(Closed) Have you asked your SO about his timeline?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

Can’t hardly believe I just sent my sweetie a text, “Do you have a timeline in mind when it comes to our relationship?”

His sister is coming to visit us in an hour or so, until Sunday. The time he told me he was going to propose on July 3rd and the old time photo shop, his sister was visiting us.(He didn’t go through with it.)

Can’t believe I haven’t asked the timeline question until now.

Post # 18
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I can’t believe you asked via text message!!!! Haha you are very bold ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 19
Member
265 posts
Helper bee

Regarding timelines…

Something that resonated with my boyfriend was when I asked him how he would feel if he thought he had to con/ force me into marrying him. He said that that would be upsetting, but he understood what I was feeling.

He also was worried that if he waited too long that I would resent that and not be happy about our engagement period.

Very promising signs!

Post # 20
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Cannot believe that I have been reading Wedding Bee for about six months and have only just found the waiting boards.

My SO and I have talked about it – he is an overly-cautious guy and I launch myself into everything passionately… that’s not just weddings, that’s everything ๐Ÿ™‚ As such, we’ve been on different timelines almost from the get go. I was in love first, I was keen to move in together first and now I am ready to get married… and he’s not yet. And I get the feeling that it’s at least a year away.

Where it gets confusing is that he calls me his other half, doesn’t flinch when I use his surname to book a reservation (for some reason, easier for people to hear over the phone than mine) and participates in wedding-planning conversation. Yeah, I just heard that record skip too LOL.

I received a CD as a gift and on it was a song I would love to use as a processional (“Songbirds” by Eva Cassidy). Since then, when we are listening to music he’ll tell me that this would be a good song to use in our wedding. He also knows I avidly follow multiple wedding websites and has no problem with it. 

I don’t want to be pushy and I want it to happen when he is ready and “if you never shut up about it, it won’t be a surprise”. Still, patience is not a virtue I have managed to get a handle on. And now I wait.

Post # 21
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@BlueRidgeMere: No problem! I know, it’s really inspiring ๐Ÿ™‚

Ah, the famous Mr. Bee plan! It seems to have worked for quite a few gals on the boards! BF and I are long-distance right now so it would be kind of pointless to implement it at the moment, haha, but I definitely forsee myself using it in the future. Yes — enjoy the present! When I get bummed out, I try to remember to appreciate that the two of us know we want to be together forever and not worry so much about the “when.” Good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 22
Member
1035 posts
Bumble bee

This came up casually during our first year of dating.   We  both agreed that we would like to get married around four to five years of dating.  We really wanted to know each other so we figured that would give us enough time.  It’s been three years now so I’m getting kind of antsy well antsy is kind of an understatement lol.  Now that I won’t graudate until Dec of next year instead of the spring I’m afraid it’ll get push back to six  years.  We want to get a house first in like two years and I won’t get a job until after I gradaute so I don’t think it’ll be next year.  It will be hard if not impossible to get married in two years and build the house we want.  He needs my future income to get our house. I’m still hoping he’ll propose next year but I’m not getting my hopes up.  Anyway I overheard him talking to his friend, his friend said when do you think your getting married he said within five years. I was busy doing something else at the time but heard the within five years part.  I said within five years what?  He wouldn’t answer me, I said five years marriage? Still no answer so I’m pretty sure that’s what he meant.  Although now I try not to badger him about a timeline I’m trying to implement Mr.bee’s plan and not pressure him.  Although it helps that I have my own idea of when it’ll happen.

Post # 23
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee

I asked my SO last night after reading this post. We have a open relationship and I feel I can talk about anything to him. It was also easily brought up because at the end of the year, I’m moving to finish school. He’s nervous about doing LD.

Anyways I casually asked when he thought he’d want to be married and he said within the next copule of years. I also reminded him that it takes a YEAR to plan a wedding. This also opened the door for us to talk about a lot of other things. I’m gald I asked him.

Post # 24
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Short answer: if anyone figures out a great no-pressure way to ask BF about a timeline, please share.

I kept trying NOT to ask him about it and NOT to bring up wedding stuff, because I didn’t want to pressure him.  But every once in a while, the dam bursts and I just find myself bringing it up again and again.  And it takes me a couple of days to tamp it down again.

Man, this sounds unhealthy.  ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Anyway, at our 2 year mark (a couple of months ago), we were talking about what we wanted to see out of this third year of dating, and we were mostly talking about moving in together because we had just signed a lease and were planning the move, and then HE said, “I’d like to get engaged this year.”

WHOA!  I was floored.  But as much as I trust his sincerity, I don’t see it happening.  BF is a little old-fashioned, a little unemployed, and not about to propose without a nice ring.

Friggin’ recession. 

Post # 26
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’ve had a bit of a timeline chat with the boy… started off asking him about when he was thinking different things at the start of the relationship “When did you start think that this could actually work”, etc, etc, building up to the engagement question. Still a little evasive on actual months and days but confident it will happen sometime within the next year. So if it hasn’t happened by the end of 2011 I’ll be kinda pissed LOL.

Post # 27
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

You have no idea how grateful I am for these boards sometimes! Seriously…

We’ll see in 2-4 months if my asking about timeline did any good, LOL!

Post # 28
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Before my Fiance and I got engaged, we set a timeline. And then moved it up. And then back. And up again.

We got engaged when we had only been dating for 8 months. We’ll be together almost two years when we are married.

Just remember, timelines aren’t set in stone. I wanted a short engagement…but it’s worth it in the end ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 29
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

I asked him about his timeline (sorry, I did it via text message because that’s when I thought to ask him) about 4 days ago. We have had company since then (his sister) but we are going to take an hour away today to discuss this today. Not sure what to expect. But after reading the original post, I thought, “Duh! Why haven’t I thought of asking him about his timeline?” Wish me luck!

Post # 30
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

@scribbles…”he is an overly-cautious guy and I launch myself into everything passionately.” That describes us to a T! 

Post # 31
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I asked the boy about the timeline and he said he wasn’t going to tell me because he wants things to be a surprise. But then a week later we were talking about it and without hesitation he said “I want to be married within the year.” I guess he just wanted to tell me on his own terms haha

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