(Closed) Have you ever been scared of your partner?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Never scared of my Darling Husband. But I think there was a time he was scared of me LOL. He comes from a family where emotions are never higher than a 0-1 (on a scale of 1-10). My family, on the other hand, is a family of screamers, well at least my Mom is. We would regularly have screaming matches that would go for an hour at 5-6, with moments of 7-8. But I’ve made choices not to be that person, but I can be if need be; I was trained by the best. 

So early in our relationship, Darling Husband and I were arguing and he thought he’d be a badass and took it to a 2 and I followed. He then ratched it up to a 3 while I tried to de-escalate back down to 1, but he stayed at a 3 (thinking he could win just by the power of his voice). So I said f-it and took to a 6. Shocked the hell out of him, but he tried to follow me to a 6 but he’s just not that person. So he lost steam and I kept going, giving him a look like “bring it on! I can do this for another hour”. It was scary how easy it was for me to be that person again. He backed down quickly and later we talked it out. 

Luckily, we’ve learned how to have disagreements that don’t lead to yelling matches. 

Post # 32
Member
946 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

My husband is so harmless, so no never been scared of him!

We love watching dateline and 48h and so on.  I watched  a show called killer models (?) yesterday and in this episode, the model murdered her husband, chopped up his body, cooked some of it and ate him!???  I was like what in the!!!?

Post # 33
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yes, my ex. 6 years later and I still think about how lucky I am to be alive. Was in a very abusive relationship that I stayed in for far too long because I was terrified of him. He held a loaded gun to my head several times after some pretty bad fights. He stalked me for over 4 years after I left him and he still occasionally sends me emails (which I never respond to). Before I met him, I used to watch those shows and think how stupid those people were to be in relationships with psychos. What I didn’t know then is that abusers tend to be very manipulative and are good at making others think they are decent people at first. Thankfully, I am now married to a man that is so good to me and makes me feel so safe!

Post # 34
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

KoiKove:  I’m sorry but I couldn’t help but laugh at your story. I totally get coming from a family of ‘screamers’. lol My moms father was 100% Italian and her mother was 100% German and holy cow could they yell. My friends had a running joke of trying to get me in trouble just to watch my mom react. She was terrifying! I still love her though 

Post # 35
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

mck1:  When my Mom and I are together, it’s not unusual for my Mom and I to get into a screaming match. One Thanksgiving, my Mom and I are scream at each other about how to cook the turkey. My poor Darling Husband has the most panicked look on his face and kept trying to jump in to de-escalate things. Which just led me and my Mom to yell at him. He kept looking to my my Dad with the most pitiful ‘do something’ look. My Dad just shook his head and kept eating the appetizers on the table–that man knew better than to step into our fights LOL. 

Post # 36
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

haha oh yes, I can relate. My mom and I went through a really rough patch a while ago and were constantly fighting. Now it’s more just like “playful bickering” when we’re together, which I guess to an outsider might look like we’re arguing. 

Post # 37
Member
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

annonymous243:  Thankfully, no. But I’m stronger than him so I’d like to think I’d be able to fight him off if he ever flipped…I’d definitely leave if I saw warning signs!

Post # 38
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

annonymous243:  oh my god me and my Fiance have the exact same obsession, our tv is on the ID channel all day in the living room, then we put it on in the bedroom to fall asleep to. thankfully I don’t fear my Fiance at all, as he is the most gentle and respectful man I’ve ever known, but YES KC-2722:  it really does make you paranoid!! It’s gotten to my head so much that I’ll be walking my dog along a forest near our home, and I’ll catch myself looking at the ground through the trees to make sure either A- nobody is watching me, or B- there are no dead bodies. THAT’S not normal LOL 

Post # 39
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Canvas Event Space

gingerkitten:  Drama is definitely part of it! There’s the idea that they’re a perfect mix of drama with a plot and a reality show.

But I think the most interesting theory is that it gives us closure on horror. It makes us feel better that when something bad happens to someone, that the bad guys will get caught and the people left behind will be okay again. In a weird way, apparently it makes us feel a little safer.

Post # 40
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

areyouthebride:  That makes sense. I certainly get a satisfied feeling at the end when they say that the killer is behind bars. Not so when the case is still open…

Post # 41
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

annonymous243:  Im so obsessed with these shows that I actually listen to them on youtube at work. I’ve never been afraid of my husband but I think my obsession with crime documentaries scares him haha

Post # 42
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

SilverWire:  

Aaaah! Can’t believe so many people seem to have glossed over this! You’re so lucky you got out! 

My father used to be quite abusive to my mum and then me and my brother to an extent (he choked me unconscious once and nutted my brother who screamed in terror for about 20 minutes); he was very (mentally) ill though and was suffering from psychosis. Though my parents did separate in the end, we are all still on speaking terms (everyone was together for my wedding a couple of months ago abs my grandmothers funeral today) and my father is a very balanced individual now. However, I was terrified he would kill someone for much of my teens.

Post # 43
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Never have been scared of him, but I’m a huge fan of these shows! I do tend think that while they describe these people as “so in love,” there were also red flags that one/both of them were ignoring (usually).

However after we saw Gone Girl, Fiance turned to me and said, “I promise I will never upset you.” LOL.

Post # 44
Member
5948 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

annonymous243:  I watched Dear Zachary last night! It was actually already in my queue, how do you like that?? Oh maaaaaaan, saddest.thing.ever. Very interesting way it was presented, too. Definitely a PRIME example of how the system failed here. I hope that psychiatrist and judge are in jail or at least eaten up with guilt over it all.

Post # 45
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

annonymous243: my Fiance is huge. he’s a powerlifter who can bench like 525. the kind of guy who could snap my neck, on accident. but i couldnt’ even imagine a universe where i was scared of him. even when he’s mad and yelling, which has happened. i never even REMOTELY worry about my safety. 

i have a restraining order against an Ex though…it was one of those white hot, passionate things that should have NEVER been an actual 8 month relationship… when i tried to end it, he like lost his mind and pulled a steak knife out of his nightstand and like threw it to me and goes,  “go ahead, just kill me, i know that’s what you really want” …. this is as i am calmly telling him that i just need to focus on school and my family and just clear my head a little, but i would still be here for him…etc. like it was so crazy and out of left field and absolutely terrifying. i was afraid to even touch the knife & my brain went into panic mode…if i scream, would the neighbors be able to hear me? where is my phone? will i be able to physically fight if i had to?… ugh. chills as i think about it.. luckily, i was able to talk him down and grab my stuff and RUN. 

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