(Closed) Have I made a cake faux pas?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I have given a gift?




  • Post # 31
    4019 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    View original reply
    beebay :  Here’s my hard and fast rule: If someone asks you for something, they pay. If you offer, it’s a gift. My friend is a baker and we have kind of followed this unwritten rule for years. If I ask her to make something for an event, I always, always pay. If she offers, I will still offer to pay, but it’s typically her asking to gift it. In fact, I think for the last seven years I have received the most BOMBASS birthday cakes as gifts–and holy fuck, I’d prefer that much more than bubble bath and scarves.

    Anyways, your friend is being…ahem, well. She is the only one creating any faux pas. First of all, I’m typically in the minority in terms of gift giving event, but holy hell, this time I will say this girl is being obnoxious! Even if you do not believe someone got you a gift, why in the hell would you deem it appropriate to message them about it and ask? What possible purpose does this serve?

    Secondly, she is absolutely being rude by subtly implying that you would just give a free cake for shits and giggles.

    I would answer like, “My gift certainly DID seem to go missing–looks like your guests loved your cake! Have a wonderful honeymoon!” and drop it. If she doesn’t get it from there, then this girl is an idiot.  

    Post # 32
    612 posts
    Busy bee

    No, your friend was unbelievably rude. My jaw literally dropped.

    View original reply
    MrsMeowton :  That’s an elegant way of handling it.

    Post # 33
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Having just paid around £500 for our wedding cake order – I can’t believe your ‘friend’ is so oblivious to all that you’ve just done for her and her wedding.  I would send her more cake.  In an envelope.  Royal Mail special delivery.  

    Post # 34
    30399 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    ” I apologize if there was a misunderstanding. My recall is that I offered to make your cake as my gift. If that wasn’t the case, I will be happy to send you my bill for the cake.”

    Post # 35
    1227 posts
    Bumble bee

    You in no way made a faux pas! She is rude as hell. I can’t believe she said this in a GROUP CHAT. I think that 

    View original reply
    MrsMeowton‘s response is the classiest in the group chat setting, but I would be tempted to go with the “I forgot to send you the gift and the invoice” line. Let us know what you say and how she responds!

    Post # 36
    8015 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    View original reply
    MrsMeowton :  “My gift certainly DID seem to go missing–looks like your guests loved your cake! Have a wonderful honeymoon!”

    For the win. 

    ETA: I still think your friend is a b*tch!!

    Post # 37
    10 posts

    She this message as a GROUP TEXT?! Holy cow. She was laready way out of line by asking where the “missing” gift was. I was maybe going to give her the benefit of the doubt – maybe she legitimately thought there was something with the card and it got lost. But even if that were the case, there’s a tactuful way to approach that. 

    You did a wonderul thing, she is scompletely in the wrong here. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is move on and let it go. I’m not saying you don’t have a right to be mad, I’m just saying you can’t argue with stupid (and/or rude).

    It’s alwasy best to take the high road, in my opinion, so I wouldn’t be passive aggressive – despite REALLY wanting to haha. Maybe text her back individually, outside the group text, and say “Hey lovely, I’m glad you got my card and I really hope your cake was everything you dreamed of. It was such an honor to be able to provide that gift to you!”

    Post # 38
    745 posts
    Busy bee

    You most definitely don’t owe her an additional gift! I am appalled she would even say something like this. I’d respond back with one of the responses by pp. what an entitled bitch!

    Post # 39
    9948 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    The only faux pas here is by your friend.  Who asks for a gift?  How rude.

    Post # 40
    245 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2017

    I’d respond by ‘misunderstanding’ like ‘haha of course they were seperrate, it would have been weird to put the card with cake. Don’t worry you’ve not misplaced anything lol’ 

    Post # 41
    2758 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    OMG how awful. I can’t believe how unappreciative the bride was. 

    It cost me $10 per slice of cake, and I kept the decorations super simple to save money. If a friend had offered to make me a big, pretty cake for free, I’d have puked rainbows of sheer joy and bought a ream of printable paper with a floral border to write her a thank you essay.

    I’d tell the bride “Your present was the cake. I’d have charged $$$$ to make that cake for a client so stop accusing me of being stingy.”

    Post # 42
    24 posts

    I agree with the others – how rude! Especially the fact that she wrote this in the group chat. I would definitely also respond in the same chat so the others see that it wasn’t your fault at all. I can only imagine how much time and effort you put into this cake. I would be so grateful if my friend offered to bake my wedding cake and would never in a million years ask if the gift had gone missing. How embarassing for her!

    Post # 43
    280 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    View original reply
    beebay :  Your “friend” is a piece of work. SO RUDE. I’m interested to see how you respond….obviously the high road is always a good choice but your friend is seriously out of line and a little savagery might be good for her. Either way, make sure you respond to the group chat to give her a fair dose of her own ridiculous medicine.

    Post # 44
    611 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    WHAAAATTT……??? OMG, her entire cake was the gift! If she is that rude and ungrateful, I don’t think you should even count her as a friend anymore. Can’t believe her nerve.

    Post # 45
    4709 posts
    Honey bee

    I either go with (a) Mrs. Meowton’s suggestion or (b) call the biggest gossip queen on the group text and lament that you feel so horrible that you disappointed the bride with your £1,000 cake. 

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