Post # 92
@CatsDogsBees: For me, the fact that the woman is a total stranger is exactly why I would want information from her! If a guy is cheating on me, he’s not trustworthy and he’ll probably lie his butt off not to get caught or to try to turn it around like I’m being ridiculous. The stranger doesn’t owe me anything and doesn’t care if I forgive her or hate her. So, she would probably just tell me the truth – <B>especially</B> if the guy was lying to her as well! Thankfully I’ve never had to be in this situation, but if I were, I would want to at least make sure the other woman knew what was going on.
Post # 93
To all the bees saying that the other woman isn’t at all responsible because she’s not the one cheating on you, I have to disagree. If the woman knows the guy is in a serious relationship and gets with him anyway, she’s being a crappy person. Doesn’t everyone owe it both to themselves and to others to at least be a decent human being? Of course the guy is 100% responsible for his own actions, should get the brunt of your anger, and should probably be dumped, but if someone else knowingly hooks up with a guy who is in a monogamous relationship, she’s not completely innocent. I wouldn’t blame her (if it wasn’t her, the guy would probably still cheat with someone else), but I wouldn’t act like she did nothing wrong, either. The world would be a much better place if everyone treated others with a baseline level of respect.
Post # 94
I could understand talking to the possible “other woman” if you had reason to be suspicious of your SO, and wanted to see whether your suspicions were founded. But I can’t understand blaming her. If your SO is inclined to fool around, he can always find some woman. It’s far more realistic to expect him to behave himself than to expect every other woman in the world to say no.
Actually, the closest I’ve come to this situation was one male friend whose wife was jealous of the weekly lunches he and I had. She got him to agree to have lunch with me only every other week. When I heard about this, I invited her to lunch, just so we could talk and she could figure out I was not a threat. It seemed to help; many years later, he and I have still meet once a week (for breakfast, not lunch, at this point), and she seems to have recovered from her jealousy about the situation.
Post # 95
@trippy1: Yes, that is correct. Or, rather, my SO and I are polyamorous, but there is not currently an official third/fourth/whatever. We used to have one, but she moved away for school, and since we’re currently 2 hours apart, we don’t actively try to match up interests… yet it seems to happen anyway, whenever I go to visit him. Whoops. =P I’m just glad she’s around to keep an eye on him for me! I have a couple of girls in my area that I see sometimes, but I’m trying to keep it casual, since I’ll be moving away as soon as I finish schooling.
Post # 96
Fight like Cats and Dogs…and bees.