(Closed) Have we messed up? UK evening invites (long)

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
1886 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Gorse Hill, Surrey, UK

as another UK bee, its sounds perfectly fine to me. You have explained fully how the day will be broken down and I wouldnt be offended by it at all. Don’t worry, seems like weddings bring out all these crazy etiquette rules no one has heard of! 

Post # 3
Member
639 posts
Busy bee

I think you can recover from this – I agree that it may be confusing because some people do skim read things and might only register the “2pm” bit….. normally when you get an evening invite you’re not invited to the ceremony, so you might not twig that you’re an evening guest  

But like I say it’s fixable. I’d just contact the evening guests again with something along the lines of “if you are able to come to the ceremony prior to the evening reception at 8pm, here are some suggestions for things you can do in the interval” and then list some sight seeing, restaurants etc. That will make it clearer I think. 

Post # 4
Member
1745 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly asking…Is it normal for evening only guests to also have the actual wedding open to them?  Or is this more of a evening only guests usually don’t get invited to the wedding, but since we have the room it’s OK?  If it’s the latter, I can see where there could be some room for confusion, but you know the customs and how guests will interpret things better than we do. 

Personally, if I was evening only, I’d probalby just show up for evening only rather than have the dredded ‘gap’, but others may see it differently.    

Post # 5
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

I think it’s pretty rude to invite people to the church bit plus the evening without inviting to the meal, whatever your reasons are. Seems less rude to just clearly invite to the evening only. We had this last year – we didn’t go to the ceremony, just the evening, and we would have been less offended by an evening only invite. I don’t think suggesting restaurants helps as guests will presumably be dressed up and if they’re driving around it means they’re forced to drive to somewhere to eat, dressed up in their finery and possibly at an inconvenient time given wedding timings don’t necessarily coincide with normal dining hours, and then face either a taxi to the reception venue or someone can’t drink…nah…doesn’t seem very celebratory or fun.

I would make it clearer to these “gap” guests that you will understand if they don’t come to the ceremony, but would be welcome if they choose to. At the moment it seems like you expect them to have a gap.

Post # 6
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

U.K. Bee here! I can see how your aunt was confused TBH. Whenever I have received an evening only invite (which are super common in the UK!), I’ve never been given the option to attend the ceremony, which I assume is to avoid confusion about the main meal. That said, it sounds like your on top of explaining your particular set up on your wedding website/Facebook so wouldn’t worry! I’d get your parents/BMs to spread the word to guests to read the info on there.

PP’s idea of interval suggestions could make things a bit clearer! 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  libertybelle88.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  libertybelle88. Reason: Typos!!!
Post # 7
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

UK here, to be honest I was really a bit confused, at first I thought you’d just put the bit about the ceremony on the evening invite and didn’t understand. It was only Weasel’s post that got me to understand it! I would myself only have gone for all day or evening rather than a mix of two, but as you’re giving them the option to come to the ceremony they can make the decision to do that, others that don’t want to go can just go to the evening. Its an unusual set up though I think!

Post # 8
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

I’m a UK bee too so I understand what goes down here. As standard practice is for evening guests not to attend the ceremony, I think there is potentially a bit of room for confusion. I have only had this sort of invite once, and I must admit we were dithering about after the church service because we weren’t sure what we were meant to do. Therefore I’d recommend making it as clear as possible what the deal is in advance, it will save any confusion on the day. Your mum sounds like my mum- panicky and hysterical, just want you want hey! 

Post # 9
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I’ve had 3 invites like this (UK here). The first was done like yours and I thought we were invited to the whole day (first wedding minus parents, were were 21 and just graduated, Bride was still at Uni). Luckily a friend realised and saved us all a LOT of embarrassment as we’d have gone for the full day after the Church and had a nasty shock when we arrived!

The other two invites both said ‘evening invite’ and had details of the evening do. They also contained an extra slip of paper saying we were more than welcome at the Church (both were religious weddings) and that the ceremony was at X Church at X time. Couldn’t have been clearer.

I wouldn’t worry, most guests will have understood your invite but just be prepared that some may not have realised – I never even knew it was a thing until it happened to me (my first ever Church wedding, my parents had never encountered it either) but my Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law had heard of it before.

Post # 10
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Another UK bee here! Honestly I think the invite leaves room for confusion. I personally would just skip the ceremony altogether as that seems like alot of hassle. 

However, you have been honest about why not everyone is invited to the meal. So maybe on your website just communicate a little clearer that the ceremony is *optional* for evening guests.

Post # 11
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Yes it is a little confusing. It would have been better to insert a slip with the invite so it was obvious it was two different invites basically. But for now i’d call the people you think could be confused (elderly ect) and people you see often just drop it in to the conversation.

Post # 12
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I’m UK and find your invites bizarre. I’ve been invited to plenty of evening receptions but never to a ceremony then evening. I can understand confusion although the wording seems clear. 

Post # 13
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m also a UK bee. I think there is room for confusion as people might just read the ceremony if only glancing. How many RSVPs have you had already? If only a few, I would update the wording on your website as others have suggested to focus on the evening bit and then add that they’re welcome to attend ceremony if they wish and perhaps offer that they could contact you for restaurant suggestions if they’re interested in that. 

Post # 14
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

UK bee here. Your invites are in poor taste and are rather rude. When you invite someone to one wedding event, you invite them to all wedding events that follow. So if you invite someone to the hen party, they’d be invited to everything else that follows. And if you invite someone to the ceremony, they’d be invited to the breakfast as well as the reception and party.

Your mum may have had a dramatic reaction, but she is correct.

However, it clearly wasn’t your intention to be rude, so I think you can rectify this. I personally would inform your evening guests further, because if they don’t understand your invites then this could be embarrassing for both them and yourselves. You need to be clear and careful about how you word this, but not be so intense and abrupt about it that it comes off as being rude. Another “oops I boobed” might not be too helpful, even though the first was an honest mistake. Good luck. 

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