Post # 1
Last May, I was unexpectedly gifted a 100+ year old diamond ring that had belonged to my great-grandmother. My boyfriend and I had been looking at other rings but when we got this surprise, we immedaitely knew it was the one, and we had it reset into a customed designed setting. And then we got it back and it went to the safety deposit box at the bank for safe keeping where it’s now been sitting for 8 loooooong months. Sigh. In serveral different conversations (while working on the ring setting, etc.) we had discussed that we would get engaged last year. Of course I understand that this wasn’t a guarantee, but when you get a girls hopes up….
Anyways, as the story goes, life got in the way. He changed jobs, we got a puppy, among other things, and it just didn’t happen last year (even though I sadly had my fingers crossed all the way up through New Year’s Eve). I’ve been grinning and bearing it since, but yesterday I just lost it. I sort of freaked out at him and told him how hurt and disappointed I was that I sat around thinking it would happen last year and that I’m tired of waiting. I guess I was a little harsh, because he got flustered and upset and ended up admitting that he was going to do it in two weeks when we are out of town. And just like that the whole thing was blown out of the water.
And now both of us just feel crappy about the whole situation and I feel like I have completely ruined it by sticking my nose in. We’re both really sad that there’s now this negative air surrounding something that should be so happy. I’m so upset that it didn’t happen last year like I thought it would, and now upset that I’ve blown the surprise, too. Is there anything that can even rememdy this situation? Do I need to apologize? I’m at a loss here and just feeling frustrated 🙁
Post # 2
smac423: What was his reasoning on waiting for 8 months plus? From what I’ve read on here and in personal experience, when a man buys the ring, usually, I use usually here lightly, the proposal is not far off. For me, my husband got the ring April 15th, he waited 5 days until Easter to propose. A friend of ours got proposed to on her husband’s birthday so he could remember when he proposed. My cousin proposed to his longterm girlfriend the day after Valentine’s Day (so it wasn’t too cliché). But they all had reasons for waiting a bit.
8 months seems a bit long, especially since the ring was paid off already. I really don’t think there is anything to remedy his original proposal. I think he’ll think of a new proposal now. I would just chalk this up to a lesson learned and try to move past this. I hope he won’t wait another 8 months, but he may be a little gun shy now about asking you to marry him.
Post # 3
Just be open about it. Tell him you feel bad for ruining a surprise but things happen! Its not thaaaat much of a surprise in that you knew he had the ring. And you guys will still be happy to be engaged. Why not suggest a silly at home proposal sooner or like now, since the cat is out of the bag and just use out of town as a way of celebrating.
Rule 1 of happy marriage, do not linger on silly fights. You will have hundreds of them. Dont take it too seriously. Nothing is ruined at all. The out come will still be the same. Try to laugh about it. Tell him how sitcom it is. Tell him you didnt mean to be the crazy lady but we are all the crazy lady sometimes.
Perspective okay. No one has cheated. The ring has not been stolen. You both want to take this next step. Engagements are fraught with nervous tension. Its a huge move forward. But be light and breezy not serious and maudlin. Dont grieve for a hollywood proposal and remind him that life just gets in the way sometimes. Get engaged and get happy. Okay??
Post # 4
The proposal is like the least important part of the whole process. Tell him you’re sorry you blew the surprise and you’re very excited that it’s happening soon. Then tell him you won’t bring it up again. Then go on a fun date and have some good sex and just enjoy each other and get happy and grateful again.
Post # 5
pinkcorsage: It’s a fair question and I suppose it would have helped if I included more details. There are 2 main reasons it didn’t happen last year. The less important of the 2 is that we’ve both gained quite a bit of weight since we started dating 4.5 years ago (~30 pounds each) and had discussed not wanting to look back at ourselves being overweight at such an important time of our lives. We’ve both lost weight but aren’t quite there yet. The more important of the 2 reasons is that he made a career change and was out of work until November. While out of work he accumulated a bit of debt and more or less felt that he didn’t want us to start off our lives on that foot. To me, both of these resaons are valid. We have a rock solid relationship and his waiting doesn’t have anything to do with questioning whether he wanted to do it.
But I just couldn’t wait anymore and pushed and pushed until he finally broke and admitted that he was right around the corner from doing it 🙁 And I don’t think he’s going to plan a new proposal because when everything finally calmed down last night he basically said he was sorry that something so happy was causing us so much pain but that now that I know he hopes that I can just try to channel my impatience into excitement for what’s to come in the next few weeks. As you can imagine, that doesn’t make me feel better about the fact that I’ve spoiled the surprise…
Post # 6
smac423: Getting proposed to will be one of the happiest moments in your life, even if you think you’ve “ruined” your proposal. A proposal is nothing compared to a lifetime together. Enjoy the time you have together and the time you have with him.
Post # 7
smac423: I ALMOST did that with my proposal. Some how he was able to keep his mouth shut although had I been completely sober and not upset I would have picked up that he kept saying how much he was looking forward to tomorrow and going out of town to visit my friend and that it would be a great weekend.
However, I wouldn’t say it’s ruined, unless you both wanted it to be a total surprise. He could still do it at a totally unexpected moment on the trip. Just talk to him… give him the option to postpone if he wants it to be a surprise. At least you know that it’s coming sooner than later now. Or maybe y’all decide together that it ok if you know. Hearing him say the words will be special even if you know its coming.
Post # 8
smac423: I found out 2 months before we got engaged that he had the ring for over a year. From then until the moment we got engaged it drove me crazy! There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted to marry me, but like you, life happened. We went to lunch on our 8-year anniversary and the whole time (I’m not kidding) I bugged him about the ring…what it looked like, when he was going to do it, etc. I had NO clue what his plan was. Then he proposed. Right then. I was so excited! But I also felt terrible for basically harrassing him right before and ruining the moment. But now it’s a funny story we can tell people!
I hope this helps! And good luck to you!
Post # 9
I bought my girl’s ring 3-4 months before. I had a huge plan of proposing on our trip and it ended up being perfect. Yes, she was starting to get antsy about when it would happen and it was funny because the day we were on the ship she made a crack about proposals. Little to her shagrin a few hours later she got a proposal that stole her breath away. It was one of those moments you never forget. I think you other half is probably just frustrated about the timing of his intended proposal and the argument you had. I’d give him a bit of time, so he can do something extra special for you. Best of Luck !!!!
Post # 10
I found out after we got engaged, that he had the ring for 6-7 months before proposing! I knew that he was looking into some things and we had gone to try on rings, but the ring itself was a complete surprise- although I had a feeling a few months before that he might have it already. He was waiting for a specific time and place that he knew would be special. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him waiting several months to propose, no matter what the reasons are! And I’m sure you both feel awful, but I would just apologize, leave it at that and not bring it up anymore. Maybe he might pick another date, or maybe he will still do it then thinking that you will think he changed the date since you found out. No matter what, it’s going to be special and exciting for the two of you and that’s what matters! Try not to stress, it’s coming!
Post # 11
I would say im sorry, and tell him to choose his time again. I did something similar with mine, and I just got him to take the reins again after my little outburst. I still cried when he did it [:
Post # 12
Ruined your engagement? No way! You are not the first girl to snap…hehehe *raises hand*…the time before you get engaged and can feel it coming you are ON EDGE, when it doesnt happen when you think it’d be the perfect opportunity, you snap. You want it to be your dream proposal and you have in your mind how it should happen. Don’t worry, you didnt ruin your proposal…I snapped and we are getting married in 8 days! 🙂 lol
Post # 13
Aw, you didn’t ruin it! You got understandably upset because you felt like you were promised something and it wasn’t followed through on. I’m with MrsBuesleBee, just handle it like you would any argument. Be truthful and open, apologize, and then give it a little healing time. And now you know that it’s happening soon for sure 🙂