Have to put parents name when they aren't paying??

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I agree with 

View original reply
weddingmaven.

You can absolutely put it in *if* you feel moved to do so because of what weddingmaven says

OR

Leave it off if it doesn’t feel appropriate or you just don’t want to.

But if this is gonna call a nuclear war with your mother (no idea what kind of relationship you guys have) then consider if it’s a hill you want to die on.

 

Post # 17
Member
2748 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
weddingmaven :  “Many couples want to honor their parents for a lifetime of support. The hosting role is not necessarily about money.”

This.  We paid for our wedding and put ‘together with their families’

Post # 18
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

We did not list our parents by name.  My mom was the only parent that financially contributed in a significant way to our wedding, so we didn’t feel it was right to only name her.  My now husband’s mom is very sensitive about absolutely everything, so we knew she wouldn’t wanted to be listed uncoupled next to my parents since she is divorced and we couldn’t put my mom and not her.  We simply just put Alisa and Bob along with their parents invite you blah, blah, blah.  If no one contributed, I probably wouldn’t have put anything about parents on there.

Post # 19
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee

Tbh I’ve never received a wedding invitation with the parents’ names on even when they have paid for the wedding, so it’s not something that has ever occurred to me to do. We won’t be putting our parents’ names on, the idea seems very old fashioned in my opinion, like the bride’s parents having to pay. Each to their own though, if your parents are paying for and organising your wedding then it seems right that this should be acknowledged on the invites, but if you’re hosting and funding your own wedding I don’t see why it’s necessary. Seems to me like she wants to create the impression she has hosted your wedding when she hasn’t? 

Post # 20
Member
725 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

View original reply
FutureRosas :  

Both sets of parents are making a contribution for our wedding, so we are using “Together with our families we request the honour of your presence at…

However, if they are not contributing, traditionally that means you do not have to put your parents names. If you and your fiance are the only ones paying, you can simply put “We request the honour of your presence at…” or however you want to word it specifically.

Though if one set of parents is contributing and the other aren’t, I reccomend using my family line, as you may not want to single out the fact that one side contributed and the other didn’t.

Basically this is due the the fact that traditionally the brides family would pay for the wedding, so they would technically be the “host” and therefore their names would go on the invitation. However, things are often not done that way anymore, so its not required for you to put their names. Especially if they are not contributing.

Post # 21
Member
2245 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I actually looked all this up when I was doing mine! My mom was going crazy with every little bit of etiquette there is out there! 

If your families are NOT contributing, you are paying for the whole thing, but you want to include their names put your name in larger font and thier names in smaller font below, same with your fiance’s. So it would look like this : “Elizabeth Smith, Daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and John Jones, Son of Mr. and Mrs. Jones, request the pleasure of your company at their marriage”

If you don’t want to put their names on it, you don’t have to as they are not contributing. 

If both parents are contributing a little, but you are paying for the bulk you can put “Together with their families” 

Post # 22
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
FutureRosas :  My parents and I paid for the majority of my wedding, while Fiance and his mom paid for a little bit.  I didn’t want any drama over whose names were on the invite so ours was just worded: “The honor of your presence is requested at the wedding of….”

Post # 23
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

We put “together with their families”. 

Post # 24
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

We just had our own names.

Post # 25
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

We didn’t mention our parents at all. I specifically picked an invite that didn’t use that kind of wording.

Post # 26
Member
7798 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Your mother is incorrect but “Together with our/their families” solves a lot of problems and acknowledges two families coming together. 

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