Post # 1
Hello wonderful bees,
We’re coming off of our beautiful wedding in April and despite the best-laid plans we are currently a one income home. A one graduate student income home. The numbers don’t lie: I’d make more if I worked at McDonalds.
An only sibling of my husband’s got engaged to be married a month after our wedding and they are getting married in 6 months – not much time to plan! My FIL taught me to “Plan for the worst and hope for the best,” so I am going under the assumption that I’ll have to pay for our travel to the wedding and our accomodations and the gift and ALL of that.
Currently, six months out, tickets for the two of us, plus accomodation money and a gift, would cost around 2,000 to their Plan B venue choice here in the US. Their plan A is a destination wedding outside the US and we’re not sure when final decisions will be made.
Honestly, I calculated how much I’d have to save from each month’s pay to meet that amount and the money is just NOT THERE. It’s tearing me to bits and breaking my heart because I want my husband to be with his family on this special day and I desperately don’t want to be the reason that he can’t make it. This is all worst case scenario: the scenario where he still hasn’t found work.
His family won’t be thrilled with me at all. It’s really stressing me out because I don’t want to show my husband that I’m stressed and bothered by this but where will the money come from?! This is his ONLY sibling – you can’t miss these events!
What can I possibly do? I’m totally emotional and lost.
Post # 3
Very sorry – wrong board. Please feel free to move.
Post # 4
What I would do is let him go alone if the funds can’t support both of you attending. Not an ideal scenario, but one I think is OK under the circumstances. Best of luck to you. Things usually always work out, even if you can’t see it right now.
Post # 5
Why is the burden entirely on you? You and your husband are a team, if you can’t afford to go to a destination wedding (which is perfectly legit and not abnormal), why would they blame you? It’ not your fault at all.
Post # 6
I couldn’t go to my cousin’s wedding. It was either a 12 hour drive or an expensive flight. We would have spent way over 1000 to go, and we just didn’t have it at the time. I feel bad, but none of the cousins were able to go.
Don’t over extend yourself to make it possible. It isn’t worth it. You won’t enjoy the trip & you will think about money the whole time.
Post # 7
@PinkPinstripes – love your name – there is a 60% chance that if my husband explains our situation to them, they will understand. I WOULD understand, because we live out of driving distance (and I’d consider a 20-24 hour drive driving distance) so any destination they pick even in the U.S. is a destination wedding for us.
But, due to family politics, there’s also a good chance that they may accuse me of using money as an excuse for us not to attend. And it’s absolutely NOT the case.
Post # 8
Is there a possibility that your husband could go alone? If we were invited to a long-distance wedding right now we’d have to say no, too, so I totally understand where you’re coming from.
If paying for just your husband is out of the budget, is there any chance anyone in the family could help you out? I hate asking for $ help, but I also think it’s important your hubby is there!
Post # 9
Have him go alone. That would cut the number in half.
I don’t know what kind of job he is looking for or where you live , but is there somewhere (such as a restaurant) he could temporarily work while he looks for a job to being in extra money? You sound like you have so much stress and responsibility.
Post # 10
If it’s completely out of reach for both of you to go, maybe he could go by himself. I know it’s not ideal, but I think it’s better than both of you not going.
You mentioned he’s out of work right now…could he get a job (or two) anywhere? Even working retail at the mall would help out, right? Especially if you’ve got 6 months and the salary from that is saved specifically for this trip.
As for the gift, I wouldn’t worry about that. I know opinions on the necessity of gifting vary among bees, but if it’s a choice between going without a gift and not going because you won’t have enough for a gift in addition to other expenses, I’m sure your DH’s sibling would much rather you just come without a gift. And you can always do it after the wedding, when you’ve had time to save up more money.
Post # 11
How does your husband feel about this? He should be involved in your finances and know where you guys stand. If he isn’t worried about going then neither should you.
If you do have that much time to plan, can one of you get an extra odd job (McDonalds or whatever) for the next few months? You should be able to make $2k in 6 months.
Post # 12
Aren’t destination weddings where you pay for the guests’ flight? Or am I wrong? I don’t know much about destination weddings, but I think it’s suppose to be where the future groom/bride is suppose to pay for the flights or the hotel..either or I think.
Yes, this is his only sibling and it would hurt if he weren’t there. But you just have to explain that maybe since your budget is tough right now, that maybe he should be the only one to go, (if it’s not feasible for you to go together I mean). Hope it works out for you!
Post # 13
No, the bride and groom do not have to pay for guest’s travel arrangements for a DW.
Post # 14
Either have him go alone- or have him explain to his family that YOU don’t make that much money, and he doesn’t want you to pay for JUST him to go. Maybe his family should pay for him to go if they want him there so bad. You shouldn’t make yourself sick about this.
Post # 15
Personally, if I were getting married, I’d make sure my brother could come. I.e. “Hey bro, we’re looking at Jamaica, I love it and it would be so pretty! Do you think you guys would be able to do that? I know you just got married and probably took some time off and just had a lot of expenses…”
I love destination weddings, and for a lot of my guest list (and 6/8 bridesmaids) we’re essentially a “destination” as I’m not from this state. However, I know that a lot I want to come won’t be able too. Immediate Family is a different story…
I think the best scenario is that your husband get’s any job possible for now. Waiter, Retail, construction, ANYTHING. If you make less than working at McDonalds, if he worked at McDonalds you’d more than double your income 🙂 Then, hopefully you’ll have the funds to go together and you can save up some more money while he continues his job hunt. A “lower” level job will also be flexible enough for him to take time off for interviews, etc…
Other Scenario, He goes alone, and maybe see if he can stay in the hotel with his parents or share a room with some groomsmen, etc…
Either way, I think y’all need to get on the same page about finances and where you stand if not. It’s probably even more crucial since your income is so small.
Post # 16
I feel your pain – both my hubs and I were grad students and then I graduated and couldn’t find a job for a few months. Grad student stipends are rough but they’re better than having to pay for school.
If I were you I’d try and figure out where the wedding is ASAP, though I know it’s not your decision. Sign up for every possible travel website, there are always travel flight deals. If worse comes to worse fly into an airport three hours away and rent a car for the weekend if it’ll be cheaper. Ask his parents if you can share a hotel room with them (a bit awk but better than missing the wedding – lots of our friends shared hotel rooms at our wedding to cut down the cost). Or try couchsurfing.com, I’ve done it traveling in another country and so have a lot of friends and it’s worked out, but be careful Also, take a raincheck on the gift till your hub finds some work, I can’t imagine a sibling not understanding that.