- 1 year ago
- Wedding: City, State
At the moment, I’m reading Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love, and Affair-Proof Your Relationship, by Sheri Meyers, Psy. D.
I am skeptical about the affair-proofing part. But, the author raises a question that I think is worthy of consideration. Accepting that because we are living in the Electronic Age, we must acknowledge that more cheating opportunities exist today than ever before. It’s just so easy. Now, stack that on top of the dramatic increases in women’s sexual freedom. Powerful stuff.
Not only do we have nearly unlimited opportunities to cheat, we also have a wide variety of ways to do it.
So, the question is: have you and your SO ever had an open, direct conversation about your expectations in regards to fidelity? Have you each defined what behaviors you consider cheating?
Some are obvious, like having sex with someone other than your SO. Although we have heard tales around here of guilty spinmeisters trying to convince their partners that sex really isn’t sex.
Here are a few from the book:
Flirt with others (send signals that they are romantically available or interested).
Discuss confidential things about our relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
Share their most private thoughts and feelings with someone else and not me.
Tell other people he/she is single.
Discuss sexual desires and fantasies with someone other than me.
Regularly exchange “personal” emails or text messages with an ex.
Be emotionally or sexually intimate with someone other than me.
Socialize with a person of the opposite sex without me.
Purchase intimate gifts for others whom I don’t know about.
Engage in and become sexually aroused by online pornography, sexual chat rooms, or IM conversations.
Develop a crush or feelings for someone else, even if not acted on.
Become a best friend or activity partner with someone of the opposite sex that excludes me.
Fantasize about someone else while having sex with me.
Send or receive sexually explicit photos, messages, IMs or texts.
Which behaviors from the list would you consider cheating? Which ones would be total dealbreakers?
The list is by no means meant to be exhaustive. Cheaters can get plenty creative.
Dr Meyers recommends that we all sit down with our SO’s and compare our ideas about what constitutes cheating. The variation is wide from one couple to another.
Now that I have read about this, it seems like it should be an essential part of coupling.
Has anyone had one of these convos with their SO? How did it work out?