(Closed) Have you ever been cheated on and forgiven your SO?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
3806 posts
Honey bee

BeeutifulBee:  Yes, we were really disconnected at that point in our relationship (I think 2 years in) and I felt like things were very off and he was pretty cold towards me. He left his old phone on the table when he upgraded to a new one, and I snooped. I found lots of dirty pics from random girls and messages from an ex-gf where they had met up while I was out of town and had dinner and apparently kissed aftewards. We broke up that very day, but I did end up going back and continued the horrible rocky relationship for another 6 months or so. It was a disaster, but he was a scumbag to begin with, and I was vulnerable and didn’t want to be alone, so there really was no way for things to turn out okay.

Post # 18
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Did they confess Or did you find out through other means?

I had my suspicions so started to investigate. Turns out I was right to be suspicious…

 

why did you decide to forgive?

Was too stupid and naive. And insecure and thought I would not meet (or deserved) someone better…

 

was it early on in the relationship or after years of being together?

6 months.

 

Did you find out right away or a significant amount of time after it happened?

Almost right away.

 

did you ever think about cheating on them after forgiving them?

No.

 

how long did the relationship last after forgiving them?

Few more months.

 

any other details that you’d like to add are more than welcome.

A man who cheats on you for whatever reason is not deserving of your trust and love. Now that I am with the right person, although I cannot guarranteee he will never, ever cheat on me, I can definitely tell the other guys lacked character,  and were dishonest and dodgy in their dealings with others, so why on earth did I think they would be any different with me??!!! I have no idea, other than I was young, naive, insecure, had low self esteem and wanted to believe.

 

 

 

 

Post # 19
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

BeeutifulBee:  I have no problems trusting him now. When we got back together a year later, it was like dating a totally different person. He was in a very destructive environment previously that he removed himself from, and he had done a lot of growing up. If I do happen to think about it, it doesn’t really make me angry anymore. We actually ran into the girl at a New Years Eve party a few years ago and I think he was more upset about it than I was. It’s not something we bring up, or really feel the need to. Even in our worst fights, it’s not something I’ve ever thrown in his face. 

Post # 20
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My ex cheated on me, more than once. I was 19/20 at the time. I finally caught him in the act, after he was acting shady, not responding to texts or answering his phone. I knew where he was, so I went there and found them together, drunk out of their minds. He eventually told me he’d slept with her a couple weeks prior at a party (which I left early, because we got into an argument). He said he invited her to his friend’s place so that they could talk about what happened and how they were going to tell me (yeah right), and oops, ended up drunk and naked again.

He blamed me for “making” him cheat, I believed him, and I took him back. We tried to make it work, but ended up breaking up a couple months later. We were apart for about  4 months, and then got back together again. Lasted another 3 months. My resentment toward him for cheating on me, paired with our trust issues, made it impossible for us to work. We fought constantly and my self-esteem was shattered. I never felt the urge to revenge-cheat (although he accused me of it on the regular), I just wanted so badly to be “enough” for him. All in all, we dated for about about 2 years. Believe it or not, the fact that this guy was a cheater was not the worst thing about him. 

Post # 21
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

BeeutifulBee: When it first happened, he gave me all his passwords and I checked his phone and email regularly. I occasionally get the urge to scroll through his phone now, but I don’t. Part of moving on is letting go of all those trust issues. It was hard at first, but it has gotten much easier over time. 

Post # 22
Member
11574 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I was unable able to stay with someone who cheated. A switch went off inside of me and it was done. I couldn’t even get to forgiving or trusting, because my love died immediately.

Everyone is wired differently.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  BalletParker.
Post # 23
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I had an ex cheat on me, but I didn’t know about it until after we broke up. Would have broken it off immediately if I had known at the time.

Cheating is something I would never tolerate. No hesitation, no trying to talk it out. I would just be gone.

Post # 24
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

My ex Fiance chated on me and I broke it off.  His new girlfriend “accidentally” texted me instead of him (right…..) and that’s how I found out.  I had no idea as he acted completely normal.  This was a coworker of his that he developed a crush on and things spiraled from there.  I found out about 3 months after we got engaged.

We went to counseling after he begged my forgiveness and I found out that the reason he cheated was because he felt things were becoming “stale”, which was news to me.  So instead of talking to me about it, he ran to another woman.  I knew I could never trust someone like that.

It was so hard at first because I kept blaming myself.  Then one day I realized, like a light bulb had gone on, that I did nothing wrong.  He showed up at my parents begging once more for forgiveness but I was stong enough to say no.  I don’t need that kind of crap in my life.

Post # 26
Member
37 posts
Newbee

Did they confess Or did you find out through other means?

I found out after seeing messages on his phone

why did you decide to forgive?

Because I loved him so much. It was definitley a long road to recovery.

was it early on in the relationship or after years of being together?

About 6 months in, We have now been together for nearly 4 years

Did you find out right away or a significant amount of time after it happened?

About 3 months after it happened

did you ever think about cheating on them after forgiving them?

Never.

how long did the relationship last after forgiving them?

Still together, almost 4 years now. We have since moved town together and talk about getting engaged. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone though in my whole entire life. I still think about it from time to time but i try not to. 

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