Post # 1
So, we have a trip to Orlando planned for the week of our 1 year Anniversary (dating, not married…) the ring is picked out, the money is saved, and I have the perfect proposal in my head that would be SO memorable. He knows what I want as far as the proposal not only because of hints I have given but also my mom talked to him about a conversation I had with her about how MEMORABLE it would be to me for him to propose while we are at Seaworld on our 1 year date! We have a private behind the scenes tour planned where we will be able to pet a penguin and explore a polar bear cave and we have both been looking forward to it for a couple months now. The problem is, he got SO mad the other day when I made a comment about how we will have been engaged for about a year by the time the wedding hits. I think I have overlooked the fact that maybe what I want is not what he wanted and replaced that whole idea with thinking he needed hints on what I would like. Like, he took me ring shopping because he is the type of person who cannot make decisions on his own without doubting himself. He wanted to MAKE SURE he knew exactly what ring I wanted because he was scared I would not like something he picked out. So, ever since we started to plan our vacation the whole idea of being propsed to at seaworld has completely taken over my brain and I think he was trying to put me in my place and let me know I am raining on his parade! So, how do I let him know I understand that the proposal is his job, his creativity, and I am backing down and NOT EXPECTING a certain time or place for the proposal without getting him stirred up all over again?? (He even said he feels a proposal is POINTLESS since we have been planning the wedding for a couple months now and we both already KNOW we are getting married October 9th, 2010.)
Post # 3
Stop dropping hints. I know it will be hard but it probably makes him feel like you think that he can’t live up to what you want unless you tell him or get your mom to tell him what to do exactly. I promise, in whatever way he proposes it will be memorable even if it isn’t everything you had in your head.
Post # 4
The ONLY way to do this is STOP talking about it – hinting about it and try to stop thinking about it!
It truly is the only way and I think it would mean more to him than you saying anything to tell him you don’t expect it! (Because no matter which way you say you will be disappointed if it doesn’t happen!)
Good luck and I hope that you get the proposal of your dreams!
Post # 5
I agree with the PP. If you want to make him feel as though you’re not telling him what to do, you should do exactly that: stop telling him how you want to be proposed to. I don’t know anyone who likes to be told what to do especially in a situation like this. I know it’s hard to avoid thinking about it especially when you’ve got thoughts of the proposal dancing in your mind.
Can I ask you an honest question? Does it really matter how he proposes? Would you be disappointed if the man you love got down on bended knee and followed his own script?
ETA: I’m sorry if that post sounds harsh. I just think we should take it easy on the guys because this is such a huge moment for them as well. Good luck, hope everything works out well.
Post # 6
I hate to say it but it sounds like you are ruining the “moment” that comes with an engagement. let your guy do his thing, if you have it all drafted out and start to push it too much, he’s bound to get annoyed.
When it happens it’ll happen! Just enjoy your time on vacation together.
Post # 7
I think that maybe acknowledging what you’ve been doing would be the way to go right now. If I were you, I’d go to him and say something along the lines of:
I know I’ve been kind of pushy lately about the details of how we become engaged and I just want to apologize. Ever since we started ring shopping I’ve just been so excited about everything that I let me excitement cloud the fact that the proposal is really your deal. So, I just wanted to let you know that I trust you totally to do it in your own time, and in your own way, and you won’t hear another word from me about it.
You might not get your seaworld proposal… but maybe he’ll think of something even MORE perfect that you couldn’t even think of.
Post # 8
Honestly I think the proposal should be all on the guys part. You can help pick out the ring etc but how and when your guy asks you should be his decision. If you tell him exactly what to do, where is the excitement in that? Yes we all have/had our dream proposals in mind, but like a pp said, does it really matter when all it comes down to is your dream guy asking you? I had an idea of what I would have liked but the way my DH did it was even better. The proposal is such a huge deal for the guy even though they never really say it to us. My DH knew my answer be yes but he knew I had NO CLUE that he was proposing then or anytime soon and got so nervous when he did bc even though you are planning the wedding or whatever, the asking for the hand in marriage is the first huge step and its all on them. So I agree just back down, stop talking about it and dropping hints. He will pick up on it, but if your guy feels overwhelmed with your dream, let him know that you would be happy with anyway he wanted to do it. This will unload alot of pressure off of him. I have a girlfriend that is kind of doing the same thing and she does not see it but her BF gets nervous whenever she brings anything up and its so readable because he always says to us “No pressure or anything right?” Just let it happen naturally, it will go perfect I promise you even if it is completely different than your dream!
FWIW: My dream proposal was to happen at a Yankees game, you know old cliche, score board type of thing, until I realized that for ME, In My Humble Opinion, that the proposal is the most intimate part of your relationship and I wanted it to be between my Fiance and I only, especially with all the emotions, not 50K people LOL! I never told my DH and I dont think he could have done that, but I am sure glad he didnt!
Post # 9
Just adding my two cents here…we went ring shopping October of 2008-well…I thought, my twins and I are at his parents for Thanksgiving-my ring on top of the cool whip on my pumpkin pie would be cute-his whole family was there, my twins were there…perfect proposal right?! Didn’t happen. Well, Thanksgiving came and went-no proposal. Christmas came and went-even with a tender moment of “I have a special present to give you and we need to exchange gifts just us after the twins are in bed and before we put out santa”-a touching, highly emotional moment with a gift that BLEW MY MIND (not to sound insensitive), but no proposal. Okay, New Years Eve right?! Nope-we had the twins here at my house, I said that it wasn’t terribly exciting or romantic like going to a big party, he said “anytime with you and the twins is a party and very exciting and any time alone with you is romantic”-snuggling on the couch as 2009 came in…no proposal. I though, surely Valentine’s Day it will be…we went away for our one year anniversary in January over MLK weekend-by this time, I had put a proposal out of my mind seeing as “special” times together had come and gone-and guess what?!?! I totally enjoyed our weekend trip and he DID propose! The second night of our three night getaway!
So, be patient, put it out of your mind, don’t talk about it, don’t pressure him-and he’ll do it when HE is ready. (and…In My Humble Opinion…probably when you least expect it!)
Post # 10
I dont want to sound harsh – but you’ve really got to back off.
I totally understand how exciting the thought of getting engaged is, but is your dream proposal really one that you’ve scripted yourself? The proposal should be on HIS terms, and should be how HE wants it. I can’t imagine how overwhelmed he must be with your mom telling him how it should be, you telling him how it should be, and being “on the clock” with your vacation approaching. Let him do it his way…and remember, it’s just as important to him as it is to you.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
WHOA, I TOTALLY disagree with the bulk of the comments here! Is this 1950? The decision to get married should be between the TWO of you, it’s NOT completely his decision in any way! I think that his opinion should be considered but so should yours! The proposal is just an old-fashioned symbol, just like the ring. It’s a beautiful tradition and shouldn’t be taken lightly but I really feel that if you have a strong sense of what you want, it’s totally fine to express that to your man! As far as you trying to let him know that you understand he feels like you’re raining on his parade, then just tell him that, he’ll probably be relieved to hear it! Good luck, I hope he proposes at Seaworld!
Post # 12
runrgurl10, if she wants the proposal her way, she should propose to him. but if she wants him to propose, he should do it his way and surprise her.
op, calm down, it will happen =D
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery
I agree with other posters and think that backing off is the best advice I can give…..I went through a similar situation with my Fiance and almost pushed him over the edge with my constant nagging. In the end he ended up making a point by bringing back the ring (reminding me he was in control of the situation I suppose) In the end he surprised with a ring he picked out on his own and with the perfectly unexpected proposal!
Post # 14
@runrgurl10, thank you. thank you SO much.
I apparently came off wrong the way I wrote this originally because I never said I OR my mom were NAGGING him. My mom called him with good intentions to let him know I mentioned to her how cool it would be if he proposed at Seaworld. She did not tell him he had to or should. I read some of the things some people said and half of them mention something like how you’re not TRYING to be harsh…reading all the posts at once was a little overwhelming for me. I even attempted to try to delete my original post but dont know how to or if you even can…anyway, long story short, I talked to him about it but only after he KEPT asking me what was wrong and I broke down and cried. He told me not to let something so petty upset me and that he would do anything to make me as happy as possible. So I told him I don’t care how, when, or where he proposes and that it was his job to figure it all out. He kissed me on the forehead, told me to cal down, and that he loved me SO SO much! So, thanks for everyones advice.
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
I think it’s unreasonable for you to have a *perfect* proposal in mind, exactly what you want, etc. The proposal is one of the things a lot of guys look forward to, even if you’re planning everything together. I picked out my ring with my fiance, was with him when he ordered it, and was with him when he picked it up. The proposal, however, was off limits. Even though I knew about the ring, I was still totally surprised and it was wonderful. Even though it’s hard, you have to try to keep your trap shut and let him have a little bit of his magic back. :p It will all work out. Just try as hard as you can not to expect it, too.
Post # 16
Sometimes its difficult to convey the context in a post, you know? People give opinions, but don’t necessarily understand the situation. It can be tough to put yourself out there, as things might be misinterpreted from that which you intended. It sounds like he’s incredibly loving and supportive of you. I wish you luck.