(Closed) Have I finally lost it? Dress story.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would be PISSED. What a rude person to ask to see your dress!

Post # 4
Member
997 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - The Pierre Hotel

I wouldn’t have asked to see the dress without the bride being there, and I would have reacted the same way as you if someone HAD seen it.  Sorry to hear that this happened!!  Giving your FH the benefit of the doubt, I guess he had no idea that this mattered, but I think it’s totally acceptable if you explain to him that going forward, under no uncertain circumstances should this happen again!

Post # 5
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hi,

 No, I dont think you overreacted at all.  I would have been hurt too if Fiance let a friend see the dress without my prior knowledge.  That is part of the excitement, seeing the bride in her beautiful dress on the wedding day!!

What I can say, is no matter how beautiful that dress is, whats going to be even more stunning and amazing, and beyond words and a million times more beautiful than that dress by itself is YOU in that dress on your wedding day.  You will be glowing and smiling and happy!  YOU are what makes that dress beautiful!! 

Hope you feel a little better! And try not to hold it against Fiance, men can be stupid at times!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I definitely would have been upset. Personally, I’ve let so many people see pictures of my dress (all of my BMs, some GMs, mom, in-laws…you name it, they’ve seen it). BUT I wouldn’t want some one seeing it without clearing it with me first. The thing is, he didn’t know that you’d be upset. He *should* have know, but he’s a guy and guys don’t really think of these things. This situation is one where you get pissed (I certainly would) but then after a few hours you just gotta let it go. No real harm was done and in the grand scheme of things it’s small potatoes.

And to answer your question, no, I would not ask to see the dress if a bride wasn’t there. Some brides are really open with their dress, some are super secretive. Regardless, it’s best to clear it with the bride directly than assume it would be OK.

Post # 7
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I would have had the same reaction – majorly pissed.  That being said, I’m sure that when the guest at your house asked what was in the bag and heard it was your wedding dress, your Fiance might have been caught off-guard at being asked to see it and said yes.  His reaction to you being angry sounds like self-defense… he probably knew it wasn’t really ok to show anyone (especially since you say that he doesn’t want to see it before hand) but didn’t know because I assume it was a female asking him, and he probably assumed that if another girl thought it was ok, then it must be.  Of course when you told him you were angry, he was probably angry with himself, as well.

Or I could be majorly wrong and he really thought it wasn’t a big deal and doesn’t know why you think it is.  Either way, I’d be pissed off, but at this point what’s done is done.  Just tape a piece of paper to the garment bag "Wedding Dress – Back off, or else". That should clear up any confusion.

Post # 8
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would’ve been super pissed, too. 

I bet he now knows to to show anyone else! 

Post # 9
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Had you mentioned that he shouldn’t show it to anyone? If you never said it was something to be kept under wraps, how the heck is he supposed to know not to show it to someone? Who is this guest anyways? A family member or just someone who goes, "omg can i see it?"

I don’t think it’s a huge deal at all. Here’s why. It’s not like you told him beforehand and he can’t read your mind. He obviously didn’t think you’d be upset and he didn’t think it’d be a big deal, otherwise he never would have shown it. He probably thought you’d like the compliment. If he knew he shouldn’t show it to you, he would have just shown the guest and NOT told you what he/she thought of it, right?

We tend to get wound tight about stuff. People ask all the time to see my dress when they’re over. All friends and/or family though. I’ve shown pics, too. Men are just totally clueless! If I didn’t want my Fiance to show somebody something, I’d make sure he knew it was secretive. He doesn’t know any better and I think you just had a breakdown in communication

I would not ask to see another brides’ dress if she wasn’t there. i certainly wouldn’t ask her Fiance and I wouldn’t want to accidentally touch it and get greasy fingers on it or something! 

No crying over spilt milk. And at least he knows better now =] So one person saw your dress; don’t let it ruin your week. I bet she won’t remember it in 3 months. Wedding dresses all look the same on the rack, more or less. It’s how they look ON the bride that makes it memorable. 

Post # 11
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I have to agree with ejs … he can’t read your mind to know it was such a secret. I would just be SO happy HE didn’t look at the dress himself. Now that I would be upset over.

Post # 12
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yay, glad some time helped you cool down. It usually does the trick.

He probably reacted the way he did b/c he knew it upset you so bad and he was more upset with HIMSELF for messing up and pissing you off. My Fiance reacts the same way sometimes and you just have to call them on it. They don’t realize they’re doing it, but it just breaks their heart when they hurt you unintentionally.

Maybe your friend just realized how exceptional your tasteis and couldn’t resist sneaking a peek, lol. If she hadn’t been married before or wasn’t engaged, she probably had no idea though. I had no idea things were so "secretive" about weddings until i bought my dress and people were asking me left and right if it was in hiding until the big day.

I agree with Panda! Man, if HE snuck a peek, oh man, there’d be the devil to pay. Oooooh man. Let’s not go there

Post # 13
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

This would tick me off. I personally don’t think people should be viewing a bride’s dress without the bride present! Number one because it could be a secret and number two because you don’t want people handling your dress without your permission – one darn smudge on an all-white garment and you are in trouble!

That said, though, it sounds like an innocent mistake on both (his and the girl’s) parts and I don’t think either meant any harm. 

Post # 14
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’d be furious.  Not so much that someone saw it… I have shown mine to a few people.  But that he gave what wasn’t his to give.  That’s not his dress.  It’s not his place to give permission for people to look at it.  Think about it this way… if someone wanted to see something of your FI’s that wasn’t readily available to view (like something in a bag or box) that you didn’t have permission to see, would you show it to someone else?  Would you show off other people’s belongings without their permission or knowledge? Probably not.  I’d be really mad at him, he really overstepped.

Post # 15
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

You can be upset that the dress has been seen, but you can’t be mad at him for not realizing that you were saving it from everyone (not just him) until the big day. My bridesmaid who helped me pick mine out showed another friend of hers (someone I don’t like) the pictures from our shopping trip and of me in THE dress, and I was upset about it, but I didn’t lash out at her since she apparently didn’t realize (but she knows now!).

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