Post # 31
I could write a novel on it. Luckily I realized what he truly was after only a few months with him but by that point the damage had been done and I was hooked. To finally get over/get rid of him, I started going to intensive therapy and had to block him on all social media, change my email address, change my phone number and MOVE. THAT’S RIGHT. It was the beginning of 2013 when I broke it off with him and I didn’t date again until 2015. And sadly, he occasionally makes new social media accounts to be able to contact me even after all this time. The last time he did this was only a couple of weeks ago. But now I am stronger than he is and I am able to block and ignore any of his attempts to contact me. They never change, they only put on different masks to placate you long enough to pull you back in. He is still out there ruining lives and spreading Save-The-Date Cards, but luckily I am no longer a part of his harem of women.
Post # 32
My mom and my Mother-In-Law are narcissists. I think the neuroses from dealing with our mothers’ special brand of crazy was part of what brought us together.
My mom was a more extreme case than his. My mom is a sociopath. She physically, verbally, and emotionally abused my dad while stealing money from him. Her crowning moment of evil was when she left my Dad while he was recovering from an emergency bypass surgery and told the family that he kicked her out.
Growing up, I was not allowed to have any preferences, feelings or opinions of my own or I would be called names, be the subject of my mom’s histrionic phone calls to relatives, or best of all be blamed when she’d binge on entire boxes of cookies or eat an entire ice cream cake while screaming that it’s my fault if she dies because I drive her to it, check herself into mental hospitals saying Dad and I were so horrible that we were making her crazy, or threaten to euthanize my cats. I learned to Stepford smile and do whatever she wanted, including joining a high control cult with her, to try to make the abuse stop and win her impossible to earn affection.
After sacrificing my entire childhood to her and her stupid cult, I chose to live my life on my terms, leaving the cult and learning to become a functioning member of society. Mom accused me of prostitution and Darling Husband of physical abuse. She said she wouldn’t attend our wedding if we got married. When I told her we were engaged, she predicted that we’d divorce. And then she played the victim and whined to everyone that I had tried to hide our engagement (not true) and she wasn’t invited to the wedding (true).
Eventually, things came to set boundaries, and she said she would only be happy when bad things happened to me because then I would see that she was right and return to the cult. I decided at that moment I was fine with her and went no contact.
Her side of the family treated me like the black sheep. I decided that I would own that title. To this day I’m not close with any of them. I talk to them on holidays or when someone gets married or dies, and when they nag me to get back in contact with mom, I tell them that I can’t because I need to protect my family from her. They argue that because she never hit me and was always there for school functions and recitals, she was a great mom and it wasn’t abuse. I said that they were entitled to that opinion but I think emotional abuse is just as bad as hitting. They said I was too sensitive.
I got professional help, but Sometimes I still have nightmares about my mom.