Post # 1
Hi! This is my first post here.. I hope it isn’t too long! I am 27 and my husband is 28. We’ve been married for just over 2 years and together for over 10. We are currently living in our home town while he is in grad school. When he graduates next summer, we will be moving. It could be across the country, it could be 2 hours away – we have no idea yet.
I am wondering if it would be better to try to have a baby here, in our home town, sometime next spring and then move to a new place with a 3-6 month old, or wait until we get to the new city and have a baby after a year or so there. I’m worried it would be stressful to move with a baby and have all the normal hesitations of having a first baby and the lifestyle transition, but I also worry that if we don’t, we will regret the time period when we could have been with family, he would have more time with the baby, etc. Once we move, he would have a job and likely only be able to take a week or two off, plus we would very likely be somewhere without any family. I also wonder if moving to a new place with a baby makes it easier to get integrated into a new social life (mom groups, etc.) even though I know that’s not a specific reason to have a baby, of course.
Thank you for your thoughts!!
Post # 2
i actually had to do both! Either way, its hard! I was 3 months pregnant when I moved. We were living in a walk up building and I wanted to be in a bigger apartment, with a 2nd bedroom and not be walking up 4 flights of stairs!
9 months into living in the new apartment the landlord says they decided to sell the house! IT was unexpected and we were pissed, but thats a whole other story. I had just enough time to have my daughter, recover, go back to work.
We moved out and my daughter was 5 months old.
It was hard being pregnant because I couldn’t do much! couldn’t lift anything or reach too high to put stuff away, plus you get tired really easily, so you can’t do much.
Moving after baby was hard because you have to take turns entertaining the baby, then take time out for nursing if you are breastfeeding.
You just have to decide what you feel you will be most comfortable with.
If you decide to hold off on TTC until you have moved, will you have family around to help out with the baby? If you stay in your hometown where you have family and friends, it might be nice to have some help. I was glad I had the help around because we needed it. You are so scatter brained after having a baby, it was nice to have my mom and grandmother over to cook us meals to freeze for the first 2 weeks.
Post # 3
Honestly? I think it’s six of one, half a dozen of the other. Both will be difficult but for different reasons. I voted for having a baby in your home town because I don’t believe in putting your life on hold for the maybes. And as many people on the TTC boards here can attest, getting pregnant isn’t always that simple.
Post # 4
Yeah, I wouldn’t try to plan this out to carefully – as in “have a baby in the spring” type planning. No matter when it happens it might be a little difficult but you will make do, and getting pregnant may take you a lot longer than you expect (or you could get lucky and have it happen right away).
Post # 5
Thanks everyone! I guess my main considerations for trying before we move are being close to family and having my husband around more vs. being away from family and his schedule being more demanding/not being able to take much time away. I wonder if these pros would outweigh the cons of the difficulty of moving with a small baby (and trying to sell our house!) I realize even if we try, it may not happen, in which case we would just wait a little bit.
Post # 6
Honestly, I’d say it’s about the same with either situation and there’s really no ideal time. My husband is active duty military. We moved five hours away when I was about a month into my pregnancy, and will be moving back to stay with my parents about a week before my due date. We’ll then be moving across the country when baby is about two months old.
Post # 7
I understand that you’re trying to weigh your options and I think that’s great that you’re planning ahead.
Like other bees have mentioned, it’s impossible to plan your life around “when” you want to have a baby. There’s no way to tell how long it will take. It may take one try, it may take years- no one knows this until it happens.
If you want to try to have a baby, you should just try, then see what happens. It sounds like if you were to get pregnant sooner than later, you’d have the support of family and the flexibility of your husband having more time to spend with the family. That sounds like great reasons to me! And if you had a baby before moving, you’d be a bit more adjusted to being new parents and probably will be able to handle being in a new place without an immediate support system a little better too.
Honestly, if I had to choose, moving while pregnant is probably easier than moving with a baby, but again, sometimes you can’t control it. I’ve moved with a 6 month old and it was hard. I will probably have to move again with an infant and a toddler, which obviously will be harder but not impossible. 🙂
Post # 8
Thank you for your thoughts! You have some really good points. I think moving with a baby would be stressful (though probably easier than with a 2-4 year old, based on what I’ve seen from being an aunt to 5 little ones!) but that stress could be outweighed by the benefits of having that close family support system, and especially having my husband able to be around more. I think we would both be happy with either situation, which is the ideal place to be.
Post # 9
Moving with little babies is actually pretty easy. They sleep a lot!
I think the most important consideration is your medical care. When we were first TTC I was very young, healthy, and was going to have one of those Fit Pregnancy kind of pregnancies. It didn’t work out that way and as it turns out, I have a lot of health issues that affect pregnancy. You just never know. Where can you get the best medical care? Is it going to be hard for you to find a good doctor if you are new to the area? Are your options for medical care going to be better where you are now or in your new city?
Post # 10
I will always vote for having family nearby after the baby is born. We lived across the county when our first was born. We ended up moving back when she was 10 months old.
Post # 11
Good point! I have thought about the convenience and peace of mind of knowing my doctor (I’ve gone to the same one since I was a teenager) and having good recommendations on pediatricians from people I trust for at least the first few months. Thanks!
Post # 12
My post was supposed to say across the country, not across the county lol.
Post # 13
I would definitely suggest having a baby while close to family. We’re expecting our first child and I’m on the complete opposite side of the country from my family. Trust me, I’d love to have my mom around for day-to-day pregnancy/baby stuff.
Best of luck with everything!