an amazing and i mean amazing Fiance in my life and he treats myself and my daughter very well.. my daughter just adores him.. We been together for 4 yrs now and it has been wonderful.
He’s a bit traditional with I love, He wants to ask my dad for his blessing but my dad doesnot approve. reason being
” I should wait enjoy life a bit more (last marriage, my ex didnot ask him for his blessing so he was a bit tick off.. and he didnot approve of that one either)
“Does not want the same thing to happen to me again.. (which I understand, and i assurd him)
My FI’s culture and his family might not like me.. (My Fiance is Nigerian and I am form the Caribbean)
So he’s refusing to meet so we can talk.
Has anyone experience this before, would love to hear from my bees..
P.S.. Sorry for the long mail..
Post # 3
Interesting. I did not have this problem, but that is partly because I would have been wildly offended if my husband had asked my father for his blessing. To me, marriage is a personal and adult decision, and asking my father implys that I do not have ownership of my own future. It’s not my father’s choice who I marry – it is mine.
The best advice I can give you on the culture clashes between your families is to take a stand for you and your husband-to-be. A lot of what the process of a wedding is about is setting boundaries to establish and protect you two as a new fledgling family. It isn’t about what others want, it’s about the path the two of you choose to go down together. Nobody else gets to choose that for you, and you definitely shouldn’t be letting their own wishes overshadow what you want for yourself in your life. They don’t have to live with your choices. You do.
Post # 4
Well honestly, that’s what happens when you involve an extra opinion into a situation. Your Fiance and you wish to marry but you decided that you needed your father’s permission. He won’t give it to you. Your options are to listen to your father’s wishes, try to work it out and give it time or to be an adult and do what you want. Doing anything besides listening to your father’s wishes kind of negates the entire point of asking for permission, imo.
Post # 5
I’m in a LDR and we met online, my dad doesn’t even think it’s a real relationship. I’m still hoping he’ll come around.
Post # 6
My dad told me that I couldn’t get married because he wouldn’t be there to walk me down the aisle. My dad hasn’t been around for 7 years (I’m 21-so since I was 14.) and my fiance asked my mom’s blessing, which is what I wanted him to do. I told my dad I was getting married and he could be happy or he didn’t have to be.
Post # 7
@crayfish: Thank you so much for your response.
Post # 8
@zomgwut: Thank you so much, but my Fiance wants his blessing to start off on a good note.. something about respect between men.
Post # 9
i’m so sorry that you’re going through this difficulty. i unfortunately know this very well.
i’m 24, and my Boyfriend or Best Friend of 28 and i have plans to get engaged in the next few months. my parents are very conservative, and i would never have dreamt of being proposed to without my father’s blessing. my Boyfriend or Best Friend, who is the most wonderful, stable, compassionate and patient man, knew this and even had money aside to buy plane tickets to see my dad in person (tickets that would have cost him 1000 dollars).
turned out my dad didn’t want him to come and just wanted to communicate via email, and long story short, Boyfriend or Best Friend didn’t get his approval or blessing.
i’ve always been a family girl and my parents’ approval meant everything to me growing up and even now, so this is really difficult for me. but in the end, i’m the one who will be married to him, not my parents. i’m hoping that they will come around at some point, but for the moment i’m standing firm and going ahead with our plans, because i know it’s absolutely the right thing for us.
sorry to have gone on, just wanted to say i’m sorry because i know this is hard, but you’re not alone!
Post # 10
@julieblessed: My father was insulted that my fiance didn’t ask his permission too…which is weird
I left home at 15 and married at 17–my father was wholeheartedly for the wedding though, he even had to sign paperwork since I was underage
That husband turned out to be a scum, and I left him after 6 years of marriage and started dating my current fiance shortly thereafter–we had been friends for a couple of years though
My dad likes my fiance a lot and they get along really well—he actually worked for my dad before we were together but quit right after we started dating because he felt like it would be an awkward situation…..I think my father is just wary to accept a new son-in-law after my first marriage ended badly
So even though I come from a less traditional background, I can see how a parent might be reluctant to give his blessings for another marriage after he saw that you were mistreated by your last husband—but he will get over it, its just an overprotective thing
I chose to ignore my fathers criticism and he has since come around—I’m an adult, he doesn’t have any control over my life