(Closed) Have I got this all wrong? (re: stealing thunder)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@pharlap:  I’d give her some time, you’re doing this because a family member is ill and no one can blame you for that.

Post # 4
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I would ask her. Mention the things you said here. Say that you really hope she’s not upset about the timing of your wedding. Explain the reasons here why you chose that date. If she’s your friend she should be able to talk to you about it.

Post # 5
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If she’s mad about this, she’s being ridiculous. People’s timelines are different, and yours is based on some very good reasons. There is no law that says that because she got engaged first, she has to be married first. As long as your reception isn’t right on top of hers (a week before, a week after, the same day — something that would make it a serious hardship for her to attend), she needs to chill out.

Post # 7
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Do you live a distance away from this friend? If not, I would suggest a face-to-face conversation rather then hiding behind a screen and keyboard. 

She could be irked. She could be busy. She could be concerned. She could be any number of things, but you won’t know unless you talk to her. 

Any friend worth their salt, knows that an immediate family member who is ailing is a legitimate reason to bump the “so-called” bridal line. Mind you, it would help if ALL brides realized there is no such thing, and that regardless of when you get engaged you are entitled to get married whenever you want, whether a week, month, year or decade later.  

Back to my advice…talk to her.

Post # 8
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@pharlap:  I would also ask her.  If you feel that uncomfortable with her interactions, you have every right to clear the air.  It doesn’t have to be confrontational and I wouldn’t get defensive.  I don’t even see why it would be a problem if your guest lists don’t overlap and it’s not like you’re having it on a date that’s close to hers.

I have a friend who behaves similarly.  She’s single and when I got engaged, there was a period of time when she was very succinct with me.  When I gathered the courage to ask her why (I hate confrontation), her only answer was “I’m single and I just can’t be happy for you right now”.  Some people are just like that.  In your case, I don’t see why any reasonable person, especially someone who is supposed to be your best friend, wouldn’t be anything less than ecstatic for you.

Congrats on the engagement and good luck!

Post # 9
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@pharlap:  she’s being a bridezilla and not a very good friend. I’d personally not pay for anything for her unless she proves worthy of it – which to me so far she has not.

Post # 10
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

As a side note, don’t forget to ask about HER plans.  Yours may be first, but it’s not the only one.

Post # 11
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Not knowing how much you’ve relayed to her about your upcoming nuptials, I’m just wondering could she be a little hesitant to discuss wedding details with you now?  Especially with your wedding and reception coming before hers?

Even just looking at many of the posts on this site, its obvious that some brides spend a lot of time researching and planning every detail of their wedding in the hopes of having something special and unique to them.  A friend of mine went through a situation a couple years ago where a cousin and her talked about wedding details often only to discover that her cousin’s wedding (3 months before hers) contained a lot of details that she had planned for her own wedding.  Not that she had any rights to those details but knowing how much time each of them spent planning and researching it wasn’t difficult to figure out where the cousin got most of her ideas from.

Not saying this is the case with you but maybe just a different perspective on how she might be feeling.

Post # 12
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@musicalrose:  bump the “so-called” bridal line. Mind you, it would help if ALL brides realized there is no such thing, and that regardless of when you get engaged you are entitled to get married whenever you want, whether a week, month, year or decade later. 


+1. Absolutely. Everyone’s timelines are different.

Post # 13
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@village_skeptic:  Exactly. You life shouldn’t be on hold because of her plans. Thats silly.

Post # 14
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would call and talk to her, and talk more about your concern for your friendship than your wedding. I thinking jumping to the “thunder stealing” and “bridezilla” comments is a far stretch when she hasn’t really said or done anything than being more distant. It really could be nothing.

 

Post # 15
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

She is being a bit of a bitch, sorry. She has no logical reason to be upset about this, especially when there are no overlapping guests! You’re not doing anything wrong whatsoever and hopefully she will come to see that. Maybe try hanging out with her and talking/doing nothing wedding related? Or you could ask if she needs help with anything. Somebody needs to be the bigger person in this situation and although you didn’t do anything wrong, it might as well be you since she doesn’t seem willing. 

Post # 16
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

She is being silly. You have a perfectly legitimate reason for a short engagament. Give her time but she needs to grow up. 

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