Have I made a cake faux pas?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I have given a gift?
    Yes : (7 votes)
    1 %
    No : (629 votes)
    98 %
    Maybe : (6 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 181
    Member
    839 posts
    Busy bee

    If it were me, I’d ask her exactly what she considers the free cake to be, if not a gift?

    ‘Friend, if you don’t consider the cake I made a gift to you, than what was it?’ Let HER do the explaining.

    Post # 182
    Member
    4621 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    beebay :  she’s extremely rude. I had a four tier fruit cake with icing and a cascade of sugar roses and that cost around 1200 bucks.. (Normal pricing in Australia) if I had gone with chocolate with less flowers it still would have cost at minimum 800 bucks. 

    Your gift of a cake was more than generous! Id tell her that it was your gift but if she’d prefer anotheler gift you can arrange that and send her the bill for what the cake would cost… You’d see her backpedal so fast that she would be ten kilometers from you before you had a chance to finish your  question!

    So rude…. Even if she genuinely thought your gift got stolen or misplaced, she conducted herself badly!  I would never tell someone if  i thought the gift was misplaced. I’d just pretend I’d received it and it was lovely. I would only admit to nor having received it if the gifter questioned me about it….

    Post # 183
    Member
    1158 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    View original reply
    hpgreys :  This is my favorite suggestion

    Post # 184
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee

    If the cake wasn’t a gift, why didn’t she pay? Please ask her that!

    Post # 185
    Member
    626 posts
    Busy bee

    I think it’s safe to say this friendship won’t survive.

    I understand you want to take the moral high ground but this cowbag needs to know how disgusting she’s been. 

    I’d ‘apologise’ for not realising your ‘mistake’ and tell her you will source a present asap (like fuck). I think it’s now also high time to send her the itemised invoice. 

    Plus, I really think you should accidently tell us her name so we can wish her well in her future marriage 😉

    Post # 186
    Member
    112 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    MY JAW LITERALLY DROPPED. I don’t have much to add except, HOW RUDE! I hope you realize this is 100% a reflection upon your friend and NOT how 99% of women would react!!! Was she expecting you to purchase a gift worth more than $1,000 or something?!?!?! The gift you gave was not only a huge financial commitment, but a time commitment too! I am shocked and horrified!! 

    Post # 187
    Member
    755 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    WillowBee33 :  has a good suggestion. I know you didn’t want to just send an invoice so ask her what she sees the cake as. She will have no classy answer but it might help to stop.the entitlement train

    Post # 188
    Member
    1264 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

    View original reply
    sweetcupncakes :  oh so much this!! 

    Post # 189
    Member
    1190 posts
    Bumble bee

    Wow. Just wow. 

    So she’s a family friend of your husbands? If he’s closer to her than you then tell him to go off at her. Someone needs to put her in her place. What a selfish cow! 

    x

    Post # 191
    Member
    136 posts
    Blushing bee

    I just wanted to say… I have been in a very similar situation. I really feel for you because it upset me massively at the time. It sounds like you’ve got the support of your mates which is so important 🙂

    Long story short, I was a professional photographer years ago but now just work in an art gallery. A friend whom I had known since I was 4 had her photographer cancel on her 1 week before the wedding due to a serious injury. She called me sobbing asking if I knew anyone who could do the photos at short notice. No one I knew could, so I of course offered. As I was already invited as a guest, I offered to do the photos and an album as her wedding gift and she was delighted. I took photos from 9am to 10pm at night, edited 400 images and made an album. I barely sat down during the wedding and endured being bossed around by her mother in law all day! A week after her wedding she emailed me to say she hadn’t recieved my gift. I was, just like you, totally confused and shocked she could even say that. I reminded her about the photos AND album (cost me £70) and she responded with “that’s hardly a gift, you love taking photos and you were coming as a guest anyway”. Those words STILL make me rage!! 

    Anyway, some people are just f*cking nuts. Needless to say were not friends anymore and most people in my friendship group arnt either. They were all appalled by her behaviour. Try not dwell on this, you are so not at fault here!

    Post # 192
    Member
    406 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    Wow!  Some people really do have no shame!  When I hear stories like this, I always wonder how a person becomes so entitled.  At this point, I’d probably tell exactly how much I spent on her gift.  However, based on your updates, I’m not sure what it would take to smack some sense into her.

    Post # 193
    Member
    1027 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    People get what’s coming to them in the end.

    In this case, a wonderful man has made the mistake of marrying a horrible, selfish woman who’s already started alienating his long-term friends with her utterly awful behaviour that’s just totally beyond the pale. This isn’t going to end well for her.

    So, you don’t need to engage with her at all. Someone like that should just be cut out of your life entirely, with no further communication. Spend time with the long-term friend only when his wife isn’t present (and make sure your husband tells him why this is happening).

    As for the effort that you put into the cake, hopefully you can just think of it as a gift for the husband, your husband’s old friend. And hopefully he’ll also have the grace to send a long appreciative note when he hears about how awful his wife is being.

    Post # 193
    Member
    3089 posts
    Sugar bee

    Everyone is so much kinder than I. I would have simply said, ‘I made your four tier cake bitch’

    Post # 194
    Member
    4111 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Wow finally catching up to this thread now. The audacity of some people is just unbelievable…

    if it were me at this point and with how dense she is, I would absolutely send her a bill, let her know how ridiculous she is being, although someone like this who hunts people down for gifts doesn’t seem like she will be phased. Perhaps embarrassed but she deserves to know how much time and effort you put into her cake. How rude! 

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