(Closed) Have you ever attended a wedding and not given a gift?

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Have you ever attended a wedding and not given a gift?

    If I attend a wedding, I always give some sort of gift to the couple

    I've attended at least one wedding where my card wishing the couple many good years was my gift

    I've attended at least one wedding where I came completely empty-handed

    I've never attended a wedding but have a compulsive need to answer polls

  • Post # 3
    Member
    18628 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I usually try to give something no matter what.  If I didn’t have a lot of money, I would probably try to give something inexpensive.

    Post # 4
    Member
    160 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I always give a gift.  But that’s my “love language”, to be cheesy and best-seller-self-helpy. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    876 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    If I were invited to a wedding I would give a gift/money/gift card, even if I don’t attend.  Even during my poor grad student days, I would still give something.  However, I don’t expect people to give us gifts for our wedding.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I have attended several weddings where I didn’t bring a gift. On some occasions, I brought a card but most of time I didn’t bring a gift because I couldn’t afford one at the time. If I can afford it, I will do my best to buy a gift. Otherwise, I will just send a card.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2054 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    One wedding that I went to right after college I was unable to afford a gift so I just gave them a card. I spent about $400 just getting to their wedding…so I just gave them a nice card wishing them well. Other than that every wedding I have given gifts!

    Post # 9
    Member
    8 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2008

    @redherring:  Only once did I not give a gift, only a card, and it was a wedding that involved flights, rental car, lodging, etc.  I apologized to the bride and she was so gracious and insistent I NOT get them a gift because I traveled so far, etc.  I still felt guilty about it for awhile as I’ve given gifts for other weddings I traveled to.   I’m the type of person who buys $100+ gifts for couples who say “no gifts” with their invitation as that’s what’s in my heart to do so.  I haven’t been to many weddings so it’s only been just close friends whose weddings I get invited to. THat said, I never knew how rare that was to give a nice gift to those who say “no gifts” and I put “no gifts” on my wedding invitation as we had a lot of out of town guests with travel costs. No way did I want them to also feel they had to spend money on a gift. However. I didn’t necessarily feel that way about our local guests, but there was no dignified way to say travelers no gifts please but local guests can get us such and such.  So I left it as no gifts and stupid as it sounds I was shocked we got, well, almost no gifts from our 100 guests.  And 1/3 gave not even a card!  These are 40’s-50’s mid-career professional  people too.  It was an eyeopener how much I had projected my sense of etiquette on others and I’m still recovering from the shock! I read the other posts about some think an empty card is redundant if you’re going to a wedding – I don’t, but that’s me.  I would have really appreciated an “empty” card with a heartfelt message than nothing at all. Verbal thanks are just too ephemeral especially on such a whirlwind day.     

    Post # 10
    Member
    2475 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I always give a gift… always have, always will. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    240 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    There have been times where I’ve given a gift AFTER the wedding (i’ll always make up for my procrastination by giving a more generous gift!).  But I have always given a gift if I’m invited to a wedding.  

    Post # 13
    Member
    1932 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2008

    I definitely think you should give SOMETHING, even if it’s the $7 oil caddy from target they registered for. And if you REALLY can’t afford anything, fold a piece of paper, make it into a little card by coloring a pleasant picture on the front and give all your love and wishes for the couple… They definitely understand! Many of my friends didn’t give a gift for my wedding, and several didn’t even give me a card and I have to say I was a little hurt because even though I understood that they couldn’t really afford anything, I would have appreciated just an “I love you, wish you the best” etc..

    Post # 14
    Member
    1701 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I may have had to wait do to financial circumstances, but I always give one eventually, even if it is small.

    Post # 15
    Member
    536 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Well my situation might be a little different.  I went to a good friends wedding and didn’t bring anything.  I was young and had no idea about wedding etiquette..I did however give them a gift at the bridal shower.  At the time money was tight and I couldn’t afford two gifts, not to mention I had no idea I was supposed to give a card and money at the actual wedding.  Oops:)

    Post # 16
    Member
    5887 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2012

    i live on the east coast and most of my friends/family are on the west coast, so every wedding i’ve been to has involved minimum of $500 in flights and accomodations alone.  if i can’t afford to do that AND get a gift, i don’t go to the wedding.  i couldn’t imagine not giving a gift.

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