(Closed) Have one child he wants another I want marriage…

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

“Honey, you don’t want to get married because we might get divorced. That is a big maybe. What is definate is that I will leave you if we don’t get married some time soon. I know you are scared. You need to get into therapy ASAP to deal with your parent’s divorce before it does more damage to our relationship.”

Post # 3
Member
6556 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

If you are interested in marriage, and you know that he has the milka nd cow attitude, why did you have a baby with him before you had a ring and a date?

Post # 4
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t have another child with him. It’s unfair that he expects you to keep popping out kids, but won’t commit to you on a legal level.

Flat out tell him that if you don’t get a proposal, he doesn’t get more kids from you. 

Post # 5
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - City, State

Why don’t people realize kids are more permanent than marriage? I don’t understand people who won’t commit because of commitment issues after having a kid. 

Post # 6
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

Feels like this is something you should have talked about before you planned a kid.

Post # 7
Member
9286 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Hodgy527:  Preach, gurl.

Post # 8
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I will say to you what my husband said to me… He’s not afraid of marriage – he’s afraid of divorce! 

This was my DH’s biggest hang up on getting engaged.  He was terrified of the consequences if it didn’t work out; and after seeing what his mom put his dad through, I don’t blame him for that fear. 

But, what you need to do is talk to him about what would happen if things didn’t work out between you and explain that you aren’t his parents and there are other ways to handle that.  My husband got lucky because he married a religious person who doesn’t believe in divorce, but that’s a whole separate conversation. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I get this! I really do! I’m a waitingbee who has someone in my life that is just amazing with my son. He has really been selfless by giving so much to the two of us. But you are totally in the right to demand this attitude change. I say keep holding off on kid #2. If he’s not changing his mind, than you shouldn’t either. When he asks, explain to him why you’re not ready for baby #2. You’re not ready to bring another child in this relationship until we fix these commitment issues you have with marriage. When he’s ready, then revisit the topic of baby #2.

Post # 10
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

you planned a kid before marriage? I can’t exactly feel bad for either of you. Now there is a child involved. Not sure why people these days think marriage means nothing “just a piece of paper” but continue to reproduce outside of marriage. 
you made your bed.

Post # 11
Member
5524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

no ring on the finger, MUST NOT LINGER 

Post # 14
Member
4029 posts
Honey bee

HMC13:  Please tell me he has never actually said, “why the buy the cow when the milk is free.” It’s bad enough he has that attitude, but if he ever said it, I would have to smack him with how disrespectful that is. 

Anyway, sorry to tell you this, but your relationship isn’t as solid as you might think it is if you aren’t on the same page. If you want marriage and he doesn’t want to commit, then there is a problem. If he thinks of you like getting free milk, there is a problem. 

It’s time to really evaluate what you want and need in a relationship. Then, figure out if you are going to be able to get that from this relationship. 

Being together for 8 years and not breaking up is a start, but does not necessarily mean you are happy and fulfilled. Clearly, you aren’t, otherwise you wouldn’t be posting here about your desires for more.

Communicate with him and ask him own up to his committment. If he truly doesn’t want that, then it may be time to move on.

Best of luck OP

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