Post # 1
FIs son is 16. He might be one of the only 16 year olds who still LOVES hanging out with us, and even though he thinks we’re decidedly uncool, invites us everywhere, and proudly introduces us to his friends.
Point being, he LOVES us. Me too. And today is the day we have to tell him we’re moving across the country in three weeks.
Fiance decided he didn’t want to tell him earlier, for reasons I understand (he formalized the custody agreement between himself and his son’s Mom in court, so when she found out and was upset, she couldn’t use Mark as a bargaining chip, and he didn’t want to have to ask him to keep it from her). Anyway, we can only just tell him today.
I know to put a positive spin on it, ie, 5 hours from Disneyland, he’ll have his own room (he doesn’t here), longer visits when we see him, and he’ll be coming about a month after we get there, but it’s still going to really suck.
Anyway, my concern is that Fiance wants us to tell his son together, which I support. But he’s…a boy. I’m afraid he’ll gloss over Mark being upset unintentionally, because he’s weird about talking about feelings with him. But at the same time, I don’t want to rub salt in his wounds, trying to make sure he understands.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Any way to make this big bitter pill any easier for him to swallow?
Post # 3
Ah, that’s so tough! I’m sad for you all 🙁
I think if I were in your shoes, first off, I’d develop a kind of strategy with my Fiance before starting the conversation. Because this could be a really hard thing to go through. So you want to have an idea of what you’re both going to say, and what not to say/do.
And I’d speak (and ask your Fiance to do so to) about my emotions. I’d tell him that I was really sad to be moving so far away, and that it really hurts you both. So his son knows he can be upset too. He probably won’t want to show it, but at least he’ll know its ‘allowed’. And I’d close with all the opportunities he’ll get to still see you guys. So he doesn’t get a feeling of finality.
But none of that is based on experience, its just what I think I’d do. Good luck!
Post # 4
I moved from California to Missouri when I was 17 years old and it was really hard. At that age you’re very established in your group of friends and things you like to do. The culture change was huge for me. I was able to make friends, but i haven’t kept them since high school. Just try to be empathetic about how hard it is for him to go through and adjust. My parents were relatively selfish about the whole thing and I struggled to adjust to my new high school and new life. They didn’t see how it was difficult for me and only saw the ‘good’ in moving to a hoosier area. They were able to retire, which was great, but at the same time, i don’t know that they really considered how much it affected us.
Post # 5
*sigh. As a child of parents who divorced and moved to separate cities I can understand how hard this must be for you. He sounds like he’s got a really good head on his shoulders and even though I’m sure he’ll be upset at first I think that you sound like a great step-mom-to-be and have put a lot of thought into this already, which will help a lot! Just make sure he knows that you both love him very much (it seems obvious, but it helps:) and that you are looking forward to new adventures in your new city, etc. Good luck, I will be sending thoughts and prayers your way!