(Closed) Have to go to a good friend's wedding solo… not excited about it

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I totally get where you are coming from and while I get her rule about engaged and married folks only, I think it’s rude to exclude you and your SO when you’ve been together so long and are co-habitating (especially since she knows about your waiting woes). I feel like you should still attend anyway and be the bigger person (and a good friend) but I think it’s okay to just attend the ceremony and cut out early. As soon as dessert is over, you can gracefully get up, excuse yourself from the table (by saying that it was great seeing everyone but unfortunately, you have to go) and then find the couple, repeat the same thing, and head out. We had people leave after dinner at our wedding, and they said everything from the drive to sitters to a super early morning marathon.

 

Post # 4
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I think if you’re in a serious relationship (like a few yrs), your SO should be invited, esp if you live together.  Rude of her not to include your boyfriend, IMO

Post # 5
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

I would have just RSVPed “no” because I consider that very insulting. Sorry your friend did that to you.

Post # 6
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I think she was totally rude for not inviting your SO! You live together and have been together for 5 years, it’s not like you are a new couple! I agree with you going to the church, cocktail hour, dropping gift and leaving after dinner. I mean she is rude for inviting all your other friends FI/DH’s and you are hanging out like a 5th wheel when you aren’t! I’d eat the meal then go home to my man if I were you!

Post # 7
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Eeep yeah… my wedding isn’t really +1’s, just due to the size of the reception room, but anyone in a long-term relationship has their S/O invited just like people who are engaged or married.  I just didn’t give plus one’s to people who would bring some random friend I don’t know.  I understand cutting costs but that sucks.  At least you have friends who are going, so you can kick it with them for a bit and then if it sucks, you can escape early 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

Add me to the RSVP “no” category.  In fact, if I was reading this last week I would have told you to call her an tell her you couldn’t go.

In this day and age, where marriage is on the decline, and cohabitation is increasing, LTR should be treated no differently than married or engaged couples.  I know couples who have been together for 15 years with no intention of even moving in together, let alone marrying.  I would never dream of not inviting them together.

What your friend did is sooo not on.

Hell, I might actually fake the norovirus and still not go.  But I get pissy about things like not-engaged or not-married people being treated as second class citizens.

Post # 9
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If people are co-habiting, I do think it is very rude not to include them. I have been invited to weddings of friends/family of my SO that I don’t really know that well by name, and I really think it is because we live together and are considered one social unit. It is rude of your friend to exclude you like that and I wouldn’t go. I would probably reconsider the friendship to be honest.

Post # 10
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Let this post be a lesson to brides who are considering not inviting guests with dates. It really sucks, especially when someone’s judging the seriousness of your relationship.

Post # 11
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ll preface this by saying I’m in the camp that I believe everyone should get a +1 (and especially those in long-term relationships even if you aren’t engaged/married/living together).  I understand where you’re coming from initially – it sucks when you can’t bring your SO with you but I think you should have let it go a while ago or chosen not to attend. I think it’s a bit much to say she’s making you look like an ass.  

Honestly, every wedding I’ve been to with my fiance, we spent most of the night apart – him hanging with the guys and I was off dancing with the girls, even if one of us didn’t know most of the others there.  I love my fiance and spending time with him is great, but honestly I’d have equally as much fun at a wedding if he wasn’t there than if he was.  Try and put this behind you and have a great time!

Post # 12
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

you should have just RSVPd no when you had the chance 

Post # 13
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think it was sucky of the bride not to invite him because you are living together and have been together for a substantial amount of time, but also because the bride should have been sensitive enough to take into account that your group of friends would all be there with partners. That’s the part that really gets me, especially since I have seen posts on here where brides have extended +1’s for that very reason, including to coworkers who would know no one else there. So I think that was the inconsiderate part. I also totally empathize because about a month before my wedding I went to a friend’s wedding and was invited without my fiance. I would go, be gracious, and leave after dessert. 

Post # 14
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@Car7yn44:  I would have also RSVPed no. I think you shouldn’t have said yes in the first place, but I support your decision to skip out after dinner.

Post # 16
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It may suck that your bf wasn’t invited and your upset by it but your friend explained why she wasn’t able to invite him.

I know exactly how it feels. I was invited to a very good friends (my MOH) daughters wedding and even though I was living with my bf at the time she explained that due to trying to keep costs down I was the only one invited.  I told her I understood and was prepared to go by myself. She called a few days later and told me she made room for him because I wasn’t upset he wasn’t invited. I’ve been to plenty of places by myself and am perfectly ok with it.

If she’s truly a good friend try to be more sympathetic towards the reason why she made the decision she did. It may not be fair but one day you’ll be planning a wedding and might not be able to please every guest you’d like to. 

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