(Closed) Have you asked your SO about his timeline?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  We actually discussed ours on the 4th of July 2009 while driving to watch fireworks! It just sort of came up in the car. I think weddings were on our brains because his brother had just gotten engaged a few weeks ago, and we successfully made it through the first year of our LDR. He said that he would propose by the end of summer 2010 and we would plan for a summer 2012 wedding. He is someone who, in nearly 6 years of dating, has NEVER broken a promise.

  I felt a little upset earlier this month. We have different ideas of when the end of summer occurs. For me, it is when I head back to school. For him, it could be the end of August, or as late as September 20th. With us being in a LDR, it makes proposal times a little more predictable. I’m visiting him in about two weeks. I am doing everything I can to try not to get my hopes up. He could tell I was upset last week when we were talking on the phone. I really, really didn’t want to tell him why I was upset. I don’t want to bring it up all the time. After him asking what was wrong, I just said that I was putting the cart before the horse and I just needed to relax. I didn’t want to tell him that I was super bummed that I wouldn’t be starting the school year with a ring (which was what I imagined). When I gave him the shortened version, he reminded me once again that he is not planning on breaking his promise.

  So, I just have to be patient :-).

Post # 33
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@mermaideve:

@scribbles…”he is an overly-cautious guy and I launch myself into everything passionately.” That describes us to a T!

That’s us as well.  I asked my SO about a timeline about 4 months ago (via IM, at work.  Yeah, I’m a lot braver when my communication is done via a written medium…) He wasn’t freaked out at all and I don’t think he should’ve been.  Simply asking for a timeline shouldn’t freak anyone out who is at all serious about their relationship.  It’s a natural thing to want information about and, as a woman who generally is stuck in the more passive role with respect to stepping up a relationship, it’s only fair that she have some sort of lose idea about when things are going to change.  There are two people in a relationship, fair is fair.  

He told me he wanted to be married in a years time.  I told him it takes about 9 months to a year to plan.  He promptly freaked out (about his need to get moving.) Now, I wait.  Some days, a whole lot more patiently than others.  I think if I have to hit the six month point of waiting, we might have some problems.  

At this point, we’re going out of town to celebrate our one year anniversary in a couple weeks.  I’m hoping against hope it happens then. 

Post # 34
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

And I would be pissed if my SO refused to give me any sort of timeline.  That’s just not fair.  How is saying something like “I’d like to be married in ___ years” going to ruin the surprise of the actual proposal? It’s not like the two of you don’t know it’s coming at all. By the time you start talking timelines, the general question of whether you’re going to get married at all has already been answered, so refusing to give any sort of info with respect to when you’d like to get married because you don’t want to “ruin the surprise” of the actual proposal is a total chickens**t answer, in my opinion.  My guy told me he wouldn’t tell me exactly when he’s going to propose, which I understand and respect.  I know he wants to get married in a year, he knows how long it’s going to take to plan, so that’s that.  But if he refused to tell me when he saw us getting married at all, that’d be a whole nother thing.  I just think it’s disrespectful to your partner to refuse to give any sort of info whatsoever. 

Post # 35
Member
264 posts
Helper bee

I totally agree. I thought we had come further as women than letting men dictate how our lives would be lived. You have every right to ask for a timeline. For surprises sake maybe not a date. But a timeline for sure. Are you willing to put your feelings, desires and plans in a box so you don’t hurt his, or are you equal adults ?

Post # 36
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

My guy is another “don’t want to ruin the surprise” type, but he has assured me that by the time I move wherever he is (in about a years time) we will be engaged.  For, now I guess that’s good enough for me.  🙂

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