(Closed) Have you ever been invited to a wedding without your SO?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Trilly: 

@cbgg:  

+100 to both of you. I too don’t agree with the cohabitating/engaged/married line.

It’s an old etiquette “rule” from times gone by and I can’t understand why people still stick to it.

Post # 63
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’ve never been to a wedding where I couldn’t bring my Fiance. 

If for some reason I were invited to a wedding and he wasn’t, my decision would hinge on two things: (1) Is it local? and (2) Will I know anyone there?

The rule we’ve established with our own wedding that if someone is actually in a committed relationship, we’ll invite thieir SO. If our friend is single, we won’t give them a plus one. I think a lot of people can get so irritable about this scenario, but every single person added incurs a large cost. We want our guests to have fun, so certainly people in committed relationships (it doesn’t have to be like, a 6 year long thing. If they’ve been together a few months, sure!) should be able to bring their SO if that’s something they’d like to do. At the same time, we didn’t want one of our single friends picking up someone that they met in a bar and bringing them to our wedding. 

Post # 66
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yup. Went to two weddings last summer where my then-boyfriend (of 5 years) wasn’t invited. One of the weddings I was at a table with my closest college friends (none of us got a +1) so it wasn’t bad. The other wedding, though, I was one of TWO people who didn’t get a +1 – the other person has literally never had a boyfriend. I spent a lot of the time sitting by myself while other couples danced and then I left early. It was no fun. I wouldn’t want to do that again so unless it was a VERY tiny wedding of one of my closest friends, I would probably decline an invitation that didn’t include Fiance.

Post # 67
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yes, a childhood friend invited my mother and I, we each got an invitation at our separate addresses. SO and I had been dating 3.5 years and living together 2, but his name wasn’t on the invitation so I asked her if I should bring him or not (how embarrassing, after being on the bee for a while now I realized how impolite and tacky that was, yikes. Embarassed)

Right before the wedding, she offered to let him come again, maybe she had some cancellations, but he had made plans. I did go with my mother, we had a great time, and she had a beautiful wedding. (I guess my momma was my date/plus one?)

Post # 68
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My fiance was invited to a wedding once that I wasn’t. In fairness we had not been dating for very long at the time, but we did live together.

It didn’t particularly bother me as I did not really know the bride at the time, and I don’t get hung up on things like that.

It probably bothered my fiance more because he had to go solo.

I didn’t think much of the whole situation really. I think that if someone is married they are a package deal with their spouse, however.

 

Post # 69
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Wedding? No. But we also weren’t invited to any weddings during the first few years of dating. All recent invitations have been both of us.

However, we are regularly invited to other events individually and have no problem with it. I don’t agree with the idea that just because you are in a relationship, you must automatically both be invited to everything together. I also think that is a supremely petty thing to get annoyed about.

Post # 70
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Yes, I have been invited without SOs to weddings.

Barring any truly bizarre instances, the only times I feel it is acceptable to invite someone without their SO to a wedding:

– If the invited guest is under the age of 18.

– If they began dating their SO after wedding invitations were already sent. At this point, there is no obligation to invite your guest’s SO. It is only exceptionally gracious if you do.

Post # 71
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Twice. 

Once, my ex and I were dating less than 6 months, and his cousin had a giant wedding and just didn’t know about me at the time. i wouldn’t have known anyone at the wedding either.

Second time, a good friend of mine invited just me. I think she was on a budget and didn’t think me and Darling Husband were serious at the time because she knew of our fights, but we were actually in waiting mode at the time. I wrote her really nicely and told her that because her wedding 1) required me to travel (and lose a weekend with him together – we were long distance) 2) I don’t know a lot of people there, would she reconsider. If cost was an issue I was happy to contribute. I think she just didn’t realize we were pretty close to getting engaged, so she invited him.  Had her wedding been local then I wouldn’t have asked for such an exception.

Post # 72
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I was invited to my cousin’s wedding a few years ago without Fiance (then SO). I wasn’t offended at all. They’d never met and we didn’t live together.

I don’t understand everyone getting so upset about not having their SO/FI/DH invited to a wedding that they’re invited to. Yes, if it was someone we both know, that would be rude, but I honestly wouldn’t care if he was invited to a wedding of a work or school friend that I’d never met and I wasn’t. We are a social unit, but I probably wouldn’t even WANT to go to the wedding of someone he knows from school or work and vice versa.

People have budgets, and if someone is having a really small wedding and doesn’t know my Fiance, I would definitely go if he wasn’t invited. I wouldn’t find it rude at all.

That said, we are inviting all couples as couples to our wedding.

Post # 73
Member
2509 posts
Sugar bee

@cbgg:  While we were only boyfriend and girlfriend (not living together) he was invited to a wedding for an old school friend of his whom I had only met once. He was invited without a plus one so he didn’t go. Not based on principle or anything, just that going to a wedding where he essentially only knows the couple and can’t bring a date didn’t sound appealing to him at all lol

If it was a mutual friend that didn’t invite both of us because we weren’t married or living together or something I’d be upset and probably not go. That being said I’ve gone to many weddings without him as a plus one to female friends.

Post # 74
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My husband was once invited to a rehearsal dinner without me (he was a gm). We had been going on dates for several months, but only became official after the invites went out. We were spending a ton of time (at least once a week, often more) with the couple, but the bride didn’t like me much. I was a little sad to not be there, but I wasn’t offended and he of course went. I was invited to the wedding and we went together (and helped out and stood in the line). 

Post # 75
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I would absolutely decline an invitation to a wedding to which my signifigant other was not invited. You want me to celebrate your relationship while ignoring mine? Fat chance.

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