(Closed) Have you broken up and got back together?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
1054 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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jennab28:  I replied on your other thread from last month when your SO was leaving to go back to England.

Please, please, please do NOT get back together with this guy.  At least not right now.

IMO, the only time breaking up and getting back together works is when the issues that caused the breakup are addressed and worked on.  This guy was texting other girls while living with you, right?  Can you trust him?  I don’t know if I would.

FWIW, DH and I did break up once.  We met when we were 13, dated all through high school and got engaged in college.  DH started partying too hard, like many college students do, and it really affected our relationship.  I would say he was a borderline alchoholic.  His grades started to slip badly.  He was blowing off his job.  I got tired of trying to be his mom and one day we had a big blow out and I threw my engagement ring at him (not my proudest moment either).

He temporarily flunked out of the university and I moved 300 miles away to student teach.  His parents also kicked him out, so he went to live with his grandparents, took some classes at the community college and wound up going back to the university to finish his degree and eventually got a master’s degree.  It took us breaking up, which to this day he acknowledges was all his fault, for him to get his life on track.

We were apart for 7 years before we got back together.  We were both too young to be engaged.  We dated other people and I think we needed that time apart because when we did get back together, we knew it was forever.  He proposed 7 months after we got back together and we got married 4 months after that.

So yes, sometimes it does work out.  In this guy’s case though, I don’t think I would consider giving him another chance unless he went to therapy and addressed his depression.  From your other post, you were the giver and he was the taker.  What did he do for you to make you feel wanted and special?

Please think this through.

Post # 47
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Nope. Never have broken up, never considered leaving, never had a huge fight. We have been together almost 4 years now. 

If we ever did break up, it would have to be something REALLY serious and I would cut my losses and move on. I don’t believe in getting back together with an ex. 

Post # 49
287 posts
Helper bee

Not sure if we actually broke up, but my Fiance and I had a wobble about three years in. We had just moved in together during my third year at University and I was stressing out over graduating and having to get a full time job practically straight away to keep paying towards the rent after I graduated and Fiance was stressed and overworked at his job. This came back into the household and we unintentionally took this out on each other. We were distant.

Around Easter, he went back to see his family and essentially came to the conclusion that we weren’t working because we weren’t speaking to each other most of the time. I believed we had lost something and were more roommates  than partners as we never did anything together as a couple. 

He came back and said he thought we should end things. When I challenged him and asked if he would consider talking things through, he didn’t see the point as didn’t think the result would change. When I said okay (while I loved him I wouldn’t force him to stay) i said I would move my things into the spare room. When he went out the next night everything was moved into the spare room, including all the photos of us. When he came home the next morning he was completely taken aback at how empty the house was with just his things in.

I left to go back to see my family for a few days to give him space, as he was at a genuinely loss of what to do. He felt that the logical thing to do was to break up, but he loved me and couldn’t see his life going on without me.

About four hours after I left and had made it to my family I received a text saying he had made a massive mistake. When I came back a few days later we talked it out and he said he realised when I had taken my things from the house into the spare room that his life would be so empty without me. We patched things up and promised to be better communicating.

We will have been together five years at the end of this month, we bought a house together last year and will be married in August.

While it wasn’t an official break up per se, it was one of the best things that happened to us as it showed us we were taking each other for granted.

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