- 10 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
I always give at least a little something; often times it ends up being a gift card that the couple can definitely use.
The only time I ever attended a wedding without a gift was my cousin’s wedding. I DID have a card. I had just had a baby (3 weeks before) and gotten married myself (3 months before). I played with the idea of giving her the Lenox photo album she gave me as a wedding gift, considering it was given to her originally as a shower gift. (The card was in one of the photo pages. I never mentioned it to her.) But I didn’t. I just wished her well and laughed inside.
I did once, to the first wedding I went to as an adult. I didn’t know any better.
If I can’t afford travel/lodging/etc costs AND the cost of a gift, I don’t go to the wedding. I couldn’t imagine EVER not giving a gift (and not just a card, an actual registry gift). And I also give a gift even if I can’t attend.
And honestly, people say they’d rather have the guest’s presence than a gift but I would be so uncomfortable the entire event if I attended without giving one that it just isn’t an option in my mind.
I always have a gift, even if I don’t go.
Technically, yes I’ve doen this twice but both times I gave a shower gift and had to buy plane tickets and hotel rooms for two nights to attend the wedding. At that point I considered my presense the ‘wedding present’.
I did this once but it was to a destination wedding and the couple particuarly asked us not to get them gifts due to the cost of travel and lodging. I am still thinking about sending them something as we are still in the 365 day mark and I bought them a present that requires some DIY which I have not yet completed.
Sometimes, I rather just give a gift than go. I felt slightly guilty I couldn’t make it to a good friend’s wedding- didn’t have the vacation time, and there is no airport- I would have had to drive for 2 days to get there…. so I gave engagement/RSVP decline gift, and a wedding gift. Still spent exponentially less than if I had actually attended.
The most I didn’t give was because I was a “stand-in” guest. My date bought a gift-card and signed my name along with it- it wasn’t the most generous but the airfare/hotel was enough money spent.
I am ashamed to say that yes, when I was younger and in school I attended 2 family weddings where I gave nothing, not even a card. I would never do that now, no matter how broke I’m feeling–but I think back then I just had no clue (and also, honestly, no money).
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