(Closed) Have you even been sexually assaulted?

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 62
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yes, I have. I’m not up to sharing the details at the moment but I’ll say that it affected my life significantly, the person who hurt me is serving a 50 year sentence (he will die in prison), and I can finally say that I am able to go a day without thinking about the things that happened. I never thought I’d get to this point since for many years, the thoughts occupied nearly every moment of my life.

Post # 63
Member
14 posts
Newbee

Not really, I guess. When I was 8 or 9, the neighbor boy, my sister and I were pretending that we were a family, and since I was the oldest, I was the mom and he was the dad. I was an innocent homeschooled girl who wouldn’t even know the slightest thing about “stuff” until a couple years later. But anyway, he laid on top of me for a moment and all I knew was that I didn’t like that! Even though I didn’t know at the time what he was simulating, the memory stuck with me for years until I understood it. And I was 17 when I finally forgave him. It’s very small and nothing compared to what some women have sadly gone through, but that caused me distress for years and he shouldn’t have done it. The satisfying thing is that we moved away when I was 13 and we didn’t even tell them we were leaving.

This isn’t assault or anything near it, but it was still a very unpleasant and friendship ending experience. Just this spring, a “friend” of mine posted on a micro-blogging site a short story. It was actually a pornographic story involving himself, my sister, and another girl friend of mine. (He’s a few years younger than me, and I guess has some social issues…) For months after that, I panicked whenever I saw him, because he’d proven unpredictable and I was scared silly that he might do physically do something to me.

But, yeah, not assault, but still, things that left me feeling violated.

Post # 64
Member
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@FutureMrsHallam:  Yeah – we can’t allow ourselves to feel sorry for our present day self.. We would be allowing ourself to be victimized then.. It sounds like your sister is still with this man? And the have children?? Dear God!!

After reading more about your story, and all the details and reactions from your family (sister and other sister).. and the fact that this guy is still in your life in some way, well.. it makes me sick.

I sleep SO WELL at night knowing that my abuser is D.E.A.D.  – In the ground DEAD. I honestly believe that if he were still alive and I had to continue to live this every day (like many of us here on this board) I would have a much more difficult time coming to trms. I am not gonna lie, I was filled with a raging relief of emotion and satisfaction when I learned of his (very violent) death. Kind of crazy, I know, but it’s the truth. I knew then that even though he could never hurt me again that he was NEVER going to be able to hurt any other little girls again, either. Trust me, the older I got the more I worried the creep was out there doing whatever because I had not reported him.

I was 21 when he died.

To all the other ladies on here, your stories of endurance and survival.. I have been reading your stories this morning, and honestly I am emotionally exhausted just from that. I would like to comment to each and everyone of you, but I am at work and just reading these is draining enough. We are all survivors on this thread, those of us who have come forward, and those of us who haven’t. We are all valued human beings and we deserve nothing but the best… It sucks what has happened to us, but whats amazing is that we never let it cripple us! We seriously Effing Rock!

 

Post # 65
Member
7836 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

 AB Bride I am 36 and have never been sexually assaulted… never even groped.  Apparently I am very lucky.

Post # 66
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@FutureMrsHallam:  I think you’re so brave for doing this. I was going to submit to this project a few years ago and had my quote written on paper but I couldn’t go through with the whole picture thing.

 

I was groped in my sleep by my little cousin when we were kids but then our parents saw and he got yelled at. There was a kid in high school who people said would masturbate at his desk and I think he might have done it a few times when I was sitting in front of him.

 

I was assaulted for 10+ years by a family member. But he told me it was my fault because I gave him signals. One time when he was doing things and I started crying he told me he was so sorry and that he thought I liked it otherwise he wouldn’t have done it! This was when I was 10. He has a wife, children, and grandchildren who were my second family, and he convinced them all that I was a liar. He told me he would go to jail if I told my parents anything and I didn’t say anything because I loved the rest of that family. I should have sent him to jail anyway.

Therapy helped a lot, especially EMDR if anyone feels that simple talk therapy isn’t helping enough.

I also know a lot of other people including my H who have been raped, molested, and so on. Almost all of them are or were afraid to tell their parents or got a terrible response when they did tell them. Parents need to change how they react when their kid comes forward to them with that kind of thing, it does not matter if they are an adult now, they still hurt from it they same.

 

Post # 67
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I have been groped and flashed, but nothing major and unfortunately at the time I thought if was funny. I realise that it is not funny. 

I was on the jury of a rape trial where the man clearly commited atleast 2 rapes. I am proud to be part of the reason that this man will spend 83 years in jail.  

Post # 68
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee

16, attempted assault by a male (late 30’s or early 40’s) in an elevator on college campus (male and I were both students – I was peripherally acquainted with him, but did not know his name) in the later hours of the evening, when the building was basically empty.  I escaped.  I was too frightened to report it to anyone – I did not know what I know now about the importance of doing so. 

Post # 69
Member
10452 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Nope, never. 

Post # 70
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@AB Bride:  I wondered the same thing in college. I hope there are more who have never had any such bad experience, especially as I have not discussed it with my sister who is also in her 20s. I pray she never has been. 

At that time in my life essentially every girl I knew who drank/partied experienced nonconsensual sex, whether it was while passed out/unconscious, too intoxicated to give meaningful consent, or because some jerks just don’t care if you say no (or all of the above, as was the case for me for several yearsFrown). Took me a long time to learn that it wasn’t ok, though of course it never felt ok. I was in a bad place with irresponsible behavior on my part back then, which thankfully is no longer the case. but it is my belief that no matter how much someone binge drinks, the onus should be on others to refrain from taking advantage of/assaulting anyone. Unfortunately sometimes both parties are too gone for either one to be able to recognize the other is not consenting/is too impaired to give good consent. Yoga helped with heeling. Therapy, duh. Christian blogs, surprisingly, were really what pushed me over that line to a place where I was able to start to appreciate sex as a loving act bringing people closer together. Led me to learn a lot more religious teachings that enabled me to start forgiving myself not just forgetting. I think fi is very grateful for that. He gets very sad when I beat myself up over my past.

Oh and I guess a guy on the train exposed himself to my mom, my sister, my cousin’s daughter, and myself when I was 11ish? I didn’t see but the way my mom was screaming and where the man’s hand was I thought he was reaching for a gun so I threw myself in front of my little cousin (who is now a teenager, so I also worry for her). Around the same time a man in his 40s groped me in a store but I thought it was just too crowded for personal space to be an option, until my mom started screaming and he started running.

My heart goes out to you all, and especially the bees who were hurt by the very people who you should have been able to trust to protect you.

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