Post # 1
Sorry this is so long!
My husband’s brother is getting married in June, and BIL’s fiance asked me to be a bridesmaid back in March. I said yes although we aren’t close and have had a strained relationship. She does not have any sisters or girl cousins and no girlfriends, so I knew that she needed people to fill out their party. I am OK with being a “placeholder” so to speak.
Darling Husband and I got married in September, and I did not ask her to be a bridesmaid, as I had family and friends that I really wanted with me and we wanted to keep the party small. I did ask her to do my hair as a way to include her (she is a professional stylist). She agreed but then backed out a month before the wedding.
It was then that I found out she was hurt about not being in our wedding, so we had a heart-to-heart and I told her my reasons for not including her. I told her that if she wanted me to step down as a bridesmaid, I would understand — no hard feelings and I’d still be happy to help with whatever she needed. She said she wanted me to remain a bridesmaid. I have offered to help a few times since then but have not heard anything from her.
Well, now I have found out that she’s already picked out the bridemaids dresses and the other girls have ordered theirs. The other night, Mother-In-Law asked her if I need to order my dress, and she was really quiet and then just said that the girls are all doing their own thing. Mother-In-Law pressed her and asked if I needed to go to David’s and tell them I need a dress for their party and she didn’t answer. I was standing right there so it was super awkward.
So my question is: do you think I’ve been kicked out? She is very passive and nonconfrontational, so I don’t think she would actually tell me to my face if I was or not. I could bring it up to her, but honestly I’m tired of having all these deep talks with her and dealing with her drama. I feel like it’s up to the bride to tell the bridesmaids what they need to do, not expect the bridesmaids to be mind readers.
FWIW: I don’t care if I’m in the wedding or not. I just want to know!
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
sounds like it to me! I would send her a text saying “hey just wanted to know if i’m still in your wedding, need to get the dress info if I am!” and see what she says. If she doesn’t answer, sic your BIL on it
Post # 4
It sort of sounds like she doesn’t want you to be in the wedding any longer… maybe just let her know again that there are no hard feelings, you just don’t want to hold things up by ordering a dress late, etc.? Good luck!
Post # 5
Sounds like it. lol. I would just let it go and if she doesn’t include you still, buy your own dress and be happy go lucky as a guest. haha
Post # 6
I think you all are right. I just don’t get her! I gave her an out and she didn’t take it and just insists on being so passive about everything.
Post # 7
Sounds like you’ve been kicked out. Too bad she is not going to woman up and tell you.
Post # 8
I would just text her and be like “So, am I in the wedding or no? No hard feelings either way; just sort of would like a straight answer!”
Post # 9
Thanks for the advice, ladies! I think I have been kicked out. She does stuff like this all the time and we’re all sick of it. I don’t want to cause any drama during her planning, so I will bite my tongue, but I am really tempted to call her out. Her Maid/Matron of Honor even sent me an email saying that she needs to grow up.
Post # 10
At this point, you should just operate under the assumption that you’re out, and let it go. It’s really lame how she’s going about it!
Post # 11
Just don’t worry about it. It’s her job to tell you dress info, and all that. Just show up at her wedding with the hubs as a guest and not a bridesmaid.
You’ll probably be saving yourself money! Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is expensive! And I think you should only do it for people you’re super close to.
Post # 12
If you do choose to ask her about it via text or email, you might want to say include something along the lines of “If I don’t hear back from you by [insert timeframe here], I’m assuming that I am no longer in the bridal party.” That way, you don’t have to worry about her ignoring the question yet again. If she ignores the question, you’re out. Simple.
Post # 13
what an immature B. Don’t ask if you’re in it still, tell her you’re out!
Post # 14
She needs to put on her big girl panties and tell you that you’re out. Because that’s what it sounds like.