(Closed) Have you ever asked your friend to be MOH or a BM, but got a “no thanks” answer?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
7689 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I haven’t but I think if someone were not able to do it for financial reasons, I would understand. -And just for that reason, and because my daughter moved her wedding forward because of a family illness-so had 2 months to plan, I found matching Bridesmaid or Best Man gowns and bought them all for her BMs as several of her friends have been getting their college degrees.

Post # 4
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, I mean, it depends on the circumstances–giving birth, medical issues, financial issues, family obligations (funeral), etc.  I totally would understand.  I’d be disappointed but hey, friends have priorities and I realize that.  This kind of starts me thinking about how unfair people were to one of my favorite mommy bloggers a couple of weeks ago (she was a bee blogger here) and she got a lot of flack for being sick and missing her friend’s wedding where she was a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  If my Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor were sick, I’d want them to STAY HOME.  I get sick easily, and I would hate for them to pass it to me.

Post # 5
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yep. My best friend said no. Apparently she was pissed that I didn’t choose her parents as the photographers. We don’t talk anymore.

Post # 6
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

i once tried to say no thanks to a bride who asked me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but i wimped out in the end. i know it sounds mean but we are not and were not close friends, and i thought it was weird. she had like 12 girls in her Bridal Party, so it’s not like she needed me. i haven’t seen her since the wedding – almost 2 years ago. before she asked me to be in the wedding, i never saw her either. the whole thing made me very conscious of sticking to just my best of friends.

Post # 7
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Well, my friends know not to ask me. I have put it out there “BR has retired from the Wedding Party gig. I will not be in any weddings anymore. And yes, that includes you my dear sisters” And nobody’s asked me since then.

Post # 9
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@NATO: I asked on of my friends to be a Bridesmaid and got a “no.” I didn’t even get a reason why not. It was really awkward, and I was really confused because this was someone I saw on a daily basis and who I considered a very good friend. I told her it was okay, even though I was pretty hurt about it, and I tried to make things the way they were before I asked, but then she stopped answering phone calls and texts. I didn’t even know what hit me. 🙁

Post # 10
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Not for bridesmaid but I asked a good male friend to be a part of the wedding and he declined, I never got a reason but I didn’t want to push. I know he supports the marriage so it’s not that and that’s really all I would be concerned about. My mom was actually more hurt than I was (she views him as her second son.)

Post # 11
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

At first I thought no, but now I remember, yes both of my sisters.

One sister thought she was too big/fat to be a bridesmaid:( She actually isn’t that much overweight. She is between the plus size and the larger sizes of a normal dress….

My other sister also declined, because she was feeling like she was doing it only out of obligation. She wasn’t supportive at all and I wanted someone who was. And we hadn’t been getting along for the longest time…..we argue a lot….it’s been ever since I started dating my boyfriend again(after we brokeup) and especially after we got engaged. Now I rarely go home, so I hardly have to interact with her, so don’t argue anymore(thats good). We both had mixed feelings about them being bridesmaids….my mom was pressuring me to ask them, and it just led to drama.

I was a little hurt and disappointed and hope it doesn’t affect our relationships in the future….sigh…

Post # 12
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Well, we asked my daughter to be Maid/Matron of Honor, and my son to be best man.  My daughter said yes, but my son said he would have to think about it.

A few weeks later, we still did not have an answer, so I called to ask him what was going on.  He had two issues:

  1. He said that a best man was a groom’s attendant, and since we didn’t have a groom, he couldn’t be best man.  After some discussion, we agreed on dude of honor.
  2. He said that he was really nervous about being on display in front of a crowd of people.  (He has Asperger’s.)  I reminded him that the “crowd” would be about a dozen people, over half of whom were his blood relatives.  He agreed that he could handle that.

But honestly, if we had been having a large wedding, and he had turned me down, I would have understood.  I know he is really sensitive about feeling like he is on display, to the point that he could never even sit near the front of a classroom.

Post # 13
9 posts
  • Wedding: May 2011

A friend of my fiancé declined to be best man, no idea why, because he seemed to be very enthousiastic about te wedding… I still think it is strange, and don’t really know how to act around him.

Post # 14
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

both of my fiance’s friends declined being groomsmen:( My fiance isn’t that social, and they are his old college roommates. They just didn’t respond to his requests(text message, post card). So I hope they still want to come to the wedding!

Post # 15
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

My husband’s sister declined being his “best woman”.  She wasn’t comfortable in a less traditional role, and wanted to be a bridesmaid instead, which worked out just fine.


Post # 16
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

A girl I barely knew asked me to be her Bridesmaid or Best Man and I really wanted to say no but I felt guilty for her figuring she didn’t have many female friends (I was closer to the groom, but still not great friends at that) so I said yes. She booked a dress fitting for a day I was working (she told me last minute and I tried to get out of my shift but couldn’t). Right after that she un-bridesmaided me stating I wasn’t “IN TO” her wedding enough for her liking. 

Well duh, I barely know you and you didn’t even give me a chance? Anyways it was just as well, she picked $350 Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and I was a student at the time so it was a saviour. She ended up picking some random girl whom I’m sure she hasn’t spoken to since.. Such a weird situation lol. In her shoes I’d rather have only 1 girl stand up for me and call it a day, not pick people at random just to fill the space.

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