(Closed) Have you ever been cheated on and forgiven your SO?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

just wondering what your thought process was behind forgiving your SO.

I realized that in order to forgive I needed to drop the topic completely. I couldn’t keep bringing it up and hanging it over his head.  I also kept it private between the two of us.

Did they confess Or did you find out through other means?

I found out on my own and he immediately confessed once confronted.

why did you decide to forgive?

I was young and naive. 

was it early on in the relationship or after years of being together?

It was within the firsts few months of our relationship.

Did you find out right away or a significant amount of time after it happened?

I found out the day after.  He didn’t cover it up well.

did you ever think about cheating on them after forgiving them?

Not at all.

how long did the relationship last after forgiving them?

Two years of marriage.

any other details that you’d like to add are more than welcome

He continued to cheat.  And the trust was never fully restored.

Post # 3
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

BeeutifulBee:  I’ve never been cheated on, but I don’t think it’s a forgiveable act at all. When you commit yourself to someone, it is a betrayal, to say the least, when you violate that commitment. I can’t imagine how painful it is to have someone you love, and that said they love you, cheat. It’s humiliating, it’s a huge blow to anyone’s self confidence, and it makes you look at yourself and ask, “what did I do wrong?” It’s never the other person’s fault when they get cheated on, I don’t care what the situation.

I’ve heard my friends’ boyfriends blame it on alcohol or something like that, but how is that a valid excuse? If my Fiance cheated and said it was because of alcohol, I would laugh. So, you have a lust for other women when under the influence? You can’t say, “no” to someone who is hitting on you? Not okay. In the end, I think cheaters do their partner a favor because it saves them from wasting more time with a person who doesn’t truly love them.

 

Post # 4
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

Did they confess Or did you find out through other means? Found out through other means. I raised suspicions but ultimately he kept incriminating text messages on his phone.

why did you decide to forgive? I loved him unconditionally, I wanted to forgive him and I wanted to move forward.

was it early on in the relationship or after years of being together? The cheating came to a head about 4.5 years into the relationship, and I ultimately found out it was on and off with the same girl since early in the relationship.

Did you find out right away or a significant amount of time after it happened? both.

did you ever think about cheating on them after forgiving them? not even remotely – what would that solve?

how long did the relationship last after forgiving them? a couple of months. Although I forgave him, I couldn’t trust him any longer – believe me, I tried! When I realized he’d disrespected everything we’d built and promised without much remorse, the relationship felt hollow and exhausting. I couldn’t share my life with someone I couldn’t trust, and I couldn’t share my life with someone so disrespectful and deceitful.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I was engaged a few years ago and he cheated with his exwife. I found out a few things that bothered me and when I confronted him he told me he had slept with her. I was crushed, but being an idiot and because I loved him I tried to forgive him. I’ve never believed in forgiving someone for cheating because once the trust is gone its gone. But I was stupid and I tried to forgive him. It didn’t work out I just couldn’t get past it. Everytime he wasn’t with me I was worried he was with someone else. Turns out he was a lying cheating piece of shit. He has cheated on every girl he’s ever dated. I think we only stayed together for like 2 weeks after I found out. 

Post # 6
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee

Did they confess Or did you find out through other means? Found stuff on his phone. He told me everything when confronted.

why did you decide to forgive? We were married and we did not want to throw in the towel.

did you ever think about cheating on them after forgiving them? No.

was it early on in the relationship or after years of being together? 4 years into relationship. Married a year.

Did you find out right away or a significant amount of time after it happened? After several months.

how long did the relationship last after forgiving them? Still growing strong 🙂

It wasn’t physical cheating, so maybe that’s why we were able to get through it, but things are better than ever. I really think couples can get through a betrayal if both are 100% committed to making it work.

 

Post # 7
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

BeeutifulBee:  I had a boyfriend years ago before I met my husband and within a few months of us dating I was supposed to meet him at a bar on my birthday. When I got there I saw a guy in the corner that looked like him making out with some girl. As I got closer I realized it was him. I stormed out of there and broke up with him for about a week and he begged for forgiveness, said he was drunk, and promised to make it up to me.

I never fully trusted him after that even though I didn’t take it out/lash out on him.

Within about 2 months I went to his dorm because he asked me to come after work and I went over there and he must have forgotten that he asked me to come because he came to the door with a towel around his waist and his ex in his bed and then started to yell at me for coming there. At this point I was numb and didn’t even care. I had been ready to leave the relationship anyway, but this was my easy way out.

Once they cheat, it’s reallllly hard to get that trust back, and it’s realllly hard for them to ever respect you again because they are then accustomed to getting away with whatever bullshit they can. I would never again stay with a cheater. Lesson learned.

Post # 8
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Did they confess Or did you find out through other means?

Usually I found out by snooping or the other woman contacting me directly.  Once I had the lovely experience of having some girl crawl through his bedroom window right in front of me!

why did you decide to forgive?

Love and stupidity 

was it early on in the relationship or after years of being together?

Both 

Did you find out right away or a significant amount of time after it happened?

He never stopped cheating so there was always something for me to catch, it was just a matter of whether I had the energy at the moment to deal with all the drama.  It’s hard to put on a furious/devastated act when for the most part you’re numb and desensitized to it all.

did you ever think about cheating on them after forgiving them?

I cheated on him twice during times I knew he was already cheating on me

how long did the relationship last after forgiving them?

I finally initiated a divorce after 2.5 years of marriage (almost 9 years together total).  I didn’t love him anymore…FINALLY!

 

Post # 9
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Did they confess Or did you find out through other means?

I found out from how he acted around his phone. He put a lock on it. He always stepped out to answer calls except for the one time he said “I love you, babe” while my bedroom laying on my bed while I was on a couch in my living room lol. He said it was his mama. Ha ha. 

He became more concerned with his figure so he started going to gym all the time, wearing different cologne, etc. Our sex changed one day. Like 180°. It was the most sickening feeling bc I knew he wasn’t emotionally or physically with me anymore. He started bringing home little gifts that he “found”. 

Why did you decide  to forgive?

I was young, in love, and very naive. He was a master manipulator and abusive. He blamed everything on me. I thought if It was my fault then I would try harder the second time to make him stay. 

was it early on in the relationship or after years of being together? 

We were together for ten and he had a full blown relationship with someone else 7-8 years in. But he had cheated in the past I just didn’t really want to believe it. 

Did you find out right away or a significant amount of time after it happened?

I knew when it happened. Or maybe when he got more comfortable and stopped being so sly.  

did you ever think about cheating on them after forgiving them? 

No. Two wrongs don’t make a right. 

how long did the relationship last after forgiving them?

Two years. He kept cheating. He kept blaming it on me- that I didn’t love him enough. I would stay up and Google how to love someone. I couldn’t be physically with him anymore. Everytime he wanted sex I was so repulsed. I knew the person he had been with. And all I saw was the two of them together. If he did this or that with her. It made me so sick. I couldn’t sleep or eat. My hair was falling out. I was tired of all the lies. He would lie to me and I would lie to everyone else and myself that we were happy. We had so many other problems. This was just one of them. 

I could never forgive him but he didn’t deserve to be forgiven anyway. He’s married now and I pray that he has grown up and is  monogamous with her. She has kids and it would be much more traumatic for her to go through it with them.  

 

 

 

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/have-you-ever-been-cheated-on-and-forgiven-your-so/#ixzz3qLojdVGr

Post # 10
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes. He cheated again. I have since found a relationship actually built on trust, and living without the constant anxiety is a blessing I cannot begin to describe. End of story 🙂

Post # 11
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Did they confess Or did you find out through other means?

He confessed after I confronted him. 

why did you decide to forgive?

At first, I didn’t.  We broke up and had zero contact for over a year. When we did start talking again, we slowly started dating and clearly defined our expectations for the relationship. It took a long time for things to go back to the way they were previously. 

was it early on in the relationship or after years of being together?

It was 6-7 months into our LDR.  

Did you find out right away or a significant amount of time after it happened?

Right away. He was acting super shady and was avoiding my phone calls. 

did you ever think about cheating on them after forgiving them? 

No, never.  

how long did the relationship last after forgiving them?

Going on 6 years since getting back together. We got married this past May. 

Post # 12
Member
449 posts
Helper bee

Did they confess Or did you find out through other means? She was at a party at our house, got drunk, and started telling people. They told me, I confronted him, and he immediately confessed.

why did you decide to forgive? Because we lived together and I thought it would be easier.

was it early on in the relationship or after years of being together? It was at about the 1 year mark.

Did you find out right away or a significant amount of time after it happened? It was about a month after it happened, but I’m sure they saw each other more since.

did you ever think about cheating on them after forgiving them? I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t cross my mind. But I know I never actually would have.

how long did the relationship last after forgiving them? About 3 months. We were miserable, he avoided me and started drinking constantly, and I was so happy when I found a way to move out.

Post # 13
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Did they confess Or did you find out through other means? I found out through his computer. He left his Facebook open on a message between him and a friend, talking about him making out with another girl that past weekend. He left it up while he went to the gym, and I went to use the computer. I snooped many many times but this time I actually wasn’t trying to snoop, go figure. I confronted him and he would not ‘fess up until I threatened to contact the friend who sent the message.

why did you decide to forgive? I really thought we were in it to win it… and I thought this stuff was normal and happened in every relationship. Dumb and low standards on my part!

was it early on in the relationship or after years of being together? It was after about 2 years.

Did you find out right away or a significant amount of time after it happened? Found out right away.

did you ever think about cheating on them after forgiving them? No, never.

how long did the relationship last after forgiving them? It lasted about 6 more months. After I caught him again (with a different girl who was married), I knew it would never stop and it was over. Left the next morning.

Post # 15
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

My ex was drunk at a party at our apartment, and stayed up after I went to bed.  Woke up the enxt morning with no memory of the night, but hickeys I didn’t give him.  Cried and pleaded for a second chance.  Couldn’t even remember who it was.  It lasted a few more months until he cheated again.  Apparently drunk again, but no longer my problem.  Not worth the heartache.  The trust never fully came back, not that I had much time before the next incident anyways.

The topic ‘Have you ever been cheated on and forgiven your SO?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors